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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
As you all know,
When you're in the mist of dp, you're obsessed about getting better.
You're constantly checking reality to see if you're out of dp.

That's how it is with me, but because i also have severe magical thinking ocd, it's worse. Because i have these constant magical thinking moments where i have negative obsessive thoughts that sometimes bring me out of dp.

But i feel bad about it, because the ocd thought that brought me out was negative and directed towards a loved one.

For example when i'm in the mist of dp, i start to worry and obsess about getting better, and because of that my ocd magical thoughts really start to act up.

I obsess so much about getting better that my ocd starts to give me these magical negative intrusive type thoughts, that are like bets with myself. and it's always about transferring my suffering to someone i care about to stop my dp. And then after the bet type thought happens, i fear that i've suddenly come out of dp because of that bet. It's devasting to me because i want to come out of dp, but not that way.

And it happens while im doing anything, below is one example, but the intrusive bets happen while i'm doing anything. Example below:

A typical bet will go like this:

"If i hear a noise before i look back at my phone screen, then all of my pain and suffering is transferred to my girlfriend" and i would be cured and she would be suffering. (Not exactly my suffering though, any suffering) and then unfortunately, that noise i fear is actually heard, scaring the hell out of me, making me fear for my girlfriend.

and then just as i suspected, in that exact moment, it seems that suddenly the dp i was worried about calms down, and im sitting there panicked and worried because it actually feels like i just transferred my pain and suffering to my girlfriend. Because i suddenly dont feel the dp as strong anymore.

*It could be any ocd thought that proceeds me coming out of dp, and it's not always thoughts about transferring suffering to someone else, it could be something vague but it feels like it has a meaning to it. For example some thoughts are: "if i get in the shower, im gonna get out of dp, if i call my girlfriend, im gonna come out of dp etc. And after i do that action, i actually end up getting this feeling that im feeling better but i cant accept it because it came after a very negative ocd thought. It's very complicated and like torture, because i can never just accept the good feeling, and it keeps me in the cycle of dp.*

Has anyone with severe magical thinking ocd and dp ever go through this?
 
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