[Guest]

Apart from the dp and dr itself, i think my subconcious mind has sort of created a different spin on the way i percieve reality in order to cope with my trauma's and anxiety. It's not that i am delusional but when i first began to develop dp, my whole life started to feel like some sort of grand storybook. Everything became a part of some twisted and unreal experience that centered around my dp and anxiety. This is very hard to explain but i think once my mind was able to break my own perception of reality, my subconcious mind just took that and ran with it. It got so bad that it started to feel like the dp was an age hold entity that my soul had been at war with for thousands of years.i know that sounds crazy but thats how it felt. im sorry that i cant explain this too well, but these feelings are so abstract i can barely put them into words. if you have any thoughts on this or can relate please post them.

 

[falling_free]

got so bad that it started to feel like the dp was an age hold entity that my soul had been at war with for thousands of years.i know that sounds crazy but thats how it felt. im sorry that i cant explain this too well, but these feelings are so abstract i can barely put them into words. if you have any thoughts on this or can relate please post them.

Yeh I have simliar delusional thoughts, if dp being somehow an 'evil' entity or some outside force taking contol of my body.

Im abstracted to A HUGE DEGREE also

I keep on thinking I see patterns everywehre in words shapes etc.

The crazy thing is , Im not crazy.

Anyway (I also think anyway is relevent somehow at thjis point, like showing different directions????) I have the same inabilty to descirbe waht teh fuck is going one without going into absurd automatic jabberwokky.

 

[Scattered]

A year ago I smoked alot of pot and got really high. I started to get nervous because thoughts started to flood my mind. I kept thinking that the "good" part of me was fighting a "bad" part of me represented by anxiety. I started telling myself that my mind was a battlefield where this good entity and bad entity waged war. The good would start to win and I would start feeling better, then the bad got the upper hand and I started to slip into anxiety.

I don't know what any of this means. I think its just a way that we try to explain a very scary and confusing situation. Sometimes the need for a concrete explanation leads to some weird thoughts or notions.

 

[Martinelv]

It's perfectly natural to have what seem to be delusional thoughts during DR/DP, because everthing is so f****d up, so you start to question things. However, they are not delusions, because you know they are delusions. They are just your brains attempts at figuring out what the hell is going on, and the content of these thoughts is usually pretty weird - hence the temptation to call them delusions.

 

[Guest]

I hate to disagree with Martin about anything (now that he has publicly proposed to me and relegated the lovely person3 as a mere sex toy), but I can honestly tell you guys that I was not SEMI-delusional. I was entirely fully delusional at different times during my 20?s.

Most DP?ers have ?as if? experiences ? where we say it feels LIKE the world is not real, or that I am not real, or that I am in a dream. We have not entered the deeper level of ?self-implosion? as I call it. We know there is a Reality, but we don?t connect to it. That?s horrible enough, but trust me, there is a MORE horrible experience that some of us reach.

It is a very intricate and difficult symptom to disentangle diagnostically, but there are many cases where someone CAN have delusions (usually quite bizarre ones) and still not fall into the ?psychotic? realm. I knew my delusions would be considered ?crazy? and so I knew to hide them, keep them secret. But deep down, in my core, I totally believed them.

I literally believed there was no true external reality. I believed I had invented/made up the entire world = that ?I? was nothing but a thought, Pure Thought, and that the ?evidence? of an external reality was all just stuff I concocted in utter isolation. REALITY was a ?daydream? to me, and I thought I had invented my family, my grandmother, my house, my neighborhood, my past, etc?..just like in a dream.

I thought the DP experience, as it deepened, was ?awareness? of all this, and that finally I had caught onto the Lie, or Trick, that I had implemented?..I believed I was seeing that nothing existed and that the fabric of what I had THOUGHT was reality was just an illusion.

Needless to say, this ideas petrified me. I felt like the image of the infant in 2001, A Space Odessey: an embryo floating in infinite space. There was NO one. Nothing. No thing. I had invented the entire world.

These were not ?wow?.this dp feels so weird, it?s almost as if I invented the universe..? No ?as if? to it, my friends. I BELIEVED that.

I just wanted to post this in case there are others out there (there MUST be) who have those kinds of existential delusional ideas. You?re not alone (and you didn?t create the universe, because I did! Grin). It also does not mean you are insane. But it?s a terribly crippling experience, to live in the grips of a delusion, esp. when your senses are ?proving? its validity by chronic dp states.

 

[Martinelv]

The marriage is off. It's over between us.

What I mean to say is that a true delusion is a psychotic break, and I didn't think that with 'pure' DR/DP this happens. The distinction, to me, is between being psychotic and believing your delusions, and having DR/DP and thinking (and obsessing) about weird things. A remember, the constant self-monitoring can seem like delusional behaviour as well.

Agree with me woman, or I'm taking the ring down the pawn shop.