I hate to disagree with Martin about anything (now that he has publicly proposed to me and relegated the lovely person3 as a mere sex toy), but I can honestly tell you guys that I was not SEMI-delusional. I was entirely fully delusional at different times during my 20?s.
Most DP?ers have ?as if? experiences ? where we say it feels LIKE the world is not real, or that I am not real, or that I am in a dream. We have not entered the deeper level of ?self-implosion? as I call it. We know there is a Reality, but we don?t connect to it. That?s horrible enough, but trust me, there is a MORE horrible experience that some of us reach.
It is a very intricate and difficult symptom to disentangle diagnostically, but there are many cases where someone CAN have delusions (usually quite bizarre ones) and still not fall into the ?psychotic? realm. I knew my delusions would be considered ?crazy? and so I knew to hide them, keep them secret. But deep down, in my core, I totally believed them.
I literally believed there was no true external reality. I believed I had invented/made up the entire world = that ?I? was nothing but a thought, Pure Thought, and that the ?evidence? of an external reality was all just stuff I concocted in utter isolation. REALITY was a ?daydream? to me, and I thought I had invented my family, my grandmother, my house, my neighborhood, my past, etc?..just like in a dream.
I thought the DP experience, as it deepened, was ?awareness? of all this, and that finally I had caught onto the Lie, or Trick, that I had implemented?..I believed I was seeing that nothing existed and that the fabric of what I had THOUGHT was reality was just an illusion.
Needless to say, this ideas petrified me. I felt like the image of the infant in 2001, A Space Odessey: an embryo floating in infinite space. There was NO one. Nothing. No thing. I had invented the entire world.
These were not ?wow?.this dp feels so weird, it?s almost as if I invented the universe..? No ?as if? to it, my friends. I BELIEVED that.
I just wanted to post this in case there are others out there (there MUST be) who have those kinds of existential delusional ideas. You?re not alone (and you didn?t create the universe, because I did! Grin). It also does not mean you are insane. But it?s a terribly crippling experience, to live in the grips of a delusion, esp. when your senses are ?proving? its validity by chronic dp states.