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· Registered
1,146 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
for those of you who don't know i just got broken-up with, by someone who promised me WAY too many good things (said everything in the book and more, bought things, etc) and then two weeks ago or so started to lose interest in me because "we have our differences, we are going in different directions".

And then he told me that I should get counseling.

Which would be OKAY if it weren't for the fact that he's a bigtime alcoholic with no job/no school (gets by on a trust fund), lives with mom but doesn't at least try to go out into the world, and obviously lacks the hottest people skills, will probably never ever be anything, has lost some brain cells during brighter drug moments (like at 18 huffing an entire bottle of spray paint), thinks it's un-okay that I'm not spiritual in that "Celestine Prophecy" way..(even though I've told him how spirituality can be a bad thing for some people, AND even though when I AM spiritual I take it much more seiously than he does apparently ie go out into the world and do something in my life that I really don't want to do like talking to my mom again instead of sitting in my room talking to "god")...has no real aspirations except for a half-assed attempt at music, my god my goodness my god. Oh and he makes cool jewelry and plays video games. That's about it. He's probably been to college like less than two semesters collectively, and he is 25.

From what I've told him about DP, he thinks he's had it since about age 10. I, from 19. So we can see where some social skills of his didn't develop or whatever.

But for chrissake. The best he could tell me is i should get a counselor.

Yes, I do get far more stressed and worried and possibly anxious than he could EVER imagine. This is why:

I'm actually trying to DO these things (go to school FULL time, occasionally hold a job, sing for school events [I've already sang in public THREE TIMES in the last month!], socialize [I had to clear some names on my cell phone because it got really annoying scrolling through 70 of them when I was too lazy just to do a search], audition for plays where I have to go up and sing and maybe read some lines and make an ass out of myself infront of people, some who are much better and far more experienced than I am, write stories for my creative writing class, figure out the trig homework by reading the textbook when I do miss class [yeah, on my own, never thought I'd be doing THAT], going to most every social event I can [all the parties that my various groups of friends have-- the Jewish group, the "goth" group, the bar crowd, the former-high-school crowd, the TU group- i'm not a student there but there is this crowd of them i seem to hang out with sometimes], putting together events for what might possibly develop into a Jewish college-age social group, and getting to all of these things takes me ALL over the city in any given week, from North Tulsa to the southernmost area in Tulsa where I live, from the farthest points east and sometimes into west Tulsa. I'm freakin' everywhere. I also make time to go out with family too, when I'm not pissed at them. And I go out of town at least four times a year to visit my grandparents, and sometimes a couple other trips on top of that. (I think he's only been on a plane, like once. And it's not for lack of money or anything. he just never GOES ANYWHERE).

Yeah, I get REAL stressed out, sometimes to where i cant function because I say "yes" to everybody on my list of things then have no time for myself.

Yes, I get REAL stressed out, more than I was when I was going out w/my ex and sitting on the computer all day, because there I couldn't be criticized. But at the same time I was mroe DR'd, by far.

I get real stressed out and need people and sometimes needed him on his 'alone' days which I didn't think was too much to ask for someone as close as him and i (esp with that whole "if you ever need me just call" thing he said at first..but then obviously became too inconvenient)

Which even then wasn't every day so I couldn't really be qualified as 'clingy'.

But now I'm real scared, that I'm going to relapse, that i'm going to get worse mentally, because of all the stuff i've been through with him. I have moments where I really feel myself getting into the DP trap again. I don't know what to do about thsi. I thought I would jsut be a little sad or whatever. No. I'm freaking out.

Any advice?

· Registered
168 Posts
Don't worry about what he said. You sound like a very happy, go getting person so don't let what he did to you get you down. Think of it as a good thing, there is someone out there for you that is 10 X better for you then he ever was....I know it. But while your waiting for him to come around, go out and have fun. Keep going out with all your friends, singing, acting, all that sounds like sooo much fun. Keep him out of your head. Your to good for him anyways!!! :wink:
Plus, when your feeling low, you always have us to talk too....I bet you someone is always up. But it sounds to me as if you just lost dead weight that needed to get lost. Go out, have fun, be single for awhile. You don't need a man to fullfill you.

· Former Moderator
1,084 Posts
One suggestion that helped me cope with being dumped by a girl i was madly in love with...ok, maybe not "madly", but i really thought she was cool...

Involve yourself in something whole-heartedly. Whether it's another person (maybe person2 or person4 need some company), music, books, films, some sport of some kind...anything to take your mind off that person and keep from obsessing over them. It may not be the healthiest method, distraction, but it does the trick a lot more efficiently then anything else i can think of that is non-destructive.

I was such a mess when this girl broke up with me...i called her, tried to be "friends" (what a facade that whole concept is), even went so far as to...and this is embarassing as hell...make a mixed cd of songs that reminded me of her and sent it to her. It was a mess. It was also the worst way i could have handled it. Best to stay involved, and stop thinking of the person. I know...easier said than done, of course. But that's my meagre advice.

good luck, and don't matter how bad things are, take comfort that probably about a million people on the earth at the exact same time, are going through the exact same thing.


· Registered
926 Posts
Maybe the freaking out has a lot to do with routine. On the one hand you describe this guy as the boyfriend from hell, and on the other, he was someone who you could turn to etc. He probably wasn't a total a-hole and he wasn't the wonderful boyfriend he initially seemed, whatever, he represented something to you and now you're thrown because he's gone. I dumped a guy who was no good for me but was so confused and upset afterwards because of the whole routine thing and that big gap in your life that suddenly comes up, not because he was a great loss.Disruption in routine brings on dp - well it does for me, because I kind of don't trust myself to deal with the unknown.
Anyway, keep living life to the full, don't let this guy get to you, keep yourself immersed in all those great things you do and dp will stay away.Good luck :wink:
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