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544 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
please help me!

i am going through so many symptoms and no matter how hard i try i cannot stop thinking about them!

i cannot stop thinking about how pointless life is and how scary it is!

i cannot stop worrying about actually being alive and that one day i will die!

i cannot stop thinking about the how's and why's of everything!

i do not want to be me anymore! i am so scared of being me!

i cannot stop digging myself into a deeper and deeper hole!

i feel depressed, upset, tired, dp'ed, dr'ed scared and sick....i do not want to eat or drink...

i cannot even take medication...i am too scared of them and anything i take makes me feel worse (i have been on 11 types of meds)...

i do not want to live anymore! i truely do not want to....but i am so scared of death...

i have felt like this for a few months but now and it is getting so hard to cope with!

i find no true happiness in anything i do...

can i get better from this?

please...anyone...with any help or comments...please help me...

so sorry for this post but i do not know what else to do!

so sorry....

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630 Posts

..........i am so sorry you are feeling so down.... seem like such a positive person but with that post i can really feel your pain......

........everyone hear says that recoverey is possible, and that is what we all need to believe..

........i know you dont want to take meds, and that is your choice, but all i will say is the reason i went on them was to try shut out everything you have said in your post.......i like you are extremely sensitive to meds......the fist few days on them were hell, but those effects really do not last long......i know i am still not free of symptoms,but i do have some hope that i will be....

.......i know you feel like you dont want to live,and your scared to die....but the lesser of two evils is to live it, take each day as it comes and one day all this should be a bad memory....

......hang in there girl, who else am i going to talk to on the msn eh???? :D

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835 Posts
hi shadow

you will get over this. the way i see it is that your dp isnt static. this is a good thing. as it has gotten worse it will reach a point where it starts to lessen. it sounds to me like you're panicing and need to do something at present to calm your mind down. to relax my mind a bit i usually try to concentrate on relaxing my body, things like:
a hot bath
a massage-back, neck, foot, shoulders. anything really
herbal tea
hot water bottle and blanket
herbal calms tablets

in my experience the unbearable periods of dp dont last too long before they start lessening slowly. just hang on in there and it'll become easier.

take care

Everyone has different attitudes about taking medication.
Sometimes for a short time,if you can tolerate an SSRI they can be a big help.

I'm not speaking from personal experience because I've not unfortunately been able to take an SSRI.
I'm not in the least opposed to the idea of taking medication,rather the opposite.

It's just a thought,shadow.
I've seen these drugs benefit a lot of people who feel desperate.

Best Shelly

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142 Posts
It's normally hard for anyone or anything to make me cry. I hardly ever do it, seriously. That is, until i read your post, Shadowness. I have shed some tears for you. I believe that despite yours and mine circumstances there is someone who cares very much. If we are loved so much then why are we suffering? (don't believe i'll ever know the answer to that)
You may not believe this, but you are unique, special, and loved far beyond measure.
I realise this isn't the "spiritual section" of the forum, but i don't think that matters.
Just please know that I shall be standing in the gap for you and am praying regularly for you.
No matter how you may feel, There IS light at the end of the tunnel. PLEASE hang in there shadowness. And the others have some good advice too.

hey soph, I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way...I can relate to what you're going through and I know it seems so gloomy and dark and you feel trapped with all of this right now...keep fightin' it...i know with meds it can be so crap when you go on one and it doesn't help...the whole trial and error of meds is enough to piss any one off...i think that even though it doesn't seem like...things can get better....i know this shitty dp/dr can seem like a living hell but i hope that you can find some comfort and keep strong cos you are a strong've come this far through it all...take care xxxx

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8 Posts
Hi Shadowness,

7 months ago I could have written that post. Every single word. It feels like there's no way out but I truly believe that there is. I too was terrified of taking meds in case they made it worse so I didn't. The turning point for me was when I rang my old phychotherapist one day in desperation after staring at the numbers for the Samaritans, the priest and the next door neighbour. I didn't believe it would do any good. I saw him for 4 months and I believe we found the cause of what was making me feel like this. Today I'm 90% 'with it' again. I still get the horrible thoughts and there's a background hum that 'things don't seem right' but I'm learning to ignore it. The anxiety is rarely there anymore.

Other things that significantly helped were getting a job working with children which meant there was no way I could focus on me. It was pretty tough and I only did it for 6 weeks but I think it really helped me to claw my way out of the worst of it. I also had a set daily routine and would make lists of what I wanted to achieve that day, that helped to keep my mind focused. Finally, controversially, my family's insistence that I didn't keep talking about it. I hated them for this but I think it ultimately helped as well.

I hope this may offer some hope for you. Hang in

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544 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
thank you so much everyone who has looked and replied to this thread...

next week i will hopefully see my therapist and ask about CBT and about seeing a different therapist...

i am feeling so scared right now as you all know...

my doctor is suggesting i think about taking meds again and trying to get used to the way i am feeling instead of fighting it as i am obviously upsetting myself and causing more anxiety...

i am just so scared to be alive and so scared to be me...

thank you everyone...thank you so much for your comments and support...i really appreciate it!
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