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So today I went to my psychiatrist. I noticed that like many of you, i tend to feel good when I first wake up, but when the mind starts working, it starts thinking "where's the dp" and then...there it is.l
Went up to my psychiatrist, he is about forty miles away, my mom drove, and I was ok for the most part, but getting up there and when we went in, the dr set in heavily.
I talked to my psychiatrist and told him what was going on. While I was tlaking to him, the dp hit me HARDCORE and the lights were way too bright and my voice wasn't coming from me. I told him that I was so scared that this would never leave me, and he was very understanding. Interestingly enough, he said that DP/DR usually comes from an unconsious motivator that is trying to hide something or fight something, and that I should try to find out what it is. He mentioned that part of it could be that I am going back to school in the fall, and that could be a problem, and also that I am at a time in life where I am trying to establish mysef as an independent adult. I find it interesting that the psychiatrist focused LESS on the chemical aspect than the psychologist.
Coming home from the psychiatirst i got intense, horrible DR. Nothing seemed ral to me, the book next to me in the car, the car itself, everything outside. I got that horrible trapped, getting hot, despairing, wanting to grab my head and scream in horror, wanting to wake up from this dream feeling. So, i slept on the way home. The DR has been bad on and off the rest of the day. I went to my store (Kroger, Grocery Store) for the Harry Potter release party, and I got bad DR didnt' feel like anyone was real and that I was about to freak out/lose it/float away into nothingness. Nothing was real to me, i was in a dream, and it was scary, I was even shaking a bit. My psychiatrist gave me lorazapam, which I took many years ago when I first had problems, and i took one of those, but it only seemed to help a little.
I am going to the beach tomorrow, and for the first time, i'm nto all that excited, but scared that my vacation will be ruined by these feelings I'm having. I'm trying to use the distraction techniques Janine mentions, but even when I'm focusing on the book, for example, there is a fear beside me, some DP/DR waiting to take over me. I just hate the fear. It's odd, because I was driving home tonight, and I kept thinking how part of my problem is that I get afraid because i"m expecting some horrible DR/DP episode, literally just around the corner, on a road i'm driving down, the next day when I wake up.
Anyway, my psychiatrist, as I mentioned before, prescribed lorazapam for my panic attacks and put me on a small dose (2.5 mg , then to 5 mg) of Zyprexa.
Sorry for hte long post, but wanted to update everyone on things. think of me as I head to the beach, and pray for a good time for me, dp and dr free! :D

I wont' be online again until if i dont' reply to people before then, i apologize. But do feel free to give your thoughts.
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