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"Arrogance is a creature. It don't have senses. It only has a sharp tongue and a pointing finger."
-Toba Beta
I don't really poke around much here. I stick to my own blog. If you read it, fine. If not, that's fine too. Mainly because I already know what I'll find. A bunch of super smart people trying to outsmart a problem that will always outsmart them.
Plain & simple.
But today I came across a conversation on here that interest me because it was it was so poignantly sad. The conversation was about the use of therapy and the reluctance to believe this disorder is based in developmental trauma or even that's it psychological in origin at all.
And despite their witty banter to describe how useless psychotherapy is and how this doesn't apply to them. Despite being on the site for probably years, and probably depersonalized for even longer. Despite the mountains of clinical research (you know, by actual doctors) to support that dissociative disorders are related to abuse, that it is psychological in origin, they still find themselves right back at square one: Still depersonalized.
And I thought: Denial is a bitch people.
From a person who was like them once, there's a part of me that's compassionate. Because it really is sheer ignorance in the strictest sense of the word. And in my compassion, I wanted to interject- give my opinion, tell them their wrong, scream at the top of my lungs "GUYS YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!"
But the truth is even IF I did it wouldn't have mattered. Dissociation IS denial isn't it? And the split between what we think we should be in our heads and we were really are and how we feel isn't limited to outward appearances.
The cold hard truth is: Being smart doesn't mean you aren't just as broken.
(so stick that in your thesaurus lol)
In fact, it's my belief that the smarter you are the more arrogant you are and the harder your ass is going to be to heal. In that case, totally fine being kinda of a dummy lol
Fact is: DP recovery requires honesty, being humble, being venerable, accepting your boundaries and most of all integrating feeling.
Sorry dudes, not sure how your brain gonna help with that lol.
But they have their mind don't they? And the mind doesn't really have any limitations or boundaries now does it? See what I meant about things running amuck? I do not mean to be unkind (truly) but it's almost like listening to idiot savants. Some people are absolute, brilliant morons lol
I know one thing for sure, the intellectuals are the ones to live with DP the longest for a reason. Themselves.
Remember when I talked about the "real self" meeting the "thinking self?" That's kind of what you're dealing with here. Except they probably haven't even met the stranger in the mirror yet. In order to meet him/her you have to have some insight on being humble. Some encounter with the reality of themselves.
And even if they did, instead of showing up at Starbucks dressed to the nines...In their head, the meetings at Harvard. Their "thinking self" is steeped in arrogance. Not about how they look but draped in a sort of pseudo-academia. But make no mistake they're still dancing around the bomb just like us. And as someone who has had this a long time I'll give you my two cents of advice, when you face your stranger: OH HOW THE MIGHTY WILL FALL.
Because when you're THAT detached from the reality of yourself -when confronted with the real deal and how you FEEL about the real deal, I will go as far as to say they're the first to attempt suicide. Because when you're mind is the only tool you've ever used to self sooth, and you learn in the VERY HARDEST WAY POSSIBLE that you can't reason with feelings.
The feelings themselves will be crushing. Only then do you learn this wasn't about intellect at all.
Sooooo good luck with that.
If you find yourself frustrated by this don't be. They are two distinct factions from people on what this is. We don't have to agree. Hell, we don't have to listen or read but I'll be damned if the way I found isn't the way for me and the way most people have beat this. And until you do find your alternate way then I hardly understand how you can justify being smug about traditional therapy? Maybe if you weren't so invested in trying to outsmart your therapist or even go to therapy you might be better equipped to offer an opinion.
So if (like me) you were able to finally realize and come to your senses that this about emotional regulation then you have to accept that you can't help those zombies. They are not ready. If that sounds mean that's really not the intention but the word is still apt. Intellectual zombies, wooden boys, Pinocchio's, robots. That's all they are. Let em "play" being intellectuals. Let them impress themselves and their followers with their with anti-psychotherapeutic rhetoric. Let them commit to a 50 page post on poetic ego death. Or an even longer myopic soliloquy on their feelings of nothingness to explain as much as their capable of what it means not to feel.
And you know what?
I'll see their depersonalized asses next week.
-Toba Beta
I don't really poke around much here. I stick to my own blog. If you read it, fine. If not, that's fine too. Mainly because I already know what I'll find. A bunch of super smart people trying to outsmart a problem that will always outsmart them.
Plain & simple.
But today I came across a conversation on here that interest me because it was it was so poignantly sad. The conversation was about the use of therapy and the reluctance to believe this disorder is based in developmental trauma or even that's it psychological in origin at all.
And despite their witty banter to describe how useless psychotherapy is and how this doesn't apply to them. Despite being on the site for probably years, and probably depersonalized for even longer. Despite the mountains of clinical research (you know, by actual doctors) to support that dissociative disorders are related to abuse, that it is psychological in origin, they still find themselves right back at square one: Still depersonalized.
And I thought: Denial is a bitch people.
From a person who was like them once, there's a part of me that's compassionate. Because it really is sheer ignorance in the strictest sense of the word. And in my compassion, I wanted to interject- give my opinion, tell them their wrong, scream at the top of my lungs "GUYS YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!"
But the truth is even IF I did it wouldn't have mattered. Dissociation IS denial isn't it? And the split between what we think we should be in our heads and we were really are and how we feel isn't limited to outward appearances.
The cold hard truth is: Being smart doesn't mean you aren't just as broken.
(so stick that in your thesaurus lol)
In fact, it's my belief that the smarter you are the more arrogant you are and the harder your ass is going to be to heal. In that case, totally fine being kinda of a dummy lol
Fact is: DP recovery requires honesty, being humble, being venerable, accepting your boundaries and most of all integrating feeling.
Sorry dudes, not sure how your brain gonna help with that lol.
But they have their mind don't they? And the mind doesn't really have any limitations or boundaries now does it? See what I meant about things running amuck? I do not mean to be unkind (truly) but it's almost like listening to idiot savants. Some people are absolute, brilliant morons lol
I know one thing for sure, the intellectuals are the ones to live with DP the longest for a reason. Themselves.
Remember when I talked about the "real self" meeting the "thinking self?" That's kind of what you're dealing with here. Except they probably haven't even met the stranger in the mirror yet. In order to meet him/her you have to have some insight on being humble. Some encounter with the reality of themselves.
And even if they did, instead of showing up at Starbucks dressed to the nines...In their head, the meetings at Harvard. Their "thinking self" is steeped in arrogance. Not about how they look but draped in a sort of pseudo-academia. But make no mistake they're still dancing around the bomb just like us. And as someone who has had this a long time I'll give you my two cents of advice, when you face your stranger: OH HOW THE MIGHTY WILL FALL.
Because when you're THAT detached from the reality of yourself -when confronted with the real deal and how you FEEL about the real deal, I will go as far as to say they're the first to attempt suicide. Because when you're mind is the only tool you've ever used to self sooth, and you learn in the VERY HARDEST WAY POSSIBLE that you can't reason with feelings.
The feelings themselves will be crushing. Only then do you learn this wasn't about intellect at all.
Sooooo good luck with that.
If you find yourself frustrated by this don't be. They are two distinct factions from people on what this is. We don't have to agree. Hell, we don't have to listen or read but I'll be damned if the way I found isn't the way for me and the way most people have beat this. And until you do find your alternate way then I hardly understand how you can justify being smug about traditional therapy? Maybe if you weren't so invested in trying to outsmart your therapist or even go to therapy you might be better equipped to offer an opinion.
So if (like me) you were able to finally realize and come to your senses that this about emotional regulation then you have to accept that you can't help those zombies. They are not ready. If that sounds mean that's really not the intention but the word is still apt. Intellectual zombies, wooden boys, Pinocchio's, robots. That's all they are. Let em "play" being intellectuals. Let them impress themselves and their followers with their with anti-psychotherapeutic rhetoric. Let them commit to a 50 page post on poetic ego death. Or an even longer myopic soliloquy on their feelings of nothingness to explain as much as their capable of what it means not to feel.
And you know what?
I'll see their depersonalized asses next week.
