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Okay y'all I kind of am confused about somethings. I can't decypher at times between ocd and dp or maybe it's bitj. Anyways, San Harris said "we actually don't feel as free as we think we do, this relies on us not paying very close attention to what it's like to be us. If you pay attention you can see that you no more author the next thing you think then the next thing I say. Thoughts simply appear in consciousness. What are you going to think next? What am I going to say next?
I could suddenly start talking about why we don't eat owls. Why don't we eat owls? They seem perfectly good. Okay, where did that come from? It came out of nowhere as far as you're concerned but the same thing is happening in your own mind at this moment. You're trying to listen to me but u also have a voice in your head that says things, haven't you noticed? It says things that are completely unconstrained a times by the the thing you're trying to focus on. I am standing up here trying to reason with you and you will think "he does look a little like Ben Stiller". Thoughts just emerge in consciousness: we are not authoring them. That would require that we think before we think then. If you can't control your next though and you don't know what it's going to be until it arises, where is your freedom of will?"
This is exactlyyyyyy what I've been obsessing on the last few months because I've become aware of this and it makes me feel powerless and that there is no point. And what sucks is I can't tell if it's so bothersome because of how disconnected I feel from my thinking process and my speaking DP related. Or if it's just an obsession or both. This shit literally blew my mind the other day because this is exactly what I've been going over and over in my head and then I stumbled upon this. Anyone have thoughts like these?
 

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Absolutely, and I think I know of the San Harris quote, pretty much validating the way I've always felt, at least.

What was always odd to me was that most people do genuinely feel like they have free will, that they are in control, which always made me wonder whether the problem was in me or in everyone else.

I was a very confused child.
 

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HAH I literally just recorded me rambling about something like this the other day while high as shit. I had just read Descartes meditations and how he concluded that he is a thing that thinks, basically saying that what he is the author of his own thoughts at the base line of his own self, but I didn't think he went deep enough. Our thoughts are just constantly flowing, and we don't question where they come from or why they're there, we just listen to them. There's a certain degree of meta-cognition that we just don't have. We're not constantly analyzing our own present thoughts about why we're thinking them, they just happen, except in depersonalization, where you become hyper-aware of the fact that your thoughts don't really feel like your own. They're just another "sensation", like emotion. They just come and go, against your own will. It's wild and extremely interesting to me. Good to know that a mind like Sam Harris agrees with what I had thought of
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But unlike y'all, the dysphoria and reduced sense of self has kinda left me. I guess I realize that once you've gone this deep into things and realize how little control you have over the things you experience, it's almost a nice kind of release. You have to realize that if you believe all of the above, then this realization you've come to wasn't even under your control. Your brain just kinda took you here. How far does the rabbit hole go? Just because you feel like you lost your sense of agency doesn't put you in control or make you lose control, everything's stayed the same. People genuinely feel they have free will because they feel like they have free will, and you don't think you do because you don't feel it. Eventually you're just like fuck it and realize the feeling/illusion of agency is a integral part in living. It gives you back your emotions and your will to live. It makes life enjoyable again. You don't forget all of the stuff that you've "learned", how the fuck are you gonna forget something this surreal anyway. But it's just easier and more enjoyable.

I noticed I'm rambling but I'm sick as shit and about to vomit tbh so just try to translate what I'm saying into normal people words mmkay.
 

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Like what I'm trying to say is that you have to allow your mind time to think about these things when it wants to. If you have a tendency to start overanalyzing things you need an outlet for you brain to vomit out these existential thoughts you have. You can't just try to ignore it. Make it just a part of your day. Obviously not an advocate for weed when you have bad dpdr and ocd but when I'm starting to feel anxious and my thoughts start firing up I just smoke a little and then record or write what I'm thinking about. It's productive, feels good, and my mind feels like it actually got to say what it was trying to say without me fighting it. Both of y'all should probably go for walks and just make voice memos or type about what you're obsessing over and see if it helps you out.
 
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