roller coaster!

the last few days have been fucked up. one day i feel okay then the next i feel like shit.

but my birthday was a nice one. i actually felt appreciation. it was nice, that was kind of a strong sensation I didn't know I was capable of. gave me hope. Hope I then lost again the next day. but hell I had a good hour and im really happy about it.

i thought i was going to write a pretty long entry but i feel too lost right now.