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hey everyone.

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yeah so i'm just 21. my name's sean. been exercising my whole life as a runner, parkour trainer , swimmer , basketball player (yeah it's kinda strange, i'm some sort of an eclectic) i'm an amateur designer and architect with years of multimedia and graphical design and photography resume. some thing that some of us have in common is creativity or active minds. been smoking weed for about 10 months_weekendly?! just over the weekends. really enjoyed the way it made me calm and gave me ideas about everything. quit smoking it due to the recent panic attacks (overdosing on weed _alone). i was an extremely cool person with a cool mindset before this happened and i'm gonna return back to my old self soon.

i've been lurking around here for the past 3 weeks freaking myself out.and it's time to officially say something. my story is just like everybody else's when you smoke too much weed and your brain doesn't know what to do with it so...

I basically gathered information from every site,blog and forum about dp/dr. And i ultimately understood that it's just anxiety and i accepted it. the chemical imbalance. my brain's defensive mechanism. during these weeks some of my symptoms has decreased in intensity or completely fade away (like sensitivity to light or extreme fatigue _ decreased_short term memory is better) but some disturbing symptoms are:

_distortion of time

_distortion of place

_always felling dreamy (which has also decreased a bit)

_negative OCD thoughts

_feelings of being on autopilot

_really vivid dreams

_hopelessness/ depression

_cognitive impairments : feelings like i've damaged my brain permanently

and i believe they are still there because i never stopped thinking about this as some kind of brain damage (which now i believe has not happened at all). i never let it rest for like 2 days in a row. i'v been stuck in the vicious cycle that never allowed my mind to rest . btw i no longer monitor my actions if they are mine or not. i let it be on autopilot. so what? i can still drive_work_study_... even on an unconscious level ?! if it's the way to be cured let it be. let's be high for a year. let's live dreamy for a while.

IT COULD BE TEMPORARY IF WE LET IT .

i've been dealing with this for the past 25 days (for some of you it's a long time but to the most of you i look like a junior) _but i've monitored my improvement .

and i really believe it's gonna fade away and it's temporary but it's hard not to focus on it and like so many others when i'm too busy doing something i forget about it and i believe that's gonna be helpful if we keep our mind busy all the time. anyways. today i'm here for anyone who's experiencing these symptoms. i'm gonna leave the forum after this and never look back until i'm 100% recovered and if later i remembered here i will come and write some recovery story.

i had a theory some weeks ago that it's like a flu. but it's not yet been so common that everyone knows what it is. it's just like a flu that you think is gonna last forever because you can't believe it's really temporary. maybe in 10 years from now people are cured in two weeks after getting this symptoms. so we are all just trapped inside this fear that is interfering with our lives. if we never knew about the flu and never used any medications we could freak out on it and even die from it as it used to happen so many years ago when people had no clue what a flu is. and this is mental. so if our mind is gonna recover we have to go on with our lives and get our self-confidence back_that makes it start recovering.

i believe there are so many recovered ones. And so many other people who after using SSRI's just think they are cured and by going off meds they begin to feel it again and freak out again. so the best way is to cure it naturally by positive thinking habits.

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Some say it's enlightenment some say other **** . it's none of them. it even doesn't matter how you get it. from mdma,mushrooms,weed,trauma,depression,... it's temporary. of course temporary could be 2 months for some people and 10 years for some others based on the way they act and think upon this.

some of our cognitive abilities and perception are temporary disabled due to the high levels of anxiety/depression/trauma/lack of sleep ... that's all. we're all in the same boat of anxiety/depression/... over nothing. a boat that is far away from the Island of normalcy and is stuck in the middle of the sea. if we dive back into the sea and forget about the damn boat and start to swim again_no matter how hard, strange or not helpful_we will reach a point where we can't see the damn boat at all and ultimately we're near the the island of normalcy. that's when we write about our journey and send it to the people suffering in the boat

. It does take different time periods for each sufferer to get back to the island and we all may encounter demons and relapses and attempts of returning to the boat but there is a time when we realize not caring about it is the CURE, we fear no loss, no demon, no anxiety and we start to swim away from this boat. Basically in the end everybody is rescued no matter how much he/she stayed in the boat _ days? months? years? decades? a whole life?_ and if you can't believe this you can't recover.

dive into the sea of life .swim . get busy. forget about the boat. THE ISLAND IS SOMEWHERE NEAR. we will start to see the heights of the mountains. moments of reality. until the island is all clear to us. that's definitely way more than possible! i'm going to start swimming mates coz i got a life i won't give for a damn anxiety/depression . if you don't know how to swim first you gotta learn swimming. wherever in the sea you were surrounded by thoughts and monsters and you perceived the world differently and wanted it to end just say fuck it _don't look back at the boat. swim across the island. just go on. take it easy. calm down. no what ifs. forget the boat. there are so many people stuck in their boats and so many others just reaching the island .and remember when we come out of this journey we will be superior to the people who never experienced this. we could beat anything. btw i got it from weed and the only underlying issues i had were light depression and a bit of solitude. that i have to work on.

__When we're in the boat/obsessing: It seems impossible to reach the island.=> so don't freak out

Just Dreamy times

__When we're out trying to swim/live: It seems impossible to reach the island just by swimming.=> so don't freak out

Just Dreamy Times

__When we're fighting negative thoughts and demons by ignoring them: It seems impossible to reach the island => so don't freak out

Some Strange Reality times _ Mostly Dreamy Times

__When we're swimming across the shore

(by the time we've buried our negative thoughts and are busy all the time): It starts to get real again

More reality times_ less dreamy times

__When we are walking on the shore we almost cannot remember what being in that boat felt like <<we're too busy to remember it at all>> like all the smart people who made accounts, made posts and never came back.

JUST REALITY TIMES

lol. this is just too poetical to look at some brain recovery. anyway...

[_When we remember this hard struggle, this ***** realm of solitude :D, later _we feel strong, confident and motivated.

[_We don't have to change the way we live_ we have to readjust our mindset to the way it feels happy and relaxed.

and BTW i'm just exercising and breathing correctly and taking natural nutrition for my brain to heal. from fish oil and avocados to nuts and multivitamins . no SSRI's . no Antidepressants. just my will. it's no big of a deal.

This is the way i'm getting out of this. If you think differently i totally respect you. It's the most confusing experience of one's life.

and if you still think there's a problem with your mind/soul... you have to stop thinking that way unless you really like to hang in there for long!

good luck everyone!
 
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