[tori]

hi all,

just wondering how dp is affecting personal relationships and if partners and friends are finding it difficult. I am worried my relationship is falling apart. My sex drive has almost disappeared. Dp makes it feel weird. It's even difficult to speak to my boyfriend anymore as i feel i'm always whining about my problem and trying to get him to understand. He seems to be becoming more distant. Any views?

 

[Guest]

^ is that you in your avatar??

Anyways, im not currently in a relationship, ive never really been good with serious relationships, than again im only 19. I know girls in the past have shown interest or said i was cute or whatever, but if i like a girl i get real anxious and don't know what to say, so i usually do nothing. Either that or i feel so miserable i don't even feel motivated to talk to a girl like that. Now that im in college i really need to do something, and theres some cute girls, but im drawing blanks on what to do cuz i don't know them at all, at least in High School i knew the girls. I gotta figure somethin out, problem is by the time i do that, it will probably be too late.

 

[Guest]

Soul, dont even trip homie...you are a very talented young brother with the music thing going on and the fact that you are aquiering tons of knowledge by this particular experience in life...i guarante that you will fine a fine girl to share your life with or at least to have "fun" with..haha...so jaut hang in thee and take it in stride....throw some old school on and listen to your roots and you will find yourself much easier...as you well know, music can change lots of things on ones life....just stay up pimp...laters,

 

[JAG]

Yeah, I think DP/DR has affected my relationships in the past since I felt so isolated in my symptoms before I was diagnosed.

 

[dreamcatcher]

totally feel for you tori, relationship are extremely difficult with dp, its hard to show love,communicate and all the bed room antics, expecially when your stuck analazing everything. takes the fun out of it all doesnt it :?:

 

[peacedove]

Yes... my sex drive is practically nonexistant. My bf complains about it constantly which stresses me out and pisses me off and makes me not wanna do anything even more. DP definitely makes my relationship... all my relationships weird. I feel distant all the time. And I look back on past relationships like wow was that really me with that guy? One guy in particular... I was really, really close to him for 3 years and now it's like who is he?

 

[tori]

thanx guys for all your replies.. some days feel easier than others. it's just horrible!! it feels like because i don't feel anything, i am "acting" the way i think i should be feeling. Then i get annoyed with myself coz its all false... :roll: .....hopefully it will get easier....we'll be fine!

 

[Guest]

Heh. I'm a total self-sabatuer with relationships. I enter them with the knowledge that it'll fuck up eventually. I've got assloads of mental problem baggery but i tend to seek out women with the same issues. Hehe, it always ends up being me who is the bigger basketcase though.

I can't talk or bare my soul to anyone without getting anxious and looking like an ass: my parents, friends, girlfriend. I think we might all just have to become serial rapists

 

[peacedove]

And I seem to seek out men who have issues... Usually their issues include an anger problem and depression.

My bf is suicidal... so am I kinda. See I'm too scared to do it, but he isn't. So how does one suicidal talk another out of it? The only thing I can say to him is what keeps me alive... "How do you know where we go when we die?" "What if we go to an even worse place?".... And I tell him how he's smart and can accomplish anything he wants, but of course he doesn't believe me.

He doesn't understand me at all. He knows about my DP and yet he's surprised when I seem distant. He gets mad cuz I'm all down and when he asks whats wrong I say I don't know. He says I'm not affectionate enough, he doesn't feel loved by me. I don't know what to do. I do love him but I can't just put on a happy face and be a normal girlfriend... I wish I could.

Sorry don't know where I was going with this.

 

[Guest]

i started my current relationship being quasi-DP'd. i have been in some state of DP the entire course of our 20 month relationship. my boyfriend is aware of my condition, though he does not understand it. he's sympathetic if i need him to be. however, there is only so much you can ramble on about this condition. it's with me constantly, but it's not like i can talk about it all the time. it'd be like talking about breathing all the time. it's just there, constantly. i feel so distant from my boyfriend at times, and that really bothers me. i sometimes don't seem to feel anything at all, even when he's right beside me.

oddly enough, it hasn't affected our sex life. when we're having sex, i don't seem to notice the DP much, probably because i am so distracted with what we're doing. sometimes sex helps me connect with my boyfriend. however, it's frustrating to feel so distanced from the love of your life. but, i feel that way towards everyone. what helps me cope sometimes is knowing i feel that way towards everyone, and not just him. this reminds me that our relationship is fine, and i just have this detachment problem. it also helps for me to talk to him about it from time to time. therapy also helps. him being who he is (very stable) also helps. i try to focus on those things. so yes, for me, a relationship is very possible. before i experienced this DP, i was always very open, caring, loving and communicative, and those things have allowed me to have a successful relationship, in spite of my condition.

 

[university girl]

Tori,

Love your avatar...very pretty. Just wanted to say a few bits... My sex drive is very low . Also, i have quite a hard time with relationships. It seems as though there are many people i can talk to about my problems but when it boils down to it, there's no one I WANT to talk to about it. I've come to realize we are completely alone in this world...that's why I really want a dog. :wink: Can't talk to mom, sresses her out and don't want to bring down friends. I could see a therapist but can't afford it... geez. Being able to talk to someone who is paid to listen to you would be great. Hope you can afford it. So, I try not to talk about my probs around others unless they can tell I feel like shit. When this is the case I just say 'same old stuff' to them. In some ways I prefer to avoid talking about my problems with friends cause it's nice to (try) to forget about them for a while.

Uni-G

 

[Guest]

dp sure doesn't help my relationship.
dp doesn't help any aspect of my life...........wish it would just bugga off

grrrr :x

 

[Guest]

DP doesn't help any aspect of my life, either, but i am trying to learn ways of "ignoring" it, though it'd be really hard to ignore someone sticking their finger in your ear, right?

i found that i am able to have a successful relationship, in spite of the DP, due to my man and i communicating about the issue. also helps that he's very understanding.

 

[bat]

i'm going to get a rescue dog.
b/f's only known me with varying states of dp, though much of the time has been minimal, so it's not like i've changed!
whatever the sexdrive b/f always complains for more. thought he should have grown out of this obsession by now. i mean, sometimes when i don't want it i give in to please him. doesn't fix things; the more he gets the more he wants. not sure if this is a dp problem. from my corner at times can't face sex, other times it helps distract from dp. making sure b/f gets some makes for a nice atmosphere
an unconditional dog will be perfect

 

[Guest]

Callisto9 - that rat is so cute. It's a rat, right? I used to work at a pet store and my favorite animals were the cute rats. hehe

PDR - I think getting a rescue dog is a great idea. Dogs provide amazing companionship and they have means of judging you.

 

[JAG]

I can't say DP or DR has in any way lessened my sex drive, but apart from that DP/DR is not an easy thing to get others to understand. And to be honest when I try they seem oddly not near as interested in it as I am.

 

[person3]

Tori,

You could be experiencing a self-fulfilling prophecy. You worry that DP/DR will mess up your relationship, then you talk about it with your boyfriend, then you become distant as to keep from being a burden or to keep from being the one to ruin the relationship (you would rather blame it on the DP/DR)...then your boyfriend becomes distant.

The Dp/Dr doesn't ruin the relationship, you do. Try loving your boyfriend as much as possible, and also letting him know when you want him to love/support/do something for you. You can still love even if you can't feel/enjoy it, and it will come back.

 

[person3]

Also, instead of talking about your DP with him, focus on HIM instead. It will get your mind off of it. Obviously you care about your boyfriend, otherwise you wouldn't be posting this. So, SHOW you care. Listen to him talk about his day, etc. It will get you out of your head.

 

[Guest]

yes, kari, it's a rat! i used to have two of them, but had to give them back to boyfriend since i am INSANELY allergic. i miss them so much, but at least i know they are with a good person. rats are amazing pets, but most people can't get past the stigma of them being disease carriers.

kari, may i ask how old you are?

 

[dreamcatcher]

pdr......same here......doesnt matter if i was humped every god damm day it still wouldnt be enough for my bf.......but as u say gives a better atmosphere if he doesnt have ball ache.LOL