Relapsed

Hey everyone ive been gere before and decided to make my first post. I origi ally got this from weed when i was 16 and had it for roughly 6-8 months and got over slowly i managed to get over it and was enjoying life somewhat. Now me being the fucking idiot i am decided to take weed again from when i was 21, my friend kept pressuring me to try edibles and i was dru k so i took em.Usually i dont even smoke that much weed since im cautious i really didnt want to have to go through this again but unfortunantly i ended up having a brutal panic attack. it was around feburary and i still have it. Im starting to lose hope and im considering killing myself, i dont see the point anymore i used to have so many hopes and dreams and now i have nothing. I can barley draw when it gets bad i just lay down and rot. It was getting okay for a bit but then i got sick and had to ween off my meds becausd they were making me feel worse. i drank a bit and that also made me feel bad so i stopped altogether. I decided to listen to everyones advice workout, socialize, eat healthy, take vitamins but it didnt do much. I'm not sure if it will take the same time as when i was 16, because it took 6-8months for it to be bearable but im worried i fucked myself over and im gonna deal with this for a long time and if i do ill gladly end my life no way im living like this for a year.Im also slowly starting to hit another low like i did last april which i couldnt even get out of the bed for a month. Ah well all it takes is one night to ruin your life funny how that works but i dont mind paying for my stupidity with my own life. I dont expect anyone to read this but thanks. Also sorry for the length o didnt expect to type this much.