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783 Views 5 Replies 3 Participants Last post by  jeepchic1978
Ok so I have been beyond stressed out the past few weeks! Sorta feels like my whole life is crashing in on me! SOOOOOOOOOOOOo much has been happening! Well to be totally honest... even though I have posted here twice about how my DR is gone and how good I am doing I knew I was dew! I dunno how to explain it but I could just feel myself mentally breaking down! I have been so out of it with everything happeneing! Anyway (before I ramble even more) Sat was a long day and at about 7pm I started feeling a litle... funny.... and around 10pm I weas driving down the road in the pitch black(which for some reason seemed so much worse than it happening during the day) and suddenly notice... reality had floated away and I was back in DR land once again! I was a lil freaked out at first ... like what the hell!? Why did that happen!? Not to mention I have never actually had an episode start while driving! That was sorta freaky!
Well, I had told my friend all about DR and how it affected me and everything months ago when I found this site. Well I asked her (when this happened sat.) if she remembered me telling her about that and what it is. She said yes and I told her that I had no clue why but my mind just sorta floated off. From there on I remember the whole conversation we had but the rest of the ride to her house and almost all the way home seems like a blurr and a bad dream!
I started to panic a lil... thinking things like what if I get so out of it I cant get home! Cuz I felt pretty far off in left field! But I told myself it was ok, to calm down and that I am just waaaaay way stressed right now and I have been supressing all my emotions about everything happening right now and that is why it happened. Told myself to calm down and it would be ok.
Well I was feeling better and almost all the way home... like 2 miles from and I see blue lights flashing behind me! Thinking oh great! I must have been speeding! On top of it I still sorta feel like I am in DR land and thinking I was worried I was gonna sound hi to the cop since I felt it! He asked for my insurance and as I was digging in my glove box to find my current card (I had like 10 old ones in there ) My hands were shaking sooo bad! I thought for sure the cop was gonna think I was on something or somethin was up! He stood there watching me look through all my old cards and I told him I couldnt find my current one. He said he would run my ID and be back. When he came back he said I had expired tags and to not worry about my Ins card I couldnt find and he would let me off with a warning this time! He was super nice... besides the point though.
Well wouldnt you know it when I pulled away my hands were steady and I was about 85 -90% of my way b ack into reality! DR land was almost gone! It was so weird! It was like the reality of dealing with a cop snapped me right back into it! Which I find super Ironic because when life gets too real and I have DR usually it makes it worse but instead it brought me back!
At any rate that is the end of my little story! I am not sure if I am wanting to vent or rant... maybe I am curious if anyone has had a similar experience!? I dunno. I keep thinking it sucked so bad to not have a tiny rlapse like the one I posted about last time... where I was talking to someone and it came and I made it go away... no a full big awful sudden plunge into DR land once again! But thanks to all the stuff I have learned from you all I think I handled it really well! Also I think in part I did a good job of fighting it off even before I got pulled over. So I dunno... guess I am just rambling now...
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well I was actually really impressed with the fact that I handled it so well and that I seem to be back to normal again! I think I am more worried that this is going to happen again... since I am so insanely stressed and next time I may not pop out of it so easy! I think that I could maybe handle it... but I dunno... I am scared that I wont and will go back to walking around freaked out all the time! I dont want to do that! I have decided I WONT do that... lol but if I had total control over that then you wouldnt even be reading this post!
I dunno... I think I am good for now. I need to get all of the insanity out of my life right now... I sorta feel like it is making me loose it bein so stressed!
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