I have this constant feeling that everything is so wrong, i feel fucking uncomfortable living, especially in my own house i feel really awkward.... i feel like burrying myself in the mud because i feel awkward&uncomfortable EVERYWHERE. Does anyone else have this awkward feeling? Like everything is so wrong
Another thing;
I have questions about dpdr alll day long, i don't have intrusive thoughts (never had those) but i only have questions like 'is this ever going away' 'am i unique?' 'Maybe i have something else...' and i can't stop obsessing. It's 24/7 and i feel trapped for almost 10 months now.. also, is this anxiety? Because i don't have panic attacks or bad anxiety (i cry a lot, i feel my heartbeat constant, i shake somtimes)
Tips for recovery are very welcome!!!
The incessant questions are the intrusive thoughts. To me, it sounds like you do have a lot of anxiety. When this started for me, I would often shake, cry, and sweat profusely.
I've made a ton of progress and I'm actually beginning my weaning off of Lexapro tomorrow because of it. Here's what has worked for me.
Exercise - You need to get cardio exercise every day, for at least 20 minutes per day, no exceptions, and you need to work your way up to ~45 minutes per day. I know how shitty exercise is, especially when you're in what I call the living hell stage of DP you're in right now. This is a hard step to take, but it helps in almost every other aspect of DP recovery and makes it so much easier in the long run.
Sleep - You need to get whatever your normal amount of sleep is every night, and it needs to be at roughly the same time always. Being sleep deprived and not getting sleep at a regular interval adds to the disoriented feeling of DP. This step was the most difficult for me because I suffered from very poor sleep for 2 years before getting DP. Exercise will help you with this, and was what allowed me to get the sleep I need.
Food - Reduce your added sugar intake, as well as caffeine. Sugar can cause a lot of gut inflammation, which only adds to your feelings of lethargy. It also causes your blood sugar to spike, then rapidly fall shortly after. Caffeine is strongly correlated with anxiety. I'm not saying you must entirely quit either of these things, but reducing them is very helpful. Also, try to eat meals at regular times each day, and snack between each meal. This will keep your blood sugar stable, giving you regular energy throughout the day.
Supplements - I know a lot of people consider these meme level cringey, but lets face it. Most of us eat garbage and we don't get a lot of the things we need from food. A good multivitamin and fish oil will do the job.
Thought Processes - Assuming you don't have the blank mind symptom, you need to get these constant questions about DP out of your head. I know it may not feel like these are causing any anxiety for you, but you don't know much about your feelings when you have DP. This is why it's called a dissociative disorder. A lot of people say distraction is key here, and while it certainly helps temporarily, the thoughts come back once the distraction ends. What worked for me was a consistent confrontation with them. You need to undermine these thoughts. "Is this ever going away?" was my biggest one, and it drove me to tears many times because I thought I was so far gone that there would never be a way out. I undermined these thoughts with recovery stories and reassurances from a psychologist who has successfully treated DP that this nightmare would come to an end. These thoughts then took a turn for the ridiculous, such as "you looked at the sun for a second, surely you'll go blind soon". These are the easiest to undermine and get rid of. Once you get a handle on this, you'll notice a big change. All the time you spend on obsessive thoughts about DP and DP related things will be freed up so you can pursue your interests. The disorientation and "everything seems fucked up" feelings will greatly subside if you do this. Keep in mind, this includes avoiding this website, other websites about DP, and Youtube videos about DP.
Accountability/Support - This is the most important one. You need support. You need someone to make sure you do the things you know you need to do to recover. How can you motivate yourself when you're cut off from your emotions and feel no sense of reward for accomplishing things because of DP? It's very hard, but becomes so much easier when you have people helping you. If you can, reach out to someone who cares for you and ask then to help you.
Medication - I'm no expert here, but I'll fill you in on my experience with Lexapro, an SSRI. The first two nights of taking it, I felt that I should commit suicide. I knew this was likely to happen, as it is printed as an FDA warning for SSRI's, but it was extremely uncomfortable and not something that should be messed with, especially if you keep firearms in your home. This subsided, and the other side effects were pretty mild. It did give me a little relief from anxiety, but it also left me feeling even more disconnected from my emotions, which is the opposite of the outcome you want with DP recovery. It was sort of like cutting off my hand to relieve the pain of a broken finger. I would not recommend it for treating DP, as it increaeses emotional numbing, and there are a lot of ways to reduce anxiety without medication.
I really want you to implement all of these things into your life. Start with what is easiest for you, and move on to the harder things as you get stronger. Do NOT get discouraged if you don't notice a difference immediately. It took me at least a couple of months of implementing these things before I began see serious results. I've gone from having multiple panic attacks daily and not being able to do anything but lay in bed to living the NEET life and having no worries about DP as the symptoms lift and I look forward to my next day of good food, video games, music, and family time. Get well soon.
