Recovering from psychosis

I feel exhausted, muddled, and dissociated.

Maybe in the future I can wrap my head around exactly what's happened, but now it's like a puzzle that's slowly coming together. The time-line isn't exactly clear and summoning the ability to tell a point A to B story isn't easy, but I can recall events.

I had withdrawals from heavy marijuana use and lost sleep. I became obsessed. I lost a friend. I walked the streets. I thought I was on a mission. I called the police. I thought I could be Jesus Christ. I thought I was in purgatory. I thought the world was ending. I saw "visions". I tried "saving" a forum filled with trolls and it made me even more mad.

I started believing in God and felt he was communicating with me through the television and magazines. It felt so real and the message of love felt so right...

I thought the people trying to help me were against me. I went to the hospital...it wasn't a good place. I didn't tell the people around me everything I believed or saw. I was sometimes antagonistic and almost always paranoid. The staff didn't like me and the patients were allowed to be emotionally abusive.

Some symptoms still lingered even until today, but they'll be gone soon.

I want my friend back, and I want myself back...and it'll take time. My future will be filled with perseverance and kindness. I have to move forward, and I will with exuberance, wonder, a level-head, a thirst for learning, and a gratefulness I didn't have before.

For now I'm taking things one day at a time and trying not to over-think. I'll question my recent interpretations of reality, but not forget about love.

It sounds overly-sappy, but when your world is falling apart you realize the importance of certain people and things.