[GroupHug]

I feel exhausted, muddled, and dissociated.

Maybe in the future I can wrap my head around exactly what's happened, but now it's like a puzzle that's slowly coming together. The time-line isn't exactly clear and summoning the ability to tell a point A to B story isn't easy, but I can recall events.

I had withdrawals from heavy marijuana use and lost sleep. I became obsessed. I lost a friend. I walked the streets. I thought I was on a mission. I called the police. I thought I could be Jesus Christ. I thought I was in purgatory. I thought the world was ending. I saw "visions". I tried "saving" a forum filled with trolls and it made me even more mad.

I started believing in God and felt he was communicating with me through the television and magazines. It felt so real and the message of love felt so right...

I thought the people trying to help me were against me. I went to the hospital...it wasn't a good place. I didn't tell the people around me everything I believed or saw. I was sometimes antagonistic and almost always paranoid. The staff didn't like me and the patients were allowed to be emotionally abusive.

Some symptoms still lingered even until today, but they'll be gone soon.

I want my friend back, and I want myself back...and it'll take time. My future will be filled with perseverance and kindness. I have to move forward, and I will with exuberance, wonder, a level-head, a thirst for learning, and a gratefulness I didn't have before.

For now I'm taking things one day at a time and trying not to over-think. I'll question my recent interpretations of reality, but not forget about love.

It sounds overly-sappy, but when your world is falling apart you realize the importance of certain people and things.

 

[missjess]

Wow u poor thing so u had been suffering with dp and then u got psychosis from marrijuana ? How long after?

I hope u feel better soon....ppl shud seriously not underestimate the cause of dp and other mental illnesses could very well be drug related

 

[GroupHug]

Wow u poor thing so u had been suffering with dp and then u got psychosis from marrijuana ? How long after?

I hope u feel better soon....ppl shud seriously not underestimate the cause of dp and other mental illnesses could very well be drug related

I think it was a combination of the marijuana (and withdrawal), lack of sleep, and my predisposition to psychosis/anxiety/obsession (I've had delusions before and they started when I started to smoke). I don't remember exactly, but it started after staying up for a few days after quitting.

I don't want people to connect DP to what happened to me (because psychosis and DP are two very different conditions) or make them anxious about going crazy.

I believe if I continue my sobriety I'll make a full recovery and won't have a need for anti-psychotics, though they are helpful at the moment...despite the side-effects.

 

[missjess]

Yes I have heard marrijuana is known to bring about psychosis and dissociation in many people..

I know they are 2 seperate conditions but I'm trying to make the fact known that drugs CAN be a cause for dp and other mental illnesses and in ur case psychosis..

 

[missjess]

I have a friend who got schizophrenia from marrijuana use age and he has to be on meds for the rest of his life

 

[GroupHug]

I also feel like mentioning I had some hypomania, but luckily wasn't much more than annoying, or when challenged - prickly.

I did get in touch with family I wouldn't normally get in touch with, but I'll have to learn not to shut all of my family out emotionally and deal with the consequences of my actions and behavior responsibly, and with my own and others best interest in mind.

I so feel like I want my life and lifestyle in order, and want to take measured steps to really move forward (getting my GED and then going to a community college).

Atm I mostly rest with the occasional walk or errand....which is what I need right now.

I don't know how I'll view everything once the snow settles, but I'll have to see things differently than before to change.