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Hey guys, after recovering from DPDR about a month ago after having it for 2 years, I want to continue on with life but I find it very difficult. I was afflicted with horrid DR and crazy existential/psychological thoughts that shook me to my core, and I guess they still affect me even now? Everything looks/feel real, but nothing feels genuine anymore. I still feel like every person is just an animal and everything I used to care about and put value into are literally meaningless to me now, but now that I feel better my family expects me to go back to being the same before I had it. I don't want to sound edgy and nihilistic but it's hard not to be after going through the literal hell that is extreme derealization.

I still get some enjoyment out of things that give me short term pleasure (doing stuff with friends, drugs, games, etc), but anything else is just why. The only thing like that that I still have a little interest in is DPDR research I guess (which is why I'm majoring in psych), but even that is fading as I recover more. It's like life has become a chore, and now I'm just kinda stuck here until I die I guess. It's like depression, but not really, because it's founded on thoughts rather than emotions.

Idk if this sounds like complaining, because being like this is infinitely better than what a lot of what you guys are still going through, but can anyone relate?
 

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Perhaps you are not fully recovered after all.
 

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nah I think I am. There's a very clear difference in how I feel right now and how I felt before. I'm not constantly analyzing reality and wondering if it's real etc. If you go through my post history you can see the kinda things I struggled with, and while I still believe them intellectually, they don't ruin me like they did before. I basically feel normal with just those thoughts floating around my head.

I don't wanna be one of those people that claims they're woke or anything, but I feel like I have a much higher level of awareness than normal people now. I just don't know what to do with it. Maybe I should become religious or something idk. What I'm doing currently isn't meaningful enough.
 

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Hi
I think I understand what ypur saying , I've been semi recovered or maybe I was in the past and it felt boring as if I couldn't be who i was pre this because my brain ad changed.
As if im stuck just living till I die because everything is meaningless.
I kinda feel this all now again
Life's a chore / perfect example of feeling .
 

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We never know anything... When we are in some state.. We think we have control over it.. We think we know where we are and who we are. But i have seen that heres so many states so many thinks and ways to experience this life. And im so mad i have to go through something like this and live like this.. It is just total nightmare everyday. Like im stuck in loop of thoughts and feelings. Nothing seems to be mine. I get stuck in places i never wanna be. And sometimes i have had luck to get somewhere more better place. But usually it is this constant battle and suffer. It makes it more terrible to know what life have been and what it is now..i have been in heaven and hell and hell is always more here. Somehow it is more easier create pain than happiness
 

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I know this post is a couple months old now but someone pointed me to this post and omg i relate to this right now. I feel my dpdrs going away but now im suffering extreme nihilism. Nothing feels like it matters or is fulfilling. And even joy and happiness feel pointless to me now after all those thoughts of our universe being pointless. Its absolutely awful.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
This is the point where everything starts to get better. You'll realize wallowing in nihilistic depression is boring, lame, and even more meaningless than life itself. Basically you gotta rebuild those essential emotional connections to your world that dpdr destroyed. Just takes time.
 
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