Depersonalization Support Forum banner
1 - 14 of 14 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello! I always used this website to keep my head afloat while I was heavily struggling with DP/DR, and I hoped one day I could come back here to give my recovery story. I am so happy to say that today is the day.

My Backstory

I have never struggled with mental illness. I've never considered myself anxious or depressed outside of normal nervousness or sadness. When I was a kid, I had a little OCD, but I grew out of that with age. I have a pretty perfect life, in all honesty. I'm a 4.0 honors college student, a leader in all of my student organization, I am in a very supportive relationship of almost 8 years, and I have a very loving family. If I'm being honest, I've never struggled for much. I'm just telling you this so that you know that DP/DR can happen to absolutely ANYONE. For reference, I am currently a 21 year old woman. I first started to experience DP/DR when I was 20, so about 11 months ago.

My DP/DR Story

I started vaping weed probably a little too much. Several days a week, I would say. One day, my roommate and I got into edibles, and I ate a little too much. I was lounging in a hammock watching the Office, then all of a sudden something just hit me like a ton of bricks-- I was instantly in a panic attack. I was like, transported to another world. I thought I was dead. I got my boyfriend home who just sat with me for hours. I was out of it all night, but when I woke up the next morning, I was mostly fine. Throughout the next week, I would occasionally get a fleeting feeling like I was back in it, but it always went away. I thought that I was just scared, so I wanted to get over my fear by smoking more (I'm an idiot). Looking back, I now realize I was experiencing PTSD. I experienced it a few more times while smoking, but never at the scale I was at that first time.

Fast forward a couple months, and I temporarily moved to Seattle for an internship at Amazon. I was living with some friends, so I wasn't alone, but I wasn't with my family and close friends like I'm used to. Weed is legal there, so I smoked some more. One day, when I was completely sober at work, I texted one of my friends the story of that really bad trip I had with the edibles a month or two before, and I instantly slipped back into it. Completely sober at work. I had a panic attack and just ran out the door back to my apartment.

For the next week, I didn't really tell anyone what I was experiencing. I had panic attacks nonstop every day. I could barely function. I didn't eat, could hardly sleep, couldn't go to work, couldn't really do anything but cry. Me, someone who has never felt my body do something not normal ever, was ready to die. I finally broke down and called my parents who weren't really supportive, but that was more or less because they didn't understand the severity of it. I worked with my boss, who luckily allowed me to fly home for an entire month and work from there.

I'm not going to go into specific details of how I was feeling because I don't want to relive it or even give it the time of day, but it was some of the worst I have read from people on this website. I had all the symptoms.

I've always been a very practical person, so I tried my best to treat is as practically as I could. I kept working as much as I could, just trying to keep my mind off it it. I managed to keep my internship going, and I was even offered a full time job, though I didn't choose to take it. I was amazed they offered it to me since I was so out of it all the time.

I did as much research as I could, visited multiple therapists, etc. I started taking lots of vitamins to help jump start me to a better mindset, and they really helped. I'll include all that info below. I also started exercising more, which I have never done, and it helped, as well.

Therapy

I went to multiple therapists and psychiatrists, and while they may not have helped temporarily, I think they helped give me new perspectives in the long run. Some of them were terrible and didn't tell me anything to make me feel better. Many of them told me I could be like this forever, which is utterly stupid. I do not think they had any idea of my specific situation, and they were just giving me blanket remarks for people with mental illness. You will definitely get better if you try.

Why I Got DP/DR

I definitely think I got DP/DR because of smoking weed, but it was just the catalyst. The real issue is that I got the Nexplanon birth control implant put in my arm last year. As soon as I came back to my home town, I got it removed. Within 3 months of the removal, I got exponentially better. People with ovaries, if you have issues with mental illness, try stopping birth control.

Vitamins

I read everything I could on which vitamins to take to help alleviate symptoms to get me on the road to recovery. I still take these vitamins to this day, and I can tell a noticeable difference when I don't take them, so I highly recommend starting them now. Make the investment.

  1. Nordic Naturals Ultimate Omega 1280 mg Omega-3
    ** Try to get something with LOTS of EPA and DHA
    I started with 2 a day, and I now take 1 a day
  2. Nature's Bounty 100 mg 5-HTP
    I started with 2 a day, and I now take 1 a day
  3. Nature's Bounty 5000 IU D3
  4. Country Life Coenzyme B-Complex Caps
    I started with 2 a day, and I now take 1 a day
  5. Natural Calm Magnesium Supplement- 2 tsp a day
    Make sure you work up to the 2 tsp a day because it can make you go #2

How I Feel Now

I was always so worried when I read recovery stories on here about people recovering 80% or whatever. I didn't want any part of this terrible affliction, and it made me vomit to think that I might only get partially recovered. I am 99.9999999% recovered in 10 months. No doubt. The only reason I leave that 0.00000001% is because I can remember the story well enough to write this. Mind you, I'm not saying I remember the feelings because I really don't. It honestly feels like a big ole bad dream at this point. As you get better, you realize just how crazy your thoughts were the whole time. You may be saying something that feels completely 100% logical in your head, but it isn't, and it just takes time to realize that. The reason no one ever posts when they are completely over DP/DR is because they just forgot about it. It is just no longer worth their time anymore.

My Biggest Issue

My biggest issue throughout recovery was my constantly thinking "am I better now?" or "is this it?? Is this normal?" Trust me, when you are back to normal, you will know with no doubt, so just wait it out.

My Advice to You

1) Try to give it as little of your time as possible. I know it sounds completely impossible, but start getting into projects. Getting back into college, for me, was a huge help.

2) Try to come up with a list of things you can do to better your health. Drink more water, exercise, eat better.

3) Cut out caffeine COMPLETELY.

4) Take the vitamins I listed every day.

5) Remind yourself that this isn't you. Just like your body can get a cold, your mind can get DP/DR.

6) Take your time to get better and enjoy life.

I will try my best to respond to comments and stuff, so feel free to ask me questions. I remember reading some posts like this one that just made me cry my eyes out because it gave me so much hope. Hang onto that hope!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
My biggest worry is that I don't know how it is to feel normal again but you gave me hope congratulations for the recovery
I am so happy you have hope!! You will get out of it, it just may take a bit of time. Believe me, though, you will recognize normalcy! I was always terrified that I would never fully feel like I was back to normal, but once you are healthy, it is like you never left your normal healthy feeling. You will be fine!! Hang on to that hope!

Also, it always helped me to have like a mantra or saying whenever I started to question myself. I would say something like: "I am on the road to recovery, and I know I will be healthy and normal again soon." It helps because it is true!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Hello, did you have blurry vision during dp?
Hello! Yes, I did. I had the worst versions of every symptom I have found on this website. I couldn't focus on anything ever. Try not to focus on your symptoms, though, because that just delays recovery. Try your absolute best to not focus on DP or DR at all. Get off this website if you can, and if you need a hope boost, only read the recovery stories. Best of luck!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Hi. I bought these, how long did you take them for to see effects?

And did you take them all together?
I'm so glad you got them! I know it has been a while since you posted this, but I bet you are already starting to notice small changes. For me, it has been about a year, and I am virtually completely done with it. I'd say by 3 or 4 months, I was seeing major improvements. I took most of them together, though I tried to space it out some so it wasn't so hard on my stomach. Make sure to take them with food, even if you don't have an appetite. I hope you are already doing better!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
55 Posts
Hello! I always used this website to keep my head afloat while I was heavily struggling with DP/DR, and I hoped one day I could come back here to give my recovery story. I am so happy to say that today is the day.

My Backstory

I have never struggled with mental illness. I've never considered myself anxious or depressed outside of normal nervousness or sadness. When I was a kid, I had a little OCD, but I grew out of that with age. I have a pretty perfect life, in all honesty. I'm a 4.0 honors college student, a leader in all of my student organization, I am in a very supportive relationship of almost 8 years, and I have a very loving family. If I'm being honest, I've never struggled for much. I'm just telling you this so that you know that DP/DR can happen to absolutely ANYONE. For reference, I am currently a 21 year old woman. I first started to experience DP/DR when I was 20, so about 11 months ago.

My DP/DR Story

I started vaping weed probably a little too much. Several days a week, I would say. One day, my roommate and I got into edibles, and I ate a little too much. I was lounging in a hammock watching the Office, then all of a sudden something just hit me like a ton of bricks-- I was instantly in a panic attack. I was like, transported to another world. I thought I was dead. I got my boyfriend home who just sat with me for hours. I was out of it all night, but when I woke up the next morning, I was mostly fine. Throughout the next week, I would occasionally get a fleeting feeling like I was back in it, but it always went away. I thought that I was just scared, so I wanted to get over my fear by smoking more (I'm an idiot). Looking back, I now realize I was experiencing PTSD. I experienced it a few more times while smoking, but never at the scale I was at that first time.

Fast forward a couple months, and I temporarily moved to Seattle for an internship at Amazon. I was living with some friends, so I wasn't alone, but I wasn't with my family and close friends like I'm used to. Weed is legal there, so I smoked some more. One day, when I was completely sober at work, I texted one of my friends the story of that really bad trip I had with the edibles a month or two before, and I instantly slipped back into it. Completely sober at work. I had a panic attack and just ran out the door back to my apartment.

For the next week, I didn't really tell anyone what I was experiencing. I had panic attacks nonstop every day. I could barely function. I didn't eat, could hardly sleep, couldn't go to work, couldn't really do anything but cry. Me, someone who has never felt my body do something not normal ever, was ready to die. I finally broke down and called my parents who weren't really supportive, but that was more or less because they didn't understand the severity of it. I worked with my boss, who luckily allowed me to fly home for an entire month and work from there.

I'm not going to go into specific details of how I was feeling because I don't want to relive it or even give it the time of day, but it was some of the worst I have read from people on this website. I had all the symptoms.

I've always been a very practical person, so I tried my best to treat is as practically as I could. I kept working as much as I could, just trying to keep my mind off it it. I managed to keep my internship going, and I was even offered a full time job, though I didn't choose to take it. I was amazed they offered it to me since I was so out of it all the time.

I did as much research as I could, visited multiple therapists, etc. I started taking lots of vitamins to help jump start me to a better mindset, and they really helped. I'll include all that info below. I also started exercising more, which I have never done, and it helped, as well.

Therapy

I went to multiple therapists and psychiatrists, and while they may not have helped temporarily, I think they helped give me new perspectives in the long run. Some of them were terrible and didn't tell me anything to make me feel better. Many of them told me I could be like this forever, which is utterly stupid. I do not think they had any idea of my specific situation, and they were just giving me blanket remarks for people with mental illness. You will definitely get better if you try.

Why I Got DP/DR

I definitely think I got DP/DR because of smoking weed, but it was just the catalyst. The real issue is that I got the Nexplanon birth control implant put in my arm last year. As soon as I came back to my home town, I got it removed. Within 3 months of the removal, I got exponentially better. People with ovaries, if you have issues with mental illness, try stopping birth control.

Vitamins

I read everything I could on which vitamins to take to help alleviate symptoms to get me on the road to recovery. I still take these vitamins to this day, and I can tell a noticeable difference when I don't take them, so I highly recommend starting them now. Make the investment.

  1. Nordic Naturals Ultimate Omega 1280 mg Omega-3
    ** Try to get something with LOTS of EPA and DHA
    I started with 2 a day, and I now take 1 a day
  2. Nature's Bounty 100 mg 5-HTP
    I started with 2 a day, and I now take 1 a day
  3. Nature's Bounty 5000 IU D3
  4. Country Life Coenzyme B-Complex Caps
    I started with 2 a day, and I now take 1 a day
  5. Natural Calm Magnesium Supplement- 2 tsp a day
    Make sure you work up to the 2 tsp a day because it can make you go #2

How I Feel Now

I was always so worried when I read recovery stories on here about people recovering 80% or whatever. I didn't want any part of this terrible affliction, and it made me vomit to think that I might only get partially recovered. I am 99.9999999% recovered in 10 months. No doubt. The only reason I leave that 0.00000001% is because I can remember the story well enough to write this. Mind you, I'm not saying I remember the feelings because I really don't. It honestly feels like a big ole bad dream at this point. As you get better, you realize just how crazy your thoughts were the whole time. You may be saying something that feels completely 100% logical in your head, but it isn't, and it just takes time to realize that. The reason no one ever posts when they are completely over DP/DR is because they just forgot about it. It is just no longer worth their time anymore.

My Biggest Issue

My biggest issue throughout recovery was my constantly thinking "am I better now?" or "is this it?? Is this normal?" Trust me, when you are back to normal, you will know with no doubt, so just wait it out.

My Advice to You

1) Try to give it as little of your time as possible. I know it sounds completely impossible, but start getting into projects. Getting back into college, for me, was a huge help.

2) Try to come up with a list of things you can do to better your health. Drink more water, exercise, eat better.

3) Cut out caffeine COMPLETELY.

4) Take the vitamins I listed every day.

5) Remind yourself that this isn't you. Just like your body can get a cold, your mind can get DP/DR.

6) Take your time to get better and enjoy life.

I will try my best to respond to comments and stuff, so feel free to ask me questions. I remember reading some posts like this one that just made me cry my eyes out because it gave me so much hope. Hang onto that hope!!
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR POST.

YEAH ABSOLUTELY, CUT CAFFEINE AND NICOTINE FOR ME, IT´S A KEY FOR RECOVERY, AS THIS CONDITION IS ANXIETY BASED, EVERYTHING THAT TRIGGERS YOUR ANXIETY MUST GO!!!
 
1 - 14 of 14 Posts
Top