Depersonalization Support Forum banner
1 - 6 of 6 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
112 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Four years ago the belief of being dead occured and I could barely disbelieve it following by days where I really believed I was like moving on "incomplete" and the more time passed I felt like "I lost myself completely" or I slipped "out of time" after I died.

It was the most painful experience ever. Nights were spent not knowing who I am. If im an incomplete being moving on and all I could do was just ride it out. The letting go of that belief was even more painful. As if I let go of a part of me. I Just couldnt the hell disbelieve it.

Days and years followed seeking reassurance. It was just temporarily stilled. Because no one could really tell me if this is just all in my head or not. Nor could I. Because I thought, if its all in my head, its still kind of "after being dead" and this is an afterlife.

Im still here tho. I graduated even. Have had several music projects going on.

Still, there is this part of me that questions on and off who it is thats still alive causing me to have huge identity issues and panic attacks.

Ive never been to a psychiatrist. Because ive been so afraid of meds and being labelled.

Currently Ive had like a backlash of this belief and it caused me to feel kind of...shitty. Its very traumatizing. Because you thought you kinda died 4 years ago and part of you still believes it and then youre still alive anyways. I think what was backfiring this being dead belief was. That i always thought Well you cant meditate it away because you died and you kinda meditate "in the afterlife". How can someone Stop believing that he died if he believes he cant disbelieve it in the afterlife.

OCD fucks your brain. And i must undergo a brain scan asap.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
239 Posts
Four years ago the belief of being dead occured and I could barely disbelieve it following by days where I really believed I was like moving on "incomplete" and the more time passed I felt like "I lost myself completely" or I slipped "out of time" after I died.

It was the most painful experience ever. Nights were spent not knowing who I am. If im an incomplete being moving on and all I could do was just ride it out. The letting go of that belief was even more painful. As if I let go of a part of me. I Just couldnt the hell disbelieve it.

Days and years followed seeking reassurance. It was just temporarily stilled. Because no one could really tell me if this is just all in my head or not. Nor could I. Because I thought, if its all in my head, its still kind of "after being dead" and this is an afterlife.

Im still here tho. I graduated even. Have had several music projects going on.

Still, there is this part of me that questions on and off who it is thats still alive causing me to have huge identity issues and panic attacks.

Ive never been to a psychiatrist. Because ive been so afraid of meds and being labelled.

Currently Ive had like a backlash of this belief and it caused me to feel kind of...shitty. Its very traumatizing. Because you thought you kinda died 4 years ago and part of you still believes it and then youre still alive anyways. I think what was backfiring this being dead belief was. That i always thought Well you cant meditate it away because you died and you kinda meditate "in the afterlife". How can someone Stop believing that he died if he believes he cant disbelieve it in the afterlife.

OCD fucks your brain. And i must undergo a brain scan asap.
your last sentence literally proves your ocd. there is nothing wrong with your brain. ocd is merely psychological.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
112 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Bro i cant literally disbelieve that i didnt potentially die. I just do everything to disprove it with weird beliefs.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
79 Posts
Four years ago the belief of being dead occured and I could barely disbelieve it following by days where I really believed I was like moving on "incomplete" and the more time passed I felt like "I lost myself completely" or I slipped "out of time" after I died.

It was the most painful experience ever. Nights were spent not knowing who I am. If im an incomplete being moving on and all I could do was just ride it out. The letting go of that belief was even more painful. As if I let go of a part of me. I Just couldnt the hell disbelieve it.

Days and years followed seeking reassurance. It was just temporarily stilled. Because no one could really tell me if this is just all in my head or not. Nor could I. Because I thought, if its all in my head, its still kind of "after being dead" and this is an afterlife.

Im still here tho. I graduated even. Have had several music projects going on.

Still, there is this part of me that questions on and off who it is thats still alive causing me to have huge identity issues and panic attacks.

Ive never been to a psychiatrist. Because ive been so afraid of meds and being labelled.

Currently Ive had like a backlash of this belief and it caused me to feel kind of...shitty. Its very traumatizing. Because you thought you kinda died 4 years ago and part of you still believes it and then youre still alive anyways. I think what was backfiring this being dead belief was. That i always thought Well you cant meditate it away because you died and you kinda meditate "in the afterlife". How can someone Stop believing that he died if he believes he cant disbelieve it in the afterlife.

OCD fucks your brain. And i must undergo a brain scan asap.
Not sure I can help but I am curious about this. Do you feel like the people you see around you are alive, or do you think they are only caracters that live in your head, like in solipsism?

Also, I know it depends on people, but personally I am not afraid of any labels nor taking meds. Taking meds isn't irreversible. You can always stop them (following your psychiatrist guidance) and go back to your original state if you are not satisfied with side-effects, or you can try another one (which is usually the best option, because different meds can have very different effects and you sometimes have to make different tries to find the good one). Anyway, it's just experiments. People are sometimes afraid of getting addicted, but in the psychological sense that doesn't occur in my opinion. Or for extremely rare cases. You need to stop taking them gradually but that doesn't mean you will feel any craving and will have to resist taking them with a lot of willpower. It's just like someone who is diving and has to come back to the surface. They have to do it gradually to avoid depressurization accidents. But that doesn't mean they are addicted to being deep underwater. There is not psychological addiction to these meds, in my opinion (and experience), it is just that your body gets used to its new chemistry and you cannot subject your body to abrupt changes.
And I wouldn't be afraid of labels. We fear them because they are about something that happens in our head, and feels like it is closer to our true identity than our body. But when someone diagnoses us with bronchitis, we don't fear being labelled. Anyway, that psychological "label" doesn't necessarily stay for life. Sometimes you get a diagnosis and then later on the doctors realize they were wrong and that another diagnosis is more probable. Nothing is fixed, it's just words that best help describe what you are going through. And even if two people have the same diagnosis, their life and symptoms can be very different. A diagnosis doesn't put you in a box, but it can help finding the best therapy or best medication if you wish to try it.
 
1 - 6 of 6 Posts
Top