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5 Posts
Hi everyone! I am really happy to say that I'm basically fully recovered.
I will spare everyone the long story we've all heard about what it's like to suffer from DPDR. I started experiencing DP/DR at a very, very chaotic time in my life. I was just about to move states away from my family and everything I'd ever known, I had a family member hospitalized suddenly which got me obsessively nihilistic and traumatized, and then I moved to college where the terror of DPDR set in and stayed with me for months. It was like living in a nightmare, all day, every day. I couldn't see a brighter future. I couldn't see a future at all. I could no longer understand life, the meaning of anything, or my own existence.
How I recovered? Well, I think first and foremost I had to realize that I will NOT ever be the same person that I was before. You are simply not the same after a traumatic experience - and that is just a fact of life and the human mind. I had to accept that. And be okay with it. I had to be okay with this uncomfortable sensation and trauma state being my new reality for a little while. I had to reintegrate myself into life and take steps to living a normal life.
Now, I don't even want to credit myself and my personal choices too much in my recovery. If anything, it was moving back home from college due to Covid that really, really helped me get solid footing again and have some time to rest.
However, what helped was I stopped obsessing over the condition. I told myself I would not read these forums, and I stuck to that promise. I worked on school, reading, spending time with family and friends, watching TV and movies, exercising, shopping, day dreaming and thinking about OTHER things, etc. Just basically all the stuff I used to do in my normal life. And this helped tremendously! It has made me feel almost 100% back to normal, and like a functional, normal member of the world once again.
While I try to stay away from scary existential thoughts, I will say I'm still very into philosophy and pondering the miracle that is life. Reframing the existential questions into a sense of wonder, really helped me. Understanding that many people throughout history have struggled with the same fears, anxieties, and questions. Understanding I was no different than others, as we all are experiencing this thing called life together.
Above all, I have started really trying to love and accept myself for who I am. Don't be so harsh with yourself. You're no weirder than any other human. You're no less of a success or a good person because of this weird trauma mechanism that set in, that you had no control over! It's the human condition. Start to love it. Start to observe it, and not judge yourself! I've realized I'm still worthy of love, relationships and friendships even amidst feelings of DPDR. I'm still my best qualities I was before.
This whole experience taught me that it's OKAY to question what society has taught you, and the unrealistic expectations. I don't have to be happy 24/7 at the college of my dreams. In fact, it's totally okay that I went to that college and had a horrible experience. I don't have to "impress" anyone. No one cares anyway. Do what makes you feel good and happy inside! You are just a human being trying your best! And that's enough. There's no right or wrong way to be a human being. We live and learn. And life never goes to plan - and that's okay! Just keep rolling, and go with the flow.
As for other logistics, reflecting on my past trauma helped me understand a lot why this condition happened to me in the first place, so I recommend working to understand your unique psychology, personality, and situation, because your journey is different than mine, as if everyone's. I didn't take any medication, because frankly I've been scared to. I have been taking multivitamins, fish oil, 5 HTP, and magnesium and I think they have helped my overall health for sure. I also go on a lot of walks and runs outdoors which has helped me really reconnect with the world.
So, everyone, I just want you to know that you are strong and capable and worthy of love! You CAN recover! You CAN live a happy and fun life! Mind you, I still have a lot of other problems I need to address, but constant dissociation is not one of them anymore. Just please, please try to focus on literally anything else, even if it's super uncomfortable at first - trust your brain and the process, everything will eventually feel more natural. Read a book for fun, watch a new TV show, swipe on Tinder, FaceTime a family member, clean your bathroom, watch something funny on YouTube, do some yoga - just anything to get your mind off DPDR for a good few weeks. Then you can spend more time reflecting and doing other work. But just take that first step in taking some good time off of this site and working on something else. It's worth it, trust me.
ALL IN ALL, yes, DPDR was definitely a traumatic experience for me, but I am successfully moving on each and every day. I feel stronger by the week. I now enjoy my time I spend with family and friends (yes, socially distanced). I don't obsess over this condition anymore. I try to leave it in the past where it belongs. I accept the fact that it happened to me. I accept the face that I must grow from this and live my life regardless. I still suffer from some lingering depression, but honestly it's not that bad compared to the DPDR I suffered from before, and I know I can overcome it by putting in the effort.
I am praying for you all! Ask me absolutely anything. Sending all my love.
Katie
I will spare everyone the long story we've all heard about what it's like to suffer from DPDR. I started experiencing DP/DR at a very, very chaotic time in my life. I was just about to move states away from my family and everything I'd ever known, I had a family member hospitalized suddenly which got me obsessively nihilistic and traumatized, and then I moved to college where the terror of DPDR set in and stayed with me for months. It was like living in a nightmare, all day, every day. I couldn't see a brighter future. I couldn't see a future at all. I could no longer understand life, the meaning of anything, or my own existence.
How I recovered? Well, I think first and foremost I had to realize that I will NOT ever be the same person that I was before. You are simply not the same after a traumatic experience - and that is just a fact of life and the human mind. I had to accept that. And be okay with it. I had to be okay with this uncomfortable sensation and trauma state being my new reality for a little while. I had to reintegrate myself into life and take steps to living a normal life.
Now, I don't even want to credit myself and my personal choices too much in my recovery. If anything, it was moving back home from college due to Covid that really, really helped me get solid footing again and have some time to rest.
However, what helped was I stopped obsessing over the condition. I told myself I would not read these forums, and I stuck to that promise. I worked on school, reading, spending time with family and friends, watching TV and movies, exercising, shopping, day dreaming and thinking about OTHER things, etc. Just basically all the stuff I used to do in my normal life. And this helped tremendously! It has made me feel almost 100% back to normal, and like a functional, normal member of the world once again.
While I try to stay away from scary existential thoughts, I will say I'm still very into philosophy and pondering the miracle that is life. Reframing the existential questions into a sense of wonder, really helped me. Understanding that many people throughout history have struggled with the same fears, anxieties, and questions. Understanding I was no different than others, as we all are experiencing this thing called life together.
Above all, I have started really trying to love and accept myself for who I am. Don't be so harsh with yourself. You're no weirder than any other human. You're no less of a success or a good person because of this weird trauma mechanism that set in, that you had no control over! It's the human condition. Start to love it. Start to observe it, and not judge yourself! I've realized I'm still worthy of love, relationships and friendships even amidst feelings of DPDR. I'm still my best qualities I was before.
This whole experience taught me that it's OKAY to question what society has taught you, and the unrealistic expectations. I don't have to be happy 24/7 at the college of my dreams. In fact, it's totally okay that I went to that college and had a horrible experience. I don't have to "impress" anyone. No one cares anyway. Do what makes you feel good and happy inside! You are just a human being trying your best! And that's enough. There's no right or wrong way to be a human being. We live and learn. And life never goes to plan - and that's okay! Just keep rolling, and go with the flow.
As for other logistics, reflecting on my past trauma helped me understand a lot why this condition happened to me in the first place, so I recommend working to understand your unique psychology, personality, and situation, because your journey is different than mine, as if everyone's. I didn't take any medication, because frankly I've been scared to. I have been taking multivitamins, fish oil, 5 HTP, and magnesium and I think they have helped my overall health for sure. I also go on a lot of walks and runs outdoors which has helped me really reconnect with the world.
So, everyone, I just want you to know that you are strong and capable and worthy of love! You CAN recover! You CAN live a happy and fun life! Mind you, I still have a lot of other problems I need to address, but constant dissociation is not one of them anymore. Just please, please try to focus on literally anything else, even if it's super uncomfortable at first - trust your brain and the process, everything will eventually feel more natural. Read a book for fun, watch a new TV show, swipe on Tinder, FaceTime a family member, clean your bathroom, watch something funny on YouTube, do some yoga - just anything to get your mind off DPDR for a good few weeks. Then you can spend more time reflecting and doing other work. But just take that first step in taking some good time off of this site and working on something else. It's worth it, trust me.
ALL IN ALL, yes, DPDR was definitely a traumatic experience for me, but I am successfully moving on each and every day. I feel stronger by the week. I now enjoy my time I spend with family and friends (yes, socially distanced). I don't obsess over this condition anymore. I try to leave it in the past where it belongs. I accept the fact that it happened to me. I accept the face that I must grow from this and live my life regardless. I still suffer from some lingering depression, but honestly it's not that bad compared to the DPDR I suffered from before, and I know I can overcome it by putting in the effort.
I am praying for you all! Ask me absolutely anything. Sending all my love.
Katie
