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Hey guys, its been a hell of a year for me and I really need someone to talk to because I dont know how to speak about this. It all started in May 2016 when I got an incredibly stupid idea of "What if all the people in my life were imaginary and I just didnt know it", I was a very curious kid and I just got that idea in my mind so I began doubting if every person I talk to is real or not and after a month or so of that doubting I snapped and thats where all this started. I honestly didnt knew what it was and I still dont know if this is depersonalization or something much more dreadful. I researched it online and it felt like depersonalization so I thought it was that. To describe it, I had no connection to my body, it felt like my body wasnt mine, I couldnt hear people or sometimes myself when I was talking, the view was blury sometimes, I had this feeling inside my head and it was like I was trapped inside my head, no emotions, no experience with the world, just me living life inside my head.My teeth shook almost every time all day and my body would shake like Im cold but its actually hot outside. It felt like I couldnt get out of my head or my body, I still dont know if this was depersonalization because its super weird. Not to drag on but I gotten back to normal yesterday, but I feel worse. I gotten back to normal like I was a year before but I feel like the last year didnt happen. I feel like that yesterday was May 2016 and that its just my life continuing from that point on. All the thing I have done in that one year span, all the people I ve met and thing I learned about are gone. I can switch back to that DPish feeling if I want to, like I am doing now. If you were to ask me who was president of the US when I was feeling normal I would say Obama for example. Its like I ve been in a coma for the whole year and woke up now not knowing anything. I tried going back to the DPish feeling writting a list of what I ve been doing for that year and my relationships with people throughout that year. And then going back to my normal self reading that and convicing my body that thats what happened. I did the same by looking at pictures on my phone, its still weird. I thought of a silly idea to fake amnesia if this doesnt go away cause it would be easier to explain. Im just a kid still, this is way too much for me to go through alone. I simply dont know what to do, Im really scared that. I cant just continue with my life as if nothing happened for the entire year. Im at a really bad place right now and I cant tell anyone but you guys.
That would be all,I guess. If you any helpful suggestion it would be really well appreciated. My therapist said that I should go back the memories in my head and live them through like I was experienced them now. It didnt work at all.
P.S. I have an interesting thought. Because I perceived the world in a normal way all my life, then going semi insanse and back to normal screwed me up. Because at that DP period I prrceived the world in a different way then I am now and thats why my memories from that period dont feel real. I never really reacted to anything on the spot, I was always lost in my thoughts so Im guessing that thats the reason why I am like this and why I dont believe my memories. I thought about killing myself like a few timed during DP cause I thought that nothing would change really. FUCK MY BRAIN
That would be all,I guess. If you any helpful suggestion it would be really well appreciated. My therapist said that I should go back the memories in my head and live them through like I was experienced them now. It didnt work at all.
P.S. I have an interesting thought. Because I perceived the world in a normal way all my life, then going semi insanse and back to normal screwed me up. Because at that DP period I prrceived the world in a different way then I am now and thats why my memories from that period dont feel real. I never really reacted to anything on the spot, I was always lost in my thoughts so Im guessing that thats the reason why I am like this and why I dont believe my memories. I thought about killing myself like a few timed during DP cause I thought that nothing would change really. FUCK MY BRAIN
