A few weeks ago life as I understood it was pretty normal. I took a nap one day and had a dream which when I woke up had me obsessively wondering what my “real” sexual orientation was. I absolutely couldn’t shake what had happened in that dream and considering I had just gotten married to the girl of my dreams, this shook me at my core.
I obsessed and obsessed for days and lost a few nights of rest while analyzing everything in my life to see if I was attracted to men.
One night I laid in bed and my mind had the thought, “why don’t we obsess about the fact that you obsess” and holllllyyy cow that opened a whole new door. I found myself panicking and freaking out on a whole new level. I felt broken like I had gotten into this nasty think cycle and couldn’t break out of it. It consumed me and led to non stop panic attacks. I felt genuine fear and anxiety like I had never felt before. For a few days my mind was stuck in this cycle of obsessing about obsessing and my arms and legs we’re constantly cold and numb, brain felt like scrambled eggs, tight chest and the feeling that I was going to die, and even that the only thing that could relieve me from this feeling was death.
Anyways in a moment of deep panic I decided to go to the doctor and was prescribed trazadone to help me sleep, as I hadn’t gotten any rest in 42 hours. It helped a bit, stopped the panic attacks and provided me the ability to sleep for a few days.
Even while taking the trazodone I still had obsessive ruminative thoughts, but my body wouldn’t feel the panic. I slowly started to question everything and wonder about everything.
Currently I feel like life is so odd and everything lacks meaning. I find it so incredibly difficult to put significance to anything and everything I experience daily.
Nothing makes sense in life and I’m confused about it all!
What bothers me most of all is the concept and idea of being human as it feels so odd and I can’t grasp the idea of being human. Having thoughts, feelings, emotions etc is something I’m trying to grasp that I don’t really comprehend.
Having eyes, ears, a mouth and the way I think and talk and interact with others is so odd to me. When I observe other people I wonder if they are experiencing the same things I am and if it just doesn’t faze them?
I find it hard to put meaning to anything especially other people and relatives. Like I know who they are but something just feels off and I find the idea of mother, father, sibling so difficult to understand like I can’t connect to them.
Another annoying feeling is that I’m very aware of being human(seeing, hearing, talking, my mouth, my limbs etc.) All these things just make me even more confused and panicked like how is this normal and how am I supposed to be ok with all this. The human experience is just so frightening. Interactions with my wife or friends feels odd almost like I’m only my brain, and I yearn for a feeling of connection but I feel stuck. Being able to speak my thoughts out loud feels odd, like how do i do it.
When I think back to a few weeks ago when I was “normal” I feel like nothing has changed but I’m just so aware now and I feel like I will always think and feel these things and find them all so odd, so how can I ever be “normal” again.
Overall, simply being is just very uncomfortable and I feel extremely disconnected from myself. Like I don’t have an identity, and all the things I use to enjoy no longer have any meaning. I look at my clothes/car/belongings and I can’t connect to them, they seem odd and lack significance. I look in the mirror and know I’m human, but I don’t feel like I can connect to that idea either. My faith, my morals, my entire existence just feels so strange and alien and I can’t comprehend it.
This is especially difficult considering my career. I’m currently in flight school for the Navy and recently got selected to fly jets.
My job is incredibly stressful and I was put on pause to figure out what’s going on.
The idea of working and doing all these menial tasks is so strange to me, and I can’t concentrate/understand any of the material. I don’t want to lose my dream job and I don’t know how to get help.
Does anyone else feel this way? Is this dp/dr and dissociation or something entirely different? I’d also like to add that I had dp/dr about 7 years ago and I find some similarities in what I have now, but I don’t feel like I’m in a dream or I’m not real. I know I’m real and things seem real but they just feel so distant and unfamiliar.
I obsessed and obsessed for days and lost a few nights of rest while analyzing everything in my life to see if I was attracted to men.
One night I laid in bed and my mind had the thought, “why don’t we obsess about the fact that you obsess” and holllllyyy cow that opened a whole new door. I found myself panicking and freaking out on a whole new level. I felt broken like I had gotten into this nasty think cycle and couldn’t break out of it. It consumed me and led to non stop panic attacks. I felt genuine fear and anxiety like I had never felt before. For a few days my mind was stuck in this cycle of obsessing about obsessing and my arms and legs we’re constantly cold and numb, brain felt like scrambled eggs, tight chest and the feeling that I was going to die, and even that the only thing that could relieve me from this feeling was death.
Anyways in a moment of deep panic I decided to go to the doctor and was prescribed trazadone to help me sleep, as I hadn’t gotten any rest in 42 hours. It helped a bit, stopped the panic attacks and provided me the ability to sleep for a few days.
Even while taking the trazodone I still had obsessive ruminative thoughts, but my body wouldn’t feel the panic. I slowly started to question everything and wonder about everything.
Currently I feel like life is so odd and everything lacks meaning. I find it so incredibly difficult to put significance to anything and everything I experience daily.
Nothing makes sense in life and I’m confused about it all!
What bothers me most of all is the concept and idea of being human as it feels so odd and I can’t grasp the idea of being human. Having thoughts, feelings, emotions etc is something I’m trying to grasp that I don’t really comprehend.
Having eyes, ears, a mouth and the way I think and talk and interact with others is so odd to me. When I observe other people I wonder if they are experiencing the same things I am and if it just doesn’t faze them?
I find it hard to put meaning to anything especially other people and relatives. Like I know who they are but something just feels off and I find the idea of mother, father, sibling so difficult to understand like I can’t connect to them.
Another annoying feeling is that I’m very aware of being human(seeing, hearing, talking, my mouth, my limbs etc.) All these things just make me even more confused and panicked like how is this normal and how am I supposed to be ok with all this. The human experience is just so frightening. Interactions with my wife or friends feels odd almost like I’m only my brain, and I yearn for a feeling of connection but I feel stuck. Being able to speak my thoughts out loud feels odd, like how do i do it.
When I think back to a few weeks ago when I was “normal” I feel like nothing has changed but I’m just so aware now and I feel like I will always think and feel these things and find them all so odd, so how can I ever be “normal” again.
Overall, simply being is just very uncomfortable and I feel extremely disconnected from myself. Like I don’t have an identity, and all the things I use to enjoy no longer have any meaning. I look at my clothes/car/belongings and I can’t connect to them, they seem odd and lack significance. I look in the mirror and know I’m human, but I don’t feel like I can connect to that idea either. My faith, my morals, my entire existence just feels so strange and alien and I can’t comprehend it.
This is especially difficult considering my career. I’m currently in flight school for the Navy and recently got selected to fly jets.
My job is incredibly stressful and I was put on pause to figure out what’s going on.
The idea of working and doing all these menial tasks is so strange to me, and I can’t concentrate/understand any of the material. I don’t want to lose my dream job and I don’t know how to get help.
Does anyone else feel this way? Is this dp/dr and dissociation or something entirely different? I’d also like to add that I had dp/dr about 7 years ago and I find some similarities in what I have now, but I don’t feel like I’m in a dream or I’m not real. I know I’m real and things seem real but they just feel so distant and unfamiliar.
