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I remember clearly when I used to fight with my mother she would say 'you wouldn't treat ANYONE else in your life like this, you're SO nice to everyone else!'.

I had a fight with my girlfriend yesterday which was pretty heavy, and she said the EXACT same thing to me, verbatim.

It's funny, I've never considered myself to be an asshole or an abuser, but I have been made to feel like that in the close relationships I form. All my friends would say I'm the nicest most peaceful guy around. But it begs the question, am I in fact an abuser?

I find it difficult these days to determine whether I'm in the right or the wrong you know. Whether my actions are indeed justified or if they need to be changed. If I get into a REALLY heated argument with my GF, I shut down. I don't want to say anything, I don't want to be the one to break the ice, I go mute. Before DP if we fought I'd just leave the room, I'd never yell or scream, just be passive and if it got too much I'd walk away and hide behind a cigarette.

Has anyone else run into issues with regulating what they actually stand for, and if they are confused about whether to stand their ground or admit they were wrong, even if you feel you weren't? I dunno, it's hard to describe...maybe I'm just over analysing.

I should say whilst having this fight, I made such a conscious effort to not retreat into my head, a line Fearless posted popped into my head 'any focusing inwards or thinking about mental illness, anxiety, DP or whatever is dissociation and not facing your fears'.
 

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I'm going to assume this derives partly from how we build the view of ourselves and how to approach scenarios not on our feelings but from a subjective standpoint.
Yeah totally man. My life has been built around rationality and not emotions, for sure. Accept now my rationality has turned against me haha.

I DEFINITELY shut down in conflict for sure, go mute unless forced to speak, then I'll come in with some statement to smooth it all over. I would always just agree or try to end the conflict as soon as possible because I wanted to get back to what I was doing and not deal with anything.

I've also found myself becoming agitated at people, not at them verbally, but just mentally. When they are saying something I don't agree with or what not, I feel an urge to set them straight, which I never did so much before.

I definitely don't feel like a man living an adult life.
 
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