[Guest]

I can't take the anxiety/DP/DR thing anymore. I am literally reaching the end of my road.

Over the past 3 months, I've had it all. The first 2 were just visual distortions, dizinness etc. but the last month has been pure hell due to my own thoughts. I had thoughts that this is all unreal, that I made everything up around me, that maybe people are after me... and now I hear my own thoughts running through my head and I'm having arguments with myself about what to think or not think... like literally, I'm talking to myself in my own head...crazy huh?

I'm almost scared to write this but I'm actually having thoughts such as "just kill yourself" pop up in my mind. Granted, I looked up schizophrenia and told myself "don't hallucinate, don't think people are after you and don't hear voices"... but something is not right with me at the moment. Maybe it's a split personality disorder?

I'm getting so depressed that I have absolutely no energy to fight this thing anymore. I just want it to go away. Please someone help.

 

[Guest]

Dear Obsessive Person,
YOu are making obsessing into an ART FORM!

you are not suicidal. I can hear the way you're thinking right now. You had the offhanded thought "just kill yourself" and then you freaked out because now you think you're possessed by something or some multiple alter personality (oh, good GOD)....that is going to make you kill yourself when you really don't want to.

you are not being "Taken Over" by anything except your own fears.

During my own illness I was convinced at one point that I had a unique form of Multiple Personality Disorder - I thought I KNEW about the other "personalities' but couldn't "Stop" them from harming me (or from harming US, I guess, lol)

I also thought at one point that I was possessed by evil. Literally. Freaked out worrying that there was some demon inside me (I was also ill when THe Exorcist first came out,...this did not help matters at all, grin)

The CRAP we can think up is limitless. We are our own horror movie, and each frame (thought) is more terrifying than the next.

It is nothing but anxiety and deep obsessiveness.

I give your "movie" an X rating. You are way too young to see it!!!

Love ya,
J

 

[Guest]

Oh my God, you just described EXACTLY how I feel!!! I'm scared that "something" will cause me to inflict harm on myself or someone else... or that I in fact have multiple personalities etc.

Why is it so hard to let go of our obsessive thoughts and turn more outward? I guess I have to tell myself that I accept EVERYTHING no matter how bizarre.... and to accept the fact that it takes time to reverse our patterns of thinking....

Thanks again Janine.
You're a savior.

Love ya,

 

[dreamcatcher]

tidal i had those thoughts,still do ocsually but they are just thoughts....they will not kill you...and i too always feel like there is something major up when i argue with myself...i feel like i am trying to shout the bad thoughts down.....telling them that i am not listening,but it freaks me out.....really scarey when your telling yourself u dont want to die,while at the same time telling yourself u cant live with it any more....it will pass,and janine i think your post is great-really helpful, its nice to know that there is recovery when you feel this low

 

[Guest]

Thanks dreamcatcher,

It seems like each time I get rid of one kind of obsessive thoughts, new ones show up. It's such a hard battle to fight but I guess I should look at my overall reaction to thoughts rather than individual thoughts.

Ahhh... I just hope this crap leaves me soon so I can get back to my normal life.