G
Guest
·Ok, I split my story in two parts, pre-DR / DR and post DR.
Pre-DR:
Father very restrictive, mother overly pushing.
Result: shyness, obsessions at about ten years of age, feelings of inferiority.
Hated school because I was way too creative and active(sports) to sit still. Also all my teachers were very restrictive and limiting, not to say abusing.
I always had very good marks though.
School soon became hell, only compensation was doing sports. I kind of invented myself again through doing extreme sports.
Began to hate everything.
Few friends because my classmates had other interests.
Then the very restrictive high school caused an eating disorder.
Tried to make the best out of the misery, pretended to belong to my classmates. Did not like them at all actually.
At the end of high school I had no friends at all anymore cause I wanted to forget everything. Quit all contacts.
Did some jobs, but was not motivated. Did drugs.
Finally, anxiety attack, hospitalised.
Very ignorant doctors, that is why in the hospital a chronic and very annoying pain ('psychosomatic) was created (out of a tension I had before)along with the loss of all feelings. While at the hospital and shortly thereafter I experienced DR for the first time. But only seldom, for example in a shopping mall with too many people.
Overcame these first bouts of DR.
Then tried other treatments, not because of my problems that brought me into the hospital, but only because of the pain that had been created there. Result: Further ignorance and more distress. On top of it all Paxil made me cut myself.
Began to rage about everything.
Worked hard to forget the pain.
Felt very alone and misunderstood.
Quit all recreational drugs.
Went on to college but found out it is even more limiting and stupid than high school was.
Panic attacks started.
Took benzos.
DR and post DR:
Worked too much, too much stress made me abuse benzos. DR became a problem, not chronic though at this time.
Pain spread over the whole body, increasing pain made DR chronic.
Quit benzos.
Forced myself through college to get a diploma.
Anxiety stayed, unbearable pain levels with DR as well.
During the summer chronic DR, again loss of all college friends because of anxiety and pain and DR. Total isolation.
The pain was so strong that I feared of losing my consciousness at times.
Refused to get medical help though.
Chose my own antideps without professional help and they finally worked and are still working well.
These days I still have anxiety and obsessive thoughts sometimes, but hardly any DR.
I will recover.
Pre-DR:
Father very restrictive, mother overly pushing.
Result: shyness, obsessions at about ten years of age, feelings of inferiority.
Hated school because I was way too creative and active(sports) to sit still. Also all my teachers were very restrictive and limiting, not to say abusing.
I always had very good marks though.
School soon became hell, only compensation was doing sports. I kind of invented myself again through doing extreme sports.
Began to hate everything.
Few friends because my classmates had other interests.
Then the very restrictive high school caused an eating disorder.
Tried to make the best out of the misery, pretended to belong to my classmates. Did not like them at all actually.
At the end of high school I had no friends at all anymore cause I wanted to forget everything. Quit all contacts.
Did some jobs, but was not motivated. Did drugs.
Finally, anxiety attack, hospitalised.
Very ignorant doctors, that is why in the hospital a chronic and very annoying pain ('psychosomatic) was created (out of a tension I had before)along with the loss of all feelings. While at the hospital and shortly thereafter I experienced DR for the first time. But only seldom, for example in a shopping mall with too many people.
Overcame these first bouts of DR.
Then tried other treatments, not because of my problems that brought me into the hospital, but only because of the pain that had been created there. Result: Further ignorance and more distress. On top of it all Paxil made me cut myself.
Began to rage about everything.
Worked hard to forget the pain.
Felt very alone and misunderstood.
Quit all recreational drugs.
Went on to college but found out it is even more limiting and stupid than high school was.
Panic attacks started.
Took benzos.
DR and post DR:
Worked too much, too much stress made me abuse benzos. DR became a problem, not chronic though at this time.
Pain spread over the whole body, increasing pain made DR chronic.
Quit benzos.
Forced myself through college to get a diploma.
Anxiety stayed, unbearable pain levels with DR as well.
During the summer chronic DR, again loss of all college friends because of anxiety and pain and DR. Total isolation.
The pain was so strong that I feared of losing my consciousness at times.
Refused to get medical help though.
Chose my own antideps without professional help and they finally worked and are still working well.
These days I still have anxiety and obsessive thoughts sometimes, but hardly any DR.
I will recover.
