Hey everyone,
I had a strange but delightful experience today that I thought I would share. As I was talking with my psychologist, I was trying to explain to her what I was going through with my depersonalization. I kept telling her, "I just feel like I'm not really inside of me, like I'm looking at me."
And she said, "Like your soul is separate from your body?" I said yes, exactly. She looked right at me, and said, "Why does that scare you??"
I didnt have an answer. i said I didnt know. She said, most people DO believe that the soul is a separate entity. She said that our bodies are only capsules for our souls. Obviously this is not a new idea, philosophers and even anyone semi religious believes this...but today, I UNDERSTOOD it. And you know what happened??? It didn't SCARE me anymore. It made me Happy to know that I have a soul, I am real, and I could FEEL my soul. I understood why when a mother could be in a different state, and have her son die in a car accident, that mother would FEEL that something was off, that something bad happened. That is why when you meet an attractive person, and you find out they are cruel or heartless, they become completely unattractive to you. It is about the INSIDE of us all, not what is on the outside. Ive never realized this before and then do you know what happened for the rest of the day??? I felt COMPLETELY CONNECTED to people for the first time in a long time. I didnt have the nagging feeling that none of this is real, instead i KNEW it was real. Maybe this thing we all have is a gift, maybe it is our way of knowing that our souls are forever, and we can take solace in that, because we know that God forbid something happens to our bodies, our souls will still live, and still love. sorry if im getting way too philosophical. Im not saying that i want to leave this body, in fact, i think we should enjoy all the time we have in it. after all, it still feels great to eat a big meal, sleep in, go jetskiing, make love, or whatever you like to do. Im going to enjoy all i can, and i hope this helps some of you, I sure feel a lot better now that Im not scared of this anymore.
