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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
From the board before the crash, someone had made a post about how he was ashamed to go to a community college when he had told his friends he was going to a prestigious school. He felt that the DP was putting him behind in life.

Janine replied with something like:
But what you will have above those OTHER people is that once you recover, you will waste no time doing what you want to do. Those other people will still be dealing with little problems; these problems will be nothing to you. If you want to become a musician, you will waste no time pursuing it. Because once you've seen the bottom of the abyss, you won't be afraid to do much in the real world. You won't be crippled by fear of rejection, etc.

I was thinking about this today, and about middle class "punk" kids (and poor ones who were probably middle class at one time) and other assorted types, wondering and wondering why I could never BE like them. Why couldn't *I* just drink all the time and party and not care? Why couldn't *I* give less of a s***? And then I realized...I had SEEN the bottom, they have not. I KNOW what happens when you go too far and when you try to run away from life. They do not. I CANT be like them because I've already BEEN further down the spiral than they EVER will. They don't have it so bad. They create their own badness and feel bad but it's all nothing, compared to us. Therefore, they will stay there. They will waste their chances on getting higher education and they will have too many children and a bad spouse and a lot of divorces and a POS car for the rest of their lives. I will not. I DONT want/need to be like that.

I can be more laid back, and I defnintely have been. I don't write everything down on a friggin schedule anymore (well I do have a supercute hot pink vinyl planner so it's hard to resist the temptation), lately I have been just taking things as they go, knowing I will do it and knowing I won't forget and trusting that everything will get done and knowing that worrying about it at ALL is just spinning my wheels.

BUT...I don't have to be like the "gutter punks" of the world, because they may not realize how much they DO care (or maybe they don't care at all, who knows)....all this time I was half-wishing I had it more like them, the lesser of the evils compared to my state, seeing as they had it easy and I was holding on to my very sanity.

It is BECAUSE I care the way I do that my life will always be better than that.

It is BECAUSE I have been in so much worse of a world than those whiny kids will ever even experience, that I will rise above it. It is BECAUSE I've been there, that I will be tougher than they can ever imagine being.

I AM the original punk.

"That it never comes again is what makes life so sweet" -Emily Dickinson.
 
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I like that alot, Person3. Very well said.

I remember doing Improv on stage here in New York (with a small company, sketch comedy, most of it improvised, interacting with the audience, etc. very scary stuff). A friend of a friend came to see our show and told the friend about me later: "I have never in my entire theatre-going life seen ANYone that genuinely confident in an improv situation. She was just powerful...she never flinched!..."

I felt like saying "yeah, well....so what if a routine falls flat and the audience doesn't laugh. It's easy to be calm and collected on a stage playing fun theater games when you've been to hell and back."
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Yes, because we know what it is to genuinely get past ourselves. Little neuroticisms are fake to us, they are not something real and true. We know they are lies. Those other people do not. They accept limitations as truth. I almost don't want to say "those other people" because that's judgemental and all..but yeah.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I didn't quite express that right...to get past oneself...to know that everything you think about you is something YOU generated and subjective...
 
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