[falling_free]

Gey ready for a rant, I don't need any input necccerserilly I just got to get this out

lI am sick and tired of not living in the moment of moving without hesitation , with not having any will, with feeling like im dead, and no really I feel like im dead, maybe I am dead and this is all some crazy dream Im having. I feel like a zombie and I have no emotions or feelings, I just feel like a stream of data of 0 and 1's going thorugh space. everywhere I go I am simply afraid of exisiting and my mind twists and turns twists my every word to make my every living moment a rollercoaster ride , but a rollercoaster ride I have no control over,

Fuck man I just want to feel life the same way normal people do, they just flow with the stream and don't get caught up in a big deluded cesspool of self anylazation and mental bullshit, why can't I be one of those lucky people, Sometimes I feel myself getting beyond the stage of negatity and self hatred but I keep on coming back and going round liek a vicious cycle.

Bahhh sometimes I want to end it all, or just end this torturous exsistence, I AM 19 YEARS OLD , I should be in my prime, instead I feel like a paralzyed vampire whose exsistence is slipping away slowly.

Fuck what a vert, but its 10 to 3 in the morning , I had a shot of whiskey bout an hour ago and the depressive aspcet be kicking in. woop de doo.

I also feel no conncetion to any of the words i just wrote, or indeed any of the people on this site or anyway in the world. what a cold blooded, disconneced fuck I am.

 

[falling_free]

all I want is a bit of peace in my life, in my head. Im tired of this constant chaotic horror when confronted with exsistence.

take a bird for example

a bird is just a bird it doesn't question why am I a bird
it doesn't ask for anything more from life other than I am bird I fly , i procreate and I get on with life

I want to be like a bird (bad anology perhaps) in the sense I just want to feel free to live life without constant anylazing.

fuck how cliche I want to be free as a bird, I couldnt be more cliche.

 

[ret]

sucks don't it, at least you can express yourself, I can't even do that.

 

[M A R S]

I want to be normal too, I cant take the obsessive fears that rule my mind. Questing every thing i do and have done. I even go so far as to wonder if i spoke to people.

It just out of hand AND I WANT IT TO STOP!