Depersonalization Support Forum banner
1 - 20 of 27 Posts
G

·
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi Guys
I have never really wrote about this before. In fact, I am quite embarrassed as I don't understand much about this part of my anxiety.

When my anxiety flares up, actually it could be for no reason even, I could be cleaning the toilet & the word "camping" pops into my head. Man, I have never been camping in my life & never want to. It seems as though my head becomes sort of jumbled & confused with random thoughts & words flying around (like my own dictionary opening up on different pages) & it has nothing to do with the present moment & what I am doing.

I can understand having ocd & having the random thought of hurting someone etc. But is this part of my obsession/anxiety problem? I think I know it is but I just want someone else to say "hey, I get that too!" then I would feel not so alone.

It is hard affliction to describe as to me it seems scary & irrational. I am almost scared to admit to it in case somebody points the finger & says hey you are bordering on psychosis. I mean how could words just pop out of no where. Ok, I realise I am becoming a bit obsessional about this - might be due to the lack of antidepressants in my brain at the moment!

Anyway, I only tend to worry about this when it happens too many days in a row. It does go away but, right now it is annoying & I want somebody to explain what is happening to me so I can sit back & deal with it.

So hit me with it, what is wrong with me guys? :oops:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
369 Posts
High anxiety can cause racing thoughts. Sometimes 2 disjoint memories or thoughts can come together as one and leave you thinking, "Where the hell did that come from?" To the person with DP, we think of this as a sign of illness. To the DP free person, it is dismissed as some random thought. Trust me, its nothing. You have nothing to worry about.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,079 Posts
Hey, I get that too! Except mine don't go away. So don't feel alone. Weird things pop in my head all the time, all at once, phrases sometimes. And I really should stop writing before I embarrass myself... but I want to make you feel better so... sometimes I'll be sitting there at work with all these thoughts and sometimes, well quite frequently actually instead of like "camping" popping up I'll have "just don't talk to me" pop up and.... " ugh, I just wannna kill somebody!" Pretty crazy, huh? And these phrases pop up like maybe a hundred times a day. And when they aren't there there's other ones. So don't worry at least you're not like me. (I also have evil ex boyfriends' names pop in my head :evil: )
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
86 Posts
I think I kinda get this also, but not necessarily with just words; it could be concepts or phrases or ideas. Especially when I'm thinking too hard or too much about things and being obsessive, my mind will dodge all over the place and tell me different things. But I've gotten used to it and it doesn't bother me. Besides, I love being weird.

-Grant with an "R"
 
G

·
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Peace Dove I do get that also thank you! I get stupid thoughts like "look at the puppy dog" it is almost like my brain has friend & is short circuiting.

Thanks guys, thanks a whole lot.

I'm not feeling too great at the moment. I feel a bit more anxious than usual, I have been thinking too much about how now I feel better what am I going to do with my life with regards to having kids, changing jobs, house etc.

i think I should just sit back & take it easy.

Thank you again, I feel better now.
 
G

·
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Also, don't make the simple complicated.

You posted earlier about watching a TV show where a psychotic killer had gone berzerk and was stabbing people in a hospital.

Well.

You're currently stopping a medication, and on some level, very afraid that stopping the med will make you lose control. There are all kinds of "scary" thoughts/impulses inside you (because you're HUMAN, not because you're a latent psychotic hospital killer, grin), and the more closely you tune into yourself (watching yourself closely again for signs of withdrawal, etc.) the more underlying anxiety you will create.

Anxiety and fear of losing control.

Scary tv image of a person who symbolizes what you're SECRETLY afraid of - losing control and going wild. And to make things even worse, it happened on your favorite soap opera....something terrifying and lethal happening "right in your own backyard..."

"camping" pops up unexpectedly because you are SO tuned into your every thought (to be sure you're not close to going bezerk) that you "hear" or "notice" every single mental connection your poor tired brain makes.

The human mind is constantly making all sorts of bizarre connections, but we don't notice it because we're not watching our every thought for any inconsistency. (inconsistency = sign of insanity!! Oh, NO! I'm losing control of my mind?!?")

"Camping?! What does CAMPING have to do with anything??! I'm going crazy! My mind is racing off by itself...I have no control over my own thoughts!...what is happening to me?!?...."

another peaceful night in the mind of obsessions.

Love ya,
J
 
G

·
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Hey Janine - Love you too!

Thank you for making sense of it all. I am so happy that you have so much time for us.

I have been going through alot of your posts & printing them out. You are right, I am holding on to the fear that without my drugs I'm gonna lose it, I'll never get better, I'll have to take them for life etc.....

You hit the nail on the head so much so that I feel like crying & smiling at the same time. I wish I could be as articulate & insightful as you.

Thanks a million :wink:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
413 Posts
i am getting this a lot too...

i think of something...but then forget what i was thinking but get a bad feeling about it...

it goes on all day long everday....

i get scared about the random thoughts and then obsess over them....i really try not to and try thinking of something else but it is so hard to do when they just keep coming...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
935 Posts
I can relate to both Charger and Shadow! As long as I can remember, I have had that thing where a word just pops into my head like 'alligator'. Not very often, and ironically, not when I'm anxious, so have never worried about it! Sometimes, if I hear a name or word that is unusual, I will go over it in my head during the day, not deliberately, just like my brain replays the word to me. Then, the next day, I can't remember the word! All this has been when I wasn't at all anxious or had any symptoms so I would say that is probably fairly common, if not, then at least, not a symptom of psychosis!
Also, Shadow, I have 'Analysis Paralysis' BIG TIME. I know when I'm in that mode of thinking too, and am learning to try my hardest not to get too wound up in it, as it can trigger my dp or just make me confused. Basically, it can be a really normal train of thought going through my head, like, what I am doing this evening, and then I will lose the train of thought, or a certain thought may feel odd. Whatever, everything just stops, comes to a halt then I try to remember or obsessively ruminate over the how, why and when of it. About 15 minutes later, I won't even remember what the thought was. At that point in time, I think I obsess because a) a way of feeling in control of my thoughts as I am too self aware, and trying to be prepared for every feeling, thought or sensation which just isnt possible and b) a small part of me thinks, ok, this has triggered a response so I should investigate it, it may give me clues as to why I get dp. I am torn between believing it is important and not important, thinking either this causes dp, or 'shut up - its the dp that makes you think like this!'. Whatever it is, I've realised that once that trigger is gone, I am not thinking straight and need to not do any investigating into myself until the defective mode has passed and I am back on track again. Meds has helped this I think.

I still write lists of evreything I have to do everyday as my thoughts are a million a minute and am trying to control them. Not ideal I know, as I am probably feeding them by trying to control them, like an addiction. I guess I believe if I dont write the lists I wont get anything done or remember what I have to do. Reality is, I dont get anything done because I spend all day writing bloody lists..... :lol:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
749 Posts
i get the words popping in to your mind for no reason.....then you sit and try work out why....its awful when nasty thoughts pop up and your arguing with your own mind that that is not what you think......my god i sound nuts :?
 
G

·
Discussion Starter · #11 ·
G-Funk:
Unfortunately, everything I said above does NOT apply if the word is "alligator"

I didn't realize things were quite this serious for you.

Do you have the money to consider a long term psychoanalysis in Vienna? I could make a referral.

Peace,
Janine

p.s. aside from just enjoying screwing with my buddy g-funk, I want this post to highlight something: EVERY single one of you are likely to think deep down that YOUR words, and YOUR intrusive thoughts and images are "more serious" or "closer to psychotic" than everyone else's you read about. That "I am So Special (worse, sicker, more hopeless, more complicated, etc.) is PART of the symptom.

May the alligator be with you all.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
935 Posts
What's so special about Vienna? If I have to be referred any where, can't it be Barbados or Tahiti? I need a tan just as much as psychoanalysis.

Can it also be somewhere with plenty of alligators so that I can investigate the true meaning of the word and its exact significance in my mental health? :lol:
 
G

·
Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Well thanks to Janine's insight I am feeling better today.

Unfortuanetly I can totally relate to everyone who replied. I hate being stuck in my head! I am in it at the moment. I am trying to get ready for work, do some ironing & well say hello to you my buddies!

You know what I hate. Waking up in themorning & feeling like everything is fresh & new & then remembering yesterday & it feeling so foreign & distant & your stomach sinks & you just feel confused. Yet when you aren't in this dp mode life is normal, yesterday feels normal, you look back at it with a smile & remember how good the little things made you feel. I am sick to death of work at the moment & just hang for the weekend so every day like drags till the weekend & the weekend goes so fast! I know this is normal. But I wish I could get my zest back for living.

Anyone have some sort of mantra or phrase that they use to remind them that normality is just around the corner?
 
G

·
Discussion Starter · #14 ·
G-FUNK: no, sorry, I think you need to be in Vienna (Freud's birthplace and still a spot for many top analysts). I think you need "serious" assistance. The beach will come later. Perhaps you can PRETEND you're on a beach, since reality doesn't seem to intrude into your little world very often. Sleep well...don't let the alligators bite.

CHARGER: Very happy to hear you're feeling a bit better today! Way to go!!
Now, you're still being sneaky though. That "looking back on yesterday" business (BOY, do I remember doing that!!) is another version of the same kind of obsessions.

Here's the problem: we feel better for a brief morning, and immediately glance back over our shoulder to vividly recall the horror of the night before. Stupid? Horribly masochistic? not that simple.

We do it because we are still not trusting ourselves not to go stark raving insane. That fear of "losing control" exists even when we feel GOOD. We almost think "well, I feel much much better today, but.....why do I feel so much better? What if this is just a short break before my REAL "break" ?? I need to remember the details of the horrible yesterday just to be SURE I can master them...esp. now that I'm feeling a bit better, I can look right in the face of last night's horror and maybe FACE it, or DEAL with it...to make sure this good feeling isn't just an evil tease, and that my running wild in terror isn't going to happen by afternoon!"

GAMES

MIND GAMES

You ARE in control. If you were NOT in control, you would have already killed somebody, lol.....or you would have jumped out a window, or both. As terrible as you have already felt, NOTHING happened. It will not happen.

do not let yourself keep looking over your shoulder everytime you feel a little better. If you do, you're telling your poor brain there is no point in bothering to feel better, because you're going to drag yourself right back in two minutes.

GOT IT?

GRIN

You can do this, Charger. I have complete faith in you.

Peace,
Janine
 
G

·
Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Janine i was seriously gonna send you an emergency Email or PM earlier today cuz of how i was feeling, but the feeling went away, but if it returns i may send one.............

just thought i should inform you lol

Peace
 
G

·
Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Janine you are a bloody legend!

After I wrote that email first thing this morning I told myself no more of this looking back it is ridiculous. I mean, I can't remember what I did 2 weeks ago so what does it matter going through yesterday. What I am doing is analsying the feelings, looking for differences etc. Absolute mind games & rubbish, different things happened yesterday therefore I will feel different to today as today will bring new thoughts new feelings. I have lived through the hell & it made no difference how much I analysed it.

You are right, I must surrender to this complete & utter madness & just walk on like I have been, that is how I have gotten better.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Is it a self esteem thing?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3 Posts
I can't believe someone else experiences random words! When they come into my head it's so wierd, where on earth do they spring from? Also, I have random images which are equally perplexing! I haven't ever spoken about this before because it makes me feel crazy and out of control. The power of the mind is a law unto its self!!

Luz
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12 Posts
OK, I have been getting random intrusive thoughts as well. I can be going along normally when a word like "shovel" (or something equally random) will just pop into my head out of the blue. It feels very intrusive.

The thing that scares me about this is I read on schizophrenia.com that Thought Insertion (a symptom of schizophrenia) refers to the experience of having thoughts that you don't consciously control.

Well, of course I don't feel like I consciously control these thoughts if they're popping up out of nowhere, and are totally out of context with what I'm thinking or doing.

Could this be thought insertion? Or maybe the early stages of Thought Insertion (before you actually start believing the delusion)?

I'm really scared about this.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
94 Posts
i get random thoughts and words in my mind like that....it mostly happens when i first wake up in the morning. LIke for example, the other day i woke up to go pee and this phrase about "how long should ikeep the car running in the winter time" rushed through my head. I wasn't even thinking about cars...i wanted to go pee and then jump back into bed, what the hell does a car and winter time have to do with what i want to happen? whatever!!!!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12 Posts
Yes, I've had where you get wierd thoughts after you've just woken up. I think it has something to do with the transition from dream state to being fully awake. This is perfectly normal.

But what about when you get a weird, out of place thought in the middle of the day? One that just feels odd, like you didn't control the thought? It's very hard to articulate what I mean.

I wouldn't normally worry too much about it being "thought insertion" because I always thought this referred to the belief that thoughts are being implanted by someone else, but then I read that it can mean thoughts are put in without conscious effort - in other words it's the experience, rather than the belief.
 
1 - 20 of 27 Posts
Top