[peaceboy23]

So Freud, I think it was, said that anger turned inward can become depression, and a book i read said that anger turned inward can cause anxiety. I'm just starting, as I've mentioned earlier, to discover the extent of my anger about a crapload of things, and it has surely fueled my dp to a large extent. I feel like I am a ticking timebomb, one that is well set not to go off, however, but at the slightest things I want to scream and throw things and punch people and all that fun stuff. I once wrote something in a poem, this was in High school (!), six years ago, "I have so much rage, I could scream in pain for days." I never resolved that rage, and six years of added stresses hasn't helped that. Does anyone else have this same issue and think that it is feeding their dp in MAJOR ways. Just curious, thanks.

 

[jake]

Oh yeah man definitely! I can't tell though if it's rage at DP or unexpressed rage causes Dp to be worse. I think it's both, like a circle..round and round. I get afraid of my anger b/cuz I'm a control freak and I haven't learned yet how to let it out.

I do think anger turned inward causes depression cuz it has to be so repressed one can only feel heavy and blue. My reaction to depressive feelings is OFTEN anxiety.

I used to drink and smoke weed quite a lot until I was 28 and man I used to rage or cry when drunk and never understood why no relief? After all, I let it out right?

A counselor told me that the artificial effect of alcohol and drugs wasn't gonna let me REALLY ever feel what I felt much less relaase it or understand it. Its actually why I got sober...my body was suffereing but my mind was in worse shape.

I needed lotsa therapy (and AA) and have now been on a long hiatus from counseling.I think I am in a place to use it again. Sounds like you could too make good use of it. You may already be, I dont know. But yeah man your high school poem was right on.

I guess I am such a controller though I'd be afraid I wouldn't stop yelling or screaming or crying..Once in my life I'm gonna have to let go of that control and trust "the process" and get my ass back in therapy. Thanks for your post peaceboy, it was just what I need today. Keep your hopes up man, you sound better and better on this board.
---Jake

 

[Guest]

You know I'm big on this theory, and it was clearly VERY true for me.

Now, important: it's not so simple as just "let out" your anger, lol. that's not going to help much of anything, except maybe to feel a bit better for a very short time (and then have to deal with the consequences of having had a temper tantrum!)

The goal is to eventually TRUST yourself to be able to feel whatever anger you have and choose to act on it or not. The fear of having no control over the self is what fuels this kind of thing - letting it all out is not the best idea because when we're controlling types, we will always believe we held back a little bit anyway and then fear if THAT bit ever escapes, etc. Can you see the obsessiveness that would follow?

We need to work through the source of the anger (and often it just boils down to a five year old self who is pisssed off that reality is not the way we want it to be!). And over time, as we feel stronger and more trusting of ourselves, we are able to HAVE whatever feelings come up without having to resort to massive "shut down" in order to safeguard the world, lol.

We THINK we are ticking time bombs, when in truth, we're just human.