[Guest]

Hi,

I wonder if dissociation, can turn into DID (multiple personalities). I am worried a little bit about that. I have read that multiple repeated dissociation can turn to DID.

Janine? :shock:

K

 

[Guest]

Oh bugger.

At the moment I can get mood swings from one second to the next - but this only happens every now and then and is more attributed to the fact my thoughts are whirling around in my head like 20 hurricanes most of the time.

 

[Guest]

K, you are killing yourself by reading all that stuff.

I'm not even going to answer - because it only encourages you to find some OTHER disorder to ask about.

You MUST, and I repeat MUST, stop comparing your symptoms to all these exotic disorders on the internet. You've had a severe breakdown (from ALL kinds of conflicts and fears that you are FULLY aware of!), and you now suffer from anxiety and derealization - and you feel depressed and obsessive...but there is NO way to even KNOW if the Depression is real (or a product of the other symptoms and your overall overwhelm)

What you "HAVE" is SO unimportant - they're just symptoms.....some of us get dp, others get something else.

The way OUT is through talking and exploring your feelings and thoughts that you've tried to compartmentalize off for 10+ years. THAT is the work that needs to be done -and it is the SAME work regardless of which particular disorder or syndrome or condition you "have."

At the same time you need TO PUSH yourself, more and more every day OUT into the world - you're going farther and farther into mental health sites, and it's a HUGE mistake.

Still love you, but you are going to be one hell of a challenge to your therapist, lol...not because of "what you HAVE" but because of how relentless you are to keep doing things your own way - even when they clearly are NOT working.

Love,
J

 

[Guest]

For the record, I am NOT saying that you MUST do talk therapy in order to get well.

There may be many other ways to get well, but when you ask ME you're going to get MY take on things. All I know is what worked for me, and what I see work for others. It is NOT the only solution.

But....I am positive that your relentless search through all the different mental health websites is VERY bad for you. I am positive of that.

All I can do is to tell you what I believe to be true.

 

[jft]

Karine/Janine. I agree that to peruse sites or journals or even books to self diagnose can be playing with fire if overdone or done in an unhealthy manner. It has nipped me in the past for sure.

The problem is that when so little is known about ones problem, and when there is so much disagreement on treatment that it becomes frustrating and confusing and one naturally looks to seek solutions on their own. I mean if most docs, if not all docs, one has ever seen have not understood or even heard of dp/dr then we are left to fend for ourselves. And we wind up looking to self diagnose. I for one found after finding this site and one other, as well as discovering dp/dr in a med journal after obsessively searching for months feel very fortunate that information and these sites existed. The danger comes only in overdoing it, for the goal of obessive search is to keep searching, not to find answers. The bottom line of pure obsessional thinking and the fuel for it, is doubt. What Janine may be saying is that your search will not end if it is in the obsessive mode. The hard part is to be able to recognize when this is happening. I have found for myself that there are indications evident when I am falling into obsessive mode. I recognize them and back off. For years though I could not do this.
It took some practice.

In short,information is a double edged sword. It can be used or abused. A person does not need to feel guilty over this, for one intially has little control over it. Who knows if any of this is you, but I write becasue it is and was me. It jsut took too much energy to keep it going, I had to quit.
All the best, if indeed this relates at all, if not, then I apologize.
jft

 

[Guest]

Hi,

Yes I relate. I am very very obsessive....
I know it's not good, I write all my fears and search too often... it's hard not to, kind of a OCD to me.

I hate that but I feel like when I don't do that, I will feel worse, or crazy, etc. It's silly, but true!!! When I don't go here, or talk about that, I feel more dp/dr, worse, on the verge of going crazy, I shake, make panic attaks, like I have to talk about this or it's worse! When I do normal activities, I don't enjoy it at all. I wonder what my life became.

I can relate, this obsession about DP/DR is horryfing. I really need to stop obsessing. I hate that.

Karine

 

[jft]

It is strange how pure thoughts can actually be the "compulsion" part for ocd people. A person maintains the "control" in their situation by
revisiting the thoughts, doubts or questions. You mentioned feeling better by engaging in this truth search or problem solving. There is nothing at all wrong with looking for answers, but when looking for those answers becomes compulsive, then one has just started another fire and is trying to put it out with gasoline. This has been my experience anyway.

I can't stress enough that there is nothing wrong with searching for answers. Sometimes though the right questions have to asked, and that is where I think Janine is coming from in her post (sorry if I am wrong).

I have frustrated docs for years and one finally actually refused to play it my way, for he saw the bigger picture. The bigger picture is maybe what many of us need to see. But waht do I don't know, I am jsut a dumb Norwegain from Minnesota.
jft

 

[Guest]

Not dumb at all, dear Norweigian from Minnesota. That's precisely what I meant.

We obsessives are very tricky, lol...we're GOOD at being mentally sneaky even with ourselves. Is it good to pursue information about dp and ourselves? of COURSE it is. Is that what Karine's doing? Nope.

What we do in the name of something logical ("I just need to learn, to understand, etc..") is we TORTURE ourselves in some horrid loop of repeated behavior - it's like we're stuck in the SPIN cycle, and the clothes will never get out of the damn dryer.

We start out investigating DP and we search the internet and we find some things that scare us half to death. Then we get some other opinions and we feel calmer for a minute. Then we read about schizophrenia and freak out again. Then we ask for clarification, and feel consoled.

We can CONTINUE that pattern - of freak out leading to consolation - because it feels good. It is reassuring to us, and we get lost in that behavior just like an addict - shooting up in the alley because life is so scary and for a brief moment, the drug in our veins reminds us of the first time we ever felt it...and we keep going back for more. just one more shot. Just one. Just tell me once more. Please. Just please give me another 50 bucks, I NEED THIS. OKAY> YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. I need it!!!!

That, my dears, ain't information seeking. And it's dangerous.

Love,
J

 

[g-funk]

The only way you can find out that you are not going to go mad by not carrying out the obsessive behaviour, is to not do it. No matter how many times some one tells you it to be true, you will not believe them until you yourself understand that simple fact. If you can't bring yourself to not carry out the ritual, then you must learn about yourself and understand what it is exactly that you are trying to hold together. Then gradually you will understand why you do the things you do.

I obsessively searched the web and FREAKED out whenever I read about multiple personalities and schizophrenia. That to me, was the worst possible thing that could happen. I wanted to know the worst that could happen, so I could see it happening, and hopefully control it and/or prevent it.

Ever since I was a child, I was afraid of where my thoughts would take me. In order to keep the peace inside my head, I would carry out behaviour that allowed me to avoid going to that ugly place in my head. I was in effect, running away from my own mind, inside my mind, and eventually realised there was no where to run and instead of standing face to face with your inner demons, you implode (dp) as a last resort of hiding. But you are not aware of this being the case as it is not in a literal sense eg saying to yourself 'no, i will not face up to this ' etc. Which is why people find it hard to believe that their brain is doing this to them.

Carrying out obsessions is just distracting yourself from facing your inner fears.
You cannot control your fears in this way.
You cannot drive yourself mad by thinking.
Realise what it is that you are convinced is going to happen and that it isn't going to happen
Un-learn the habit of fuelling the obsession
Learn about magical thinking and the power it has over you.
Understand that it is psychological and that you are causing this, in the sense that you have the power to step aside from your own thinking and immerse yourself in the real world. Long enough each time to regain balanced thoughts. It is entirely possible and will take every inch of willpower in your body. But hell, you've got this far and haven't fallen, infact you are getting tougher the harder you work.

So turn off the computer, walk out the front door, IGNORE the fact that it feels like you've just walked into another dimension, because the reality is that you haven't, and everytime you feel the need to worry or think about dp, just remember that the only thing you will achieve by doing this, is setting the level lower for you to do it again the next day. You cannot think your way out. You have to distrust your thoughts, no matter how much you want to follow them. Go shopping. Then go to a friends house. Then play with your son. Then chat with your man. Then go to bed. Open you eyes, do not think about getting up, get up, go for a walk, do not turn on the computer etc etc get the gist?

Go girl :wink:

 

[Guest]

Hi,

You know what is frustrating? Is that I can do that and I feel so worse. I went to see my friends friday night, they told me I looked better, very normal, they doesn't see at all I am ill, I laugh (seem to), but I felt so odd, 2-d vision, I felt so frustrated.... and when I got home, I felt like it didn't happened to Karine, me. How terrifying. How terrifying. I just wanted to sleep.

Again, the morning after, went to see another friend, forced myself, and again, laughed, talked about my delivery (she's presgnant), and ect. until midnight. Didn't want to change places too much because after I felt out of my body or not there at all, dissociated to the max. Then, back home, woush..... completely forget or almost, that it's ME who went to my friend's house, and we just talked of what? I vaguely remember.... how terryfing!

I really have trouble to not fear this. It's unbearable. It's horrible.

Again today, back home with my baby, I cried just because I felpt major dissociation back home in the car. I felt like I just woke up. I am sad and afraid. I can't accept that. It's horrible. I feel so bad. Serious, it's so hard to accept that, and not being scared. It scares me. I know after 2 years I should get used to this, but I am not. Maybe I ask for miracles, you know, to forget Dp and DR, but for now I am unable.

So frsutrating.

Karine

 

[Guest]

Karine, I assume you've said elsewhere - but how long have you felt like this for?

 

[Guest]

Hi,

2 years.

K

 

[Martinelv]

Karine,

We all understand how horrific this is for you, but you must try and start working to get yourself out of this obsessional cycle. You must listen to what Janine is saying and ACT. Now ! That's an order.

I'm not saying you aren't trying, but by reading your posts it seems that you are so completely overwhealmed by your symptoms that it is preventing you trying to change your frame of mind. Nobody can do this apart from you.