You know what is frustrating? Is that I can do that and I feel so worse. I went to see my friends friday night, they told me I looked better, very normal, they doesn't see at all I am ill, I laugh (seem to), but I felt so odd, 2-d vision, I felt so frustrated.... and when I got home, I felt like it didn't happened to Karine, me. How terrifying. How terrifying. I just wanted to sleep.
Again, the morning after, went to see another friend, forced myself, and again, laughed, talked about my delivery (she's presgnant), and ect. until midnight. Didn't want to change places too much because after I felt out of my body or not there at all, dissociated to the max. Then, back home, woush..... completely forget or almost, that it's ME who went to my friend's house, and we just talked of what? I vaguely remember.... how terryfing!
I really have trouble to not fear this. It's unbearable. It's horrible.
Again today, back home with my baby, I cried just because I felpt major dissociation back home in the car. I felt like I just woke up. I am sad and afraid. I can't accept that. It's horrible. I feel so bad. Serious, it's so hard to accept that, and not being scared. It scares me. I know after 2 years I should get used to this, but I am not. Maybe I ask for miracles, you know, to forget Dp and DR, but for now I am unable.