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Hello all. Ive started this because i want to believe in god, not everything christianity teaches, just the idea of god. I have grown up with a possibility of god but was atheist most of my life untill recently after i developed dpdr. Theres a problem though.

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DONT READ IF PHILOSOPHICAL QUESTIONS BOTHER YOU

After i questioned the purpose for life and for the entire universe, i had concluded SOMETHING wants us here. If it was the big bang, something mustve created the big bang. Why is there everything instead of nothing? I started asking that if something created our universe, god or something like him, then the next thing would be to ask how did GOD come into existence? What created god or our supposed creator? Why does god exist and so on? I realized that even if there is afterlife, it wouldnt take away my existential crisis. Hopefully death has the answers we are looking for and maybe i could ask god himself or itself or whatever after i die. Our universe seems so absurd. Its beautiful yes and enjoyable but just why?
 

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I believe that there literally can't be nothing because we only know existence and existence can't hold nothing as nothing is non existent, by definition.

There can't be nothing and then suddenly something as well as a creator as a creator has to be existent to actually create. I believe existence is infinite, it has no end or beginning. I don't think we're a species currently capable of understanding any of our existential thoughts or answering them hence why it's so hard to understand or even leads to panic attacks
 
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