[boohoo]

Just thought I'd carry on the theme.

A brief introduction. It's always been an ambition of mine to go travelling (unfortunately I can't do this at the moment, but maybe in the future). One of the many things that appeals to me about travelling is that I could be as promiscuous as I like and then return home with little risk of my past catching up with me - unless I get diseased, of course. You see, I'd like to get married one day and I'm aware that men don't marry girls with a seedy past. Double standards, but I know how things are.

So, here's my question: A woman's past number of sexual partners - how many is too many?

 

[Guest]

It's not so much how many partners per se but how many one night stands/'easy lays', that sort of thing.

P.S Tickets to England are very cheap I hear...

:lol:

 

[terri*]

Dear BooHoo,

I simply must send you a copy of "A Promiscuous Southern Woman's Guide to Never tell Everything You Know".

Of course, I need to get busy and start writing it in time for your travels.

8)



Interesting post. Hope the men can be honest about it.

 

[Martinelv]

I'll be honest. Or at least I'll try.

It doesn't matter how politically correct, in touch with our feminine sides or how well we are in tune with cultural norms, most men will view women who have had a lot of sexual partners as, well, a bit lacking in moral fibre. Is that fair? No, it's not. Double standards, as you say.

Then again - men also might view a woman who has had a lot of experience as desirable because, simply, a lot of other men have found her desirable. I doubt there are that many men who would find a women desirable because of her staunch ideologies regarding sex. It's not exactly going to 'turn them on', if you see what I mean. We might admire their principles and publically applaud them for it, but in the end, when it comes down to it, a red light would go off in our heads saying; "The Frigid Ice Queen Cometh."

In answer to your question, you can't put a 'figure' on how many is too many. In reality, as long as we have got our mucky hands on you, we don't give a damn. I know I don't. If I like her and she is faithful to me, then I like her. End of story. Doesn't make any difference how many other men she's slept with.

 

[sleepingbeauty]

med induced mania is my official excuse. honestly. even my doctors say so. i cant even count the amount of freaks i slept with in that brief 3 months. and it wasnt a pleasure thing for me. it was all about power. i felt like the incredible hulk like nothing could touch me. and at the end i was homeless and prostituting to feed me and my dog. but most already know that story.

yes promiscuity can be fun. but if you do decide to go that route, be you male or female, make sure you chose your partners wisely. and im not just talking about stds. you want to be sure that once you do fall in the sack with that person that they are definately someone physical wise you can see doing it with, because once it happens there is no going back. plus make sure you are in a safe situation. having to fight for your life sucks. i should know. and the only reason i am alive right now is because i was manic and not afraid to kick a$$ when a$$ was begging to be kicked.

i know it takes all the fun out of it, but safety must always come first. and honestly... who gives a flying fart what a guy thinks about you? and if he does hold those kinds of standard, especially if he doesnt follow them himself, would you really want him in your life??

 

[Guest]

For pity's sake, go have fun, then prune back the number when asked!

 

[Axel19]

For me, girls who have had lots of boyfriends is almost as annoying as girls who have lots of one night stands. I just don't understand how people can fall in love that easily. Or perhaps they don't really fall in love, which is even worse.

 

[MrMortgage]

Like someone said earlier, the one nightstand thing to me says youre easy and I personally would want a girl that is not easy....the girl everyone wants but could not take it farther then first base type of girl.

Dont get me wrong, I get tempted to sleep with the first girl that rubs up on me, last night for example was a late night, and uh....lets just say I turned a girl down cause I felt it was too soon to get sexual with her.

Anyway, one night stands, serious realtionships, for me the magic numbers are 3-5 is acceptable.

I'm young so maybe when I'm 30 it will turn into 7-10 partners are acceptable but uh...for the most part, I'm the type of guy that gets the girls that are hard to get, the one that all the guys want and just cant get, I'm the one that gets the girl.

I'm not good looking, I'm average, it has to be the way I talk to girls, it must be different then how other guys talk. Anyway, sorry I rambled on.

THE ANSWER IS YES IT DOES MATTER IF YOURE A WHORE LOL!

 

[MrMortgage]

For me, girls who have had lots of boyfriends is almost as annoying as girls who have lots of one night stands. I just don't understand how people can fall in love that easily. Or perhaps they don't really fall in love, which is even worse.

NAILED IT MAN!!! WELL PUT!

 

[Dreamer]

Man is this a loaded question. I think as one gets older the numbers have to change a tad, LOL. For me, sex isn't going to work if I don't have SOME connection with the guy... certainly more than a one night stand -- but I see how a one night stand can happen -- to anyone. I couldn't handle it personally, and I'm not sure why. Sleeping and being close and comforting the other person, yes, not sex.

I believe in serial monogamy, certainly. Ideally if I were "mentally normal", I would have married early, had lots of babies and hoped I'd have had a long marriage, good sex, a loving husband/companion forever until I croaked.

But my life hasn't worked out that way.

I believe in biology and instinct ... I'm not saying this is the rule, I'm saying this is the foundation of things... obviously men are meant to be more promiscuous.... sow your seeds and all that, and are hence going to take advantage of their mating situations. In the pure "survival" sense -- spread your genes around. Men aren't choosy, women are moreso, they have a lot to invest in a pregancy, etc.

What's sad, is eliminating the instinctual part as we are modern day human beings -- both women and men, and there is a double standard, but you'd think that men who have been promiscuous would understand a woman's promiscuity when/if he chooses to settle down.

It doesn't matter how politically correct, in touch with our feminine sides or how well we are in tune with cultural norms, most men will view women who have had a lot of sexual partners as, well, a bit lacking in moral fibre. Is that fair? No, it's not. Double standards, as you say.

I'd say this is the unfortunate truth, based on who we are, as complex animals, and there's not much to be done about it, so women have to lie?

For pity's sake, go have fun, then prune back the number when asked!

My only comment to a young woman is ... be careful and all that stuff. Now, being the age where I could be a mother to most of you :shock: (I can't believe it, but it's true), my hair would stand on end to hear the question from my own daughter if I had one. But I'd feel equally uncomfortable if I had a son who was promiscuous.

Life is an adventure. I would say, if it weren't for this infernal DP/DR/anxiety/depression whatever the Hell is wrong with me, I would have had a LOT more sex, and I think it would have been loving sex though.

Women are different from men. No doubt about it.
Sigh and so it goes.
Ramblings of a tired mind.

L,
D

 

[Guest]

dreamer, I agree that promiscuity is a bad idea on many levels. However, boohoo's question was, how promiscuous could she be without disenchanting her future partner(s)? The answer is that men do not have tolerance for promiscuity. There's no such thing as a little promiscuous or a lot promiscuous in men's eyes. I think men's bar is somewhere around 4. If a woman has slept with four or more men, she is well into slut territory in men's eyes, would be my guess.

There is a double standard, of course. Many here including myself view Martin as a stud for his various conquests, but were I to relate my joust last night with a male prosititute and my plans for getting laid this evening, I doubt I would be held in very high regard for that. sigh, the injustice.

seriously though, it always surprises me how people are willing to have fly by night sexual encounters-- would you be willing to get a blood transfusion from someone you just met in a bar? It's all bodily fluids, and condoms don't contain every fluid that is present in flagrante delicto.

 

[Dreamer]

dreamer, I agree that promiscuity is a bad idea on many levels. However, boohoo's question was, how promiscuous could she be without disenchanting her future partner(s)? The answer is that men do not have tolerance for promiscuity. There's no such thing as a little promiscuous or a lot promiscuous in men's eyes. I think men's bar is somewhere around 4. If a woman has slept with four or more men, she is well into slut territory in men's eyes, would be my guess.

There is a double standard, of course. Many here including myself view Martin as a stud for his various conquests, but were I to relate my joust last night with a male prosititute and my plans for getting laid this evening, I doubt I would be held in very high regard for that. sigh, the injustice.

seriously though, it always surprises me how people are willing to have fly by night sexual encounters-- would you be willing to get a blood transfusion from someone you just met in a bar? It's all bodily fluids, and condoms don't contain every fluid that is present in flagrante delicto.

Ah, you said it all better than I. Agreed, and I have to laugh at my attraction to that Martin rat 8) yes, for his managing to be a "babe magnet." I realized that in myself a while back -- I am attracted to that, and yet at the same time, I can't comprehend it, I don't think I could do it as your final comment summarizes so well.... "fluid ... present in flagrante delicto." LOLOLOL

Men, women, ACH, we're so damned different.
And sometimes I say Vive la Differerence, and other times I'd like to smack all ya' dudes (well no not all of you). There are a lot of decent guys out there. I know a few.

But yes this does tick me off, and I understand

There's no such thing as a little promiscuous or a lot promiscuous in men's eyes. I think men's bar is somewhere around 4. If a woman has slept with four or more men, she is well into slut territory in men's eyes, would be my guess.

BooHoo, I think that's your answer.

Sex is wonderful when it is with the right person. That's all I can say.
Yup, sigh.
D

 

[Dreamer]

And making certain that the Bells at Notre Dame are still silent, Martin, I guess this means the wedding is off, LOL. Forgive me.

Sigh. :?
Life is truly complicated.

 

[Brainsilence02]

We call people or conditions "hot" refering to sex. High "temperature" means a person with tention to have more than a number of relationships which is a (subjective) standard that the society (which is almost a depressing mechanism in favour of practical issues from past centuries and cultural preventions such as puritanism) accepts as "normal". Low "temperature" means the oposite, less tention to have sex.

Sex is natural, puratism is a preversion.

Each person has it's own "temperature". It is not good or bad, is just is. When you get married --no, let me correct that-- when you make a family (decide to have children, that's the crusial landmark of a relationship) you must find a man with the same "temperature" as yours or else you will both be unhappy.

This gives me a place to step and make the question: how many relationships (or one-night stands) would you like to have? Would you mind if your mate had the same? What if he had more? And what about less?

I wouldn't mind if my girl had as many sexual mates as she wanted no matter if they were more, less or the same number with me, as long as she doesn't mind that I (hopefully, "will have") had as many as I had. However, since she had many partners, then she changes relationships quickly. Is this what I want? A "quick" relationship? Or she just haven't found who she wants? But in any case, I will not tolerate having a parallel relationship.

People (men and women) think today that men are more sexual than women. It is not so. It's just that men might (repeat might) think sex beafore other things involved in a relationship. In my opinion it only a social leftover.

Due to social "standards" (put a lot negetive meaning to the word 'standards'), women believe that "all that (some) men want is sex". Wrong. The difference is that usually (repeat, usually) it's easier for men to seperate love from sex. When they have only sex with a woman, it's because they prefer to keep their emotions with someone else. Or they are too afraid of her not respond on their feelings (and it's wrong not to try).

Men are more tender than women, more emotional. Look at older ages, at the age of 60 and 70. I haven't seen a man "throughing away" his wife off the house because he doesn't care anymore. But I have seen many women do that. Different society may be, I don't know what's happening outside this country.

And I think that a relationship can start right away with sex. Why not? But it cannot stay there. It never does. Want an example? Check Une liaison pornographique (keep in mind that this is an example, not a proof/argument). Some people say they need to have a good meeting with someone in order to have sex with, I say that it depends on the (emotional) moment and the people. Also, how fast can you meet a person depends on how open she/he is and how fast can you locate and comprehend elements on her/him.

...

It is possible that this is not what you actually want (taking as example SleepingBeauty's post). Maybe you feel repressed, sometimes is comes from society or family (personal experience about repressed and sex).

Then again - men also might view a woman who has had a lot of experience as desirable because, simply, a lot of other men have found her desirable.

Single standard for that one. A friend wears a wedding ring. He noticed an amazing 40% increase on successful flits. And that, as a fact is so LAME! People think that just because a person has been choosen by someone else, he/she has something worthy. Wrong. Depends on the compromises that person is willing to make in his/her relationships. "Rest assured, don't examine", a universal fact for human species. Could it be a coping mechanism?

our mucky hands on you

A (subconscious?) hint that men are calumniating/defame/corrupting women?

Like someone said earlier, the one nightstand thing to me says youre easy and I personally would want a girl that is not easy....

Easy. So? You mean non-selective?

the girl everyone wants but could not take it farther then first base type of girl.

You mean that then you have managed a feat?

Dont get me wrong, I get tempted to sleep with the first girl that rubs up on me, last night for example was a late night, and uh....lets just say I turned a girl down cause I felt it was too soon to get sexual with her.

When you know it's not soon?

Anyway, one night stands, serious realtionships, for me the magic numbers are 3-5 is acceptable.

Why 3-5 and not 2-4 or 4-6?

THE ANSWER IS YES IT DOES MATTER IF YOURE A WHORE LOL!

I am hearing this a lot. Wrong. Whore is a woman who is having sex for money (or another benefit/trade-in). She never spoke about money.

That's puritanism. Sorry, this is what I think.

And a little addition. Sometimes we want loving sex, sometimes we want "rought" sex, sometimes fluctuations between those two. It's all normal.

 

[Homeskooled]

We have the weirdest discussions on That's Life nowadays...

Boohoo, there are a couple of answers to this question - which do you want? The way things are or the way they should be? You shouldnt lie to a prospective mate - if they dont like you for you, then they arent the right fit, and you'll never be as happy as you could be.

But what, you ask, does a man want to hear? The truth is that there is a double standard - listen to littlecrocodile. Even she finds the fact that Martin gets women an attraction. And she rightly guesses with her women's intuition that most men would not like to hear these things from her. Likewise, us men know that women find a Don Juan reputation appealing. The two sexes are built this way, and we know these things at least subconsciously. Should it be this way? No. But things always seek the lowest level if we dont hold ourselves to higher standards. I'm not seeking sex until marriage - romance, yes, sex, no. It isnt from a lack of opportunity, its just because I see the mistakes of others. And to be quite honest, I think sleeping with someone is a great way to cloud your thinking and marry the wrong mate. I've seen that with friends. And this also means that you should not carry judgement in your heart against someone - if your fiance says she has slept with 10 men,and its in the past, then its in the past. It doesnt make her better or worse than you. For my part, I'd like to marry another virgin, because we'd both be sharing something special, but if I fall in love with someone who isnt, then it wasnt in the cards for me. You cant legislate love. Whoever I'm meant to be with, I'm meant to be with. Love is already complicated to start with, and when we wield it like a toddler with a toy instead of like responsible adults, it loses any of the simplicity and beauty it once had.

Peace
Homeskooled

 

[peacedove]

"And a little addition. Sometimes we want loving sex, sometimes we want "rought" sex, sometimes fluctuations between those two. It's all normal."

And sometimes we don't want sex at all, but get piss ass drunk to try and forget this DP for awhile and then wake up in some freak's bed with him breathing down your neck, crotch pressed against your ass, and his hands on your breasts.

Not so normal.

I wish I didn't have a vagina.

 

[Brainsilence02]

And sometimes we don't want sex at all

Yes. Sometimes we want just emotions. But I know that you mean detraction (focus elsewhere).

but get piss ass drunk to try and forget this DP for awhile and then wake up in some freak's bed with him breathing down your neck, crotch pressed against your ass, and his hands on your breasts

I am sorry to hear that I don't think that sex would be a good detraction (focus elsewhere) from DP.

I wish I didn't have a vagina.

It would be something like that with a penis. The pressure that the instict of reproduction causes is the same. Just the procedure differs.

I think sleeping with someone is a great way to cloud your thinking and marry the wrong mate. I've seen that with friends.

Why? I think precisely the opposite. I agree that sex influenses judgement but I wouldn't call that influense as "clouding". If you don't sleep with her, how you know that you fit in that topic/issue? It's like marrying with a woman you haven't talked. There are couples who take divorce because they just don't fit there. Sex is important. It's 33% of the relationship: communication, emotions, sex.

if your fiance says she has slept with 10 men,and its in the past, then its in the past. It doesnt make her better or worse than you.

Exactly. Past is behind us. Present matters.

For my part, I'd like to marry another virgin, because we'd both be sharing something special

I want the same thing, because if we (me and the girl/woman) have the same experience, it will be better. If I was more experienced, then I would like someone more experienced. Always that the same level with me. I like that. A mate, in all aspects. Same smart with me, same age with me, same experience with me.

it loses any of the simplicity and beauty it once had.

When?

 

[sleepingbeauty]

I wish I didn't have a vagina.

if i had a dollar for everytime i say that. :roll: omg i wish i had a shlong so bad you dont even know. and if i had one... i would be sooooooooo gay!!

brainsilence, great post. i am totally feeling you on the temperature thing and its actually making me seriously depressed. i got personal sh!t that needs resolving fast.

people who hold themselves to so called 'high standards" need to really evaluate the whys and what fors. i think they will find it mearly makes them pretentious snobs. i mean, who the f#ck gave you the right to judge people like that? what makes you so precious? trust me, it matters not how many meaty holes you pounded your nail into as long as no one is negatively effected, including yourself. simply pounding nails doesnt make you any more or less than a person who prefers pounding their own nail, if you know what i mean.

 

[Homeskooled]

Brainsilence,
I dont think you should marry on the basis of sex. Like all things, its a skill. You learn it, and you learn how to be good for your partner. Its a bodily function that we are wired to know how to perform. From there, its just a learning curve. I love a bumper sticker I once saw - Sex is like Pizza. When its good, its REALLY good. When its bad, its still GOOD. Because you learn this skill as you use it, you cant really "test drive the car" to find an accurate appraisal. It takes committment and understanding, two ingredients a marriage needs anyways.

Homeskooled

PS- Brainsilence, even if English isnt your first language, your grasp of it and of the ideas in your posts are very well-developed. It amazes me. How long have you been writing in English, if I may ask?

 

[sleepingbeauty]

homie, you know i love you to death, but you are totally and completely WRONG!!!

seriously, youve never actually had sex, so how do you know that?? and youve never been married!! how do you know so much about marriage if youve never done it? trust me... if you are not compatable in the sac it aint going to work in the marriage. you are not giving sex nearly enough credit. it counts for ALOT. its the reason why most marriages fail. infidelity. if they aint getting it at home then they will get it somewhere else. check the statistics and you will find that im right. now im not going to bag on your beliefs, but God (big G) cannot help in this arena. i was a Christian for most of my childhood and grew up with the exact same value system. the church i went to was the best one in these parts, values up the ying yang... and my dad nailed just about every woman in the congregation. the pastor was a fantastic man and a good christian, and he told my mom that no matter what my dad does, its her duty to stay with the bastard.. AS A GOOD CHRISTIAN! (because he was doing it too no less) i mean, what the hell dude? is that any way to live your life? my dad needed more than what my mom could give, and he was going to get it no matter how many black spots it put on his soul. my mom couldnt satisfy him because she hates sex. yes drinking was the main problem in their marriage, but sex is right up there.

sex matters. if you dont think so try having it sometime. if there aint no fire, and by fire i mean chemistry, it will feel like you are making it with a dead walrus. (chemistry is not LEARNED or happens over time, its something that is there or it isnt... PERIOD.)