[fingertingle]

For people who are now considerably grown up
Just 1 question.

Growing older with dp/dr:

I feel as if my capability for intellectual growth has been severely limited by this shit.

The only things I learn these days could be learned during a good high and would not be taken seriously by most people. Since I really can't evaluate the content of my own mind anymore, I really don't know if I know much about anything.

Am I doomed to be as stupid at 30, 40 or 50 as I am at 19?

My mind seems frozen.

 

[Guest]

Hi there,
For myself, it was quite the contrary! I learned that I now had the ability to learn things that I wouldn't have attempted prior to the onset of my DP. I am in my later 30's now and I find that with the DP I can really "shut out" the rest of the world while I am doing something, which allows me to submerse myself into whatever project I am working on. So fear not, there is hope and light at the end of this strange new (DP/DR) world that we are living in.

Hope this helps,
Tony

 

[Dreamer]

It's interesting. Though I seem to not be able to think, I still can. When in the throes of HORRIBLE DP, nothing is possible. Absolutely nothing. But as I've gotten older, especially the past few years. Overall... well really the past year ....and I'll be 47 in one month!.... if I FORCE my brain to work, it seems just as capable as functioning as it always did.

Yes, slow. Even as a kid it seemed to be slow, before the chronic DP/DR. And I'm flakey, yes. But a lot of my thinking problems come from anxiety.

I have trouble concentrating, but I always did.

I don't think your mind deteriorates, let's put it that way.

In my case, with meds galore over the years, therapy galore, I'd say my brain is the same. I don't know if that 's good or bad, but I have a BA and MA from some of the worst years of my life .... age 17-23 or so. Had a great career for a while. FORCED myself through stuff.

I think I'm better in many ways than I was as a young person.

On the other hand the chronicity for me, the loneliness, the lack of joy takes its toll.

I don't think DP makes us lose who we are, or lose our IQ or whatever. It interferes, and there are ways of working around the cognitive problems.

Except on bad, bad days... you fake it or say, "I have a migraine" and go home.

Best I can think of from an old lady 8)

 

[fingertingle]

Funny you mention IQ, Dreamer.
Taking IQ tests is nearly impossible for me now! The questions, such as Michelle is taller than Aaron and Aaron is taller than Paul but shorter than Vicki balhksjkj make my brain blank out completely. It's like my brain is telling me, "NO DON'T DO IT." I used to get IQ scores ranging 130-150. I took one last month and I got an 80something? (just the online ones) I have huge problems concentrating, too.

 

[fingertingle]

Tony, I think we got opposite ends of this crap. I can't concentrate if my life depends on it. In fact, that would make it more difficult..

 

[Dreamer]

Funny you mention IQ, Dreamer.
Taking IQ tests is nearly impossible for me now! The questions, such as Michelle is taller than Aaron and Aaron is taller than Paul but shorter than Vicki balhksjkj make my brain blank out completely. It's like my brain is telling me, "NO DON'T DO IT." I used to get IQ scores ranging 130-150. I took one last month and I got an 80something? (just the online ones) I have huge problems concentrating, too.

Man I can't sleep again.

I know I'm intelligent. And IQ in a sense means nothing unless one is extremely bright or seriously impaired.

Interesting. I have been capable of doing very well in school my whole life. My grades were all over the place as a kid,but that was due to trouble at home.

Interesting though. At around.... hmmm age 28???? I had a full cognitive test, IQ, personality, the whole nine yards. My IQ was VERY low. The psycholgist who performed the tests said, "This makes no sense, you are brighter than the score, your anxiety is making it impossible to carry out the tasks, the simplest of tasks."

He attributed my anxiety... and I do as well... to my inability to function cognitively at my highest potential. It's an ongoing struggle.

Try to just say, "To Hell with it. What's the worst that can happen. If I fail I fail." It's taken me 46 years to learn that. And I feel a tad more relaxed!

D

 

[widescreened]

my iq was and is the same.what changes with any depressive illness is an inability to concentrate,the root of which is an eternal search for meaning in the outside world and an introspection that eventually infects every aspect of your cognation.shapes of letters become more to the fore than the meaning behind the words.memory is sabotaged by ultra focus on inner dialogue.you may read and reread a page,a paragraph or an individual sentence and not remember what it was about.this happens more and more often until it becomes a constant,dreamy habit.the good news is that you get your old cognation back,if you keep trying.find books on subjects that you are interested in and off you go.hope this helps,thats what happened me anyway.

 

[Guest]

For me it has been all about learning to focus. I still have trouble at times but compared to a year or so ago I am doing phenomenal.

I don't know if this is related to depersonalization but my focusing problem seemed to stem from the notion that I'm forgetting something important or that my actions are somehow flawed or contradict a superior order that I can't seem to fathom.

Widescreened described it very well... a search for some ultimate meaning behind everything. This has really hindered my progress as an artist... I remember so many instances where I wasted time pondering the infinite meaning of something (what does it really MEAN to put color on a canvas???) instead of just trying to make something beautiful.

I've learned that my mind likes to play tricks on me. For whatever reasons I fell into the habit of doubting myself and began to fear my own actions.

Whenever I feel that 'vacuum' tugging on my concentration, I just relax and breathe.

Let that anxious grip let go.
Life is a mystery.

Completing projects and figuring new things out are alot of fun. I remember how much fun I had building and making things when I was a kid -- I never want to lose that ambition again.

 

[agentcooper]

finger, you seem to be quite bright...your posts are always very coherent and many are quite insightful as well. i think that this disorder makes us feel like we aren't thinking nearly as well as we used to, but the reality is that we are just as intelligent as before...we just can't see it. don't let yourself be fooled!

 

[Martinelv]

finger, you seem to be quite bright...your posts are always very coherent and many are quite insightful as well. i think that this disorder makes us feel like we aren't thinking nearly as well as we used to, but the reality is that we are just as intelligent as before...we just can't see it. don't let yourself be fooled!

Absolutely.

 

[Kelson12]

Just wanted to add my two cents here....I don't always feel my thinking is effected, rather it is the ability to communicate externally. For example, I can type some of the most brilliant emails. I very rarely ever have any spelling and/or grammar errors while at work. I've gotten A's on all my papers I've written thus far for my Masters degree.

Buuuuuuuut, when it comes to talking, whether it be in person or on the phone, I just can't seem to get the words to come out like I want to. I either stumble over words or just can't think of what I really want to say or lose concentration or stare into space.

It sucks, because I work as a Recruiter and ideally I am supposed to be on the phone alot, but since my voice feels detached from me, and I have trouble concentrating and keeping focus, I resort to just writing emails. It really sucks.

I don't think I've become dumber with DP, but my cognitive thinking and concentration sure has gone to shit!

Kelson

 

[fingertingle]

When you focus on focusing how does that work?
It's like trying to clear your mind, since thought is involved, it doesn't work.

 

[Guest]

I've had dp/dr for at least 20 years and I find that I'm not stupider than before. I have a hard time with concentration , memory and communication. I have to study longer but once it's in there it does stay. Short term memory is horrible. The more stressed out I get about it, the more anxiety happens and I'll draw a blank. The cycle just keeps happening. I have a hard time getting words out of my mouth that don't get all jumbled up at one point especially with strangers. That anxiety thing again. Sometimes something brilliant will come out of my mouth and people will look at me like they don't even know who I am. I feel like I don't really know who I am. Do spend alot of time reading so have to retain some of that knowledge. Some days are better than others.