Question...Feedback appreciated

2737 Views 25 Replies 3 Participants Last post by Kelson12, Mar 26, 2005

Kelson12

Discussion Starter · Mar 25, 2005

Ok, I know I am not supposed to overthink things, but I am still trying to pinpoint exactly what it is that has caused my symptoms.

One thing I have noticed is that my brain seems to have trouble with alot of things going on that it has to focus on at once.

For example:

I am sitting at my desk at work right now. I was feeling sort of detached. I then decided to turn on some music. So I am now listening to music as well as typing emails, etc. Well, when the music is on I detach even more. And if someone walks by my office or comes into my office, I detach even more. Its like my mind is protecting me from activity as it happens.

Another example:

When I am in the car, I may feel sort of detached. If I then stop to pick up my friend and he gets into the car, I detach even more. Or, when I get out of the car and go into a store, I detach even more.

Another example:

The grocery store. I may be feeling sort of detached, but then walk into the store and see all the people, the bright lights and all the different items I need to concentrate on. So I then get more detached and lose focus, concentration, etc.

Another example:

I will be sitting in my apartment by myself. Then my friend comes over and when he/she comes inside, I detach even more.

Another example:

I may be sitting at my desk and when I get a new email it makes a sound on my computer that alerts me that I have a new message. Well lately that sound will kinna make me jump. Or when the phone rings, it makes me jump.

Another example:

I went with some people from work to get some food after work yesterday. Well I felt half way decent on the way there. But as I got to the restaurant and sat down with all the people from work, I got more detached and couldn't concentrate, focus and felt detached from my voice.

Another example:

I was feeling halfway decently connected and then left my office to go to our St. Patrick's Day party at work in a conference room. When I entered and was surrounded by alot of people and saw all the food and noticed the extra noise, I all the sudden became so detached.

Final example:

Yesterday, my boss asked me to help him escort some people back to a meeting in our large conference room. When I went to the front lobby to get ready to greet the people, I was surrounded by my boss and the secretary and other people coming in. I then became more and more detached.

Anyone seeing a trend here? It's like my brain can't handle changes in environments, people, noises, etc...etc. And then to protect itself, it Depersonalizes to hide from it. But little does it know, it is a horrific feeling, which has caused me to be extremely depressed. Now I don't ever really have a panic attack, or sweat, or have a pounding heart, or get dizzy or light-headed but I become sooooo detached and trapped inside my own head that it is horrible! And it's almost like my brain is doing it on its own, not because I am doing it.

Any thoughts? Your feedback is appreciated. Thanks.

Kelson

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· #21 · Mar 25, 2005

The meds ISSUE can also become a distraction...

my personal opinion is take them or don't take them. I took them most of my life - some did nothing, some helped. NONE cured me. But I do not regret taking them.

My point is that the worry/debate/should I or shouldn'T I? obsession about medication does MUCH more harm than taking or not taking the darn things. The energy we need to spend on DOING life, on trying and pushing and working in therapy and focusing away from our own bodies and minds's sensations...all the energy gets used up in years spent thinking about the Med issue.

If people would just try a med, or not,....if it doesn't work, make a choice, try another or not. And keep that part of healing in perspective, give it NO more time or energy than it takes to talk to the prescribing doctor, then there would be time and energy available to do the things you MUST do in order to build a life that will promote recovery.

I am telling you SO much important stuff here, guys...and 99 per cent of you will not take it in...because in the words of my analyst "everyone who walks through these doors wants to feel better...but not one of them wants to change."

Love,
J

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Dreamer

· #22 · Mar 25, 2005

PS, I don't agree with everything NAMI has to say, though
I'm a member, a volunteer, and attend support meetings.

I believe a poor upbringing such as I had contributed to
my mental illness. This is again where we can't separate
Nature/Nurture. THey are so enmeshed.

But we have psychological issues that therapy deals with, and
we have symptoms. What do we do to lessen the symptoms?

It's different for every single person on this board. I believe
that. WE ARE ALL UNIQUE! 8)

"Ask not what disease the person has, but what person the
disease has." - William Osler, M.D. -- neurologist

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Kelson12

Discussion Starter · #23 · Mar 26, 2005

JanineBaker said:
I am telling you SO much important stuff here, guys...and 99 per cent of you will not take it in...because in the words of my analyst "everyone who walks through these doors wants to feel better...but not one of them wants to change."

I guess I just don't know how to NOT focus on me and the way I feel. Cause my voice sounds weird regardless. And its almost like my DP is an automatic response to changes like I mentioned in my original post in this thread. I kinna just happens. And I don't know how to make it not "just happen"! Make sense?

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· #24 · Mar 26, 2005

Now pay attention, grin.

I KNOW you can't make it not happen.

I KNOW it happens on its own.

What you CAN do is that you can stop exploring the experience.

You can stop analyzing the ins and outs of the horror.

You can stop trying to CONTROL it

You can stop trying to UNDERSTAND it.

You can stop spending hours at a time thinking about it.

if you FEEL it, you feel it.

But the only thing to do at those times is to PUSH yourself into ANY activity that is NOT about self and self-monitoring.

It's very very hard.

It's also what works.

Also, Kelson...you wrote awhile back in a post about your life experiences. You wrote that you have tried to be good, to be a good son, to be what your parents wanted, etc...you are describing someone who has tried to live by a recipe - as if BEING GOOD and being obedient means that good things will HAPPEN to you. Utterly untrue.

You haven't found out who YOU are because you've spent your life trying to be what someone else tells you to be.

THAT is the stuff to talk about in therapy.

That is going to be the key to your freedom from symptoms....not delving and obsessing about the symptoms themselves.

Love ya,
Janine

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· #25 · Mar 26, 2005

i feel those things when im out but when im sitting in my dark room i feel more calm and relaxed. I Hate driving while dr'd it takes away the enjoyment. I know its very strange to experience these symptoms but to test them and try to fight them only makes it worst because it is stronger than you, but if you ignore it, then it will become less and less noticeable.

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Kelson12

Discussion Starter · #26 · Mar 26, 2005

JanineBaker said:
Also, Kelson...you wrote awhile back in a post about your life experiences. You wrote that you have tried to be good, to be a good son, to be what your parents wanted, etc...you are describing someone who has tried to live by a recipe - as if BEING GOOD and being obedient means that good things will HAPPEN to you. Utterly untrue.

You haven't found out who YOU are because you've spent your life trying to be what someone else tells you to be.

THAT is the stuff to talk about in therapy.

That is going to be the key to your freedom from symptoms....not delving and obsessing about the symptoms themselves.

Honestly Janine, you amaze more and more each time. You hit the nail right on the head. I will continue to talk these things out. But you are absolutely correct, I've lived by a recipe and I expect that to lead to perfection and each day I am slowly learning that that is not the case. I know one day I will find myself and Janine, when I do, I have you to thank!

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