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I am posting today to ask if what some other people have experienced is similar to my case. I became trapped in DP/DR state when I was about 20 years old. It happened over a period of maybe a year. I had no idea of what had happened, or what to do about it. I just knew "I" was not there anymore. The world around me was a flat screen with no meaning or depth. Long story shortened, I lived that way a long time. When I finally realized through the internet that others were in similar situations, it was a life- changing moment. One thing I have irrevocably learned through all this- we are not alone here. No matter how messed-up it all seems, there are reasons. I cannot count the amount of times I have been given help and messages in some fashion or other. Not voices or visions, or something like that- some event, a song, some coincidence or other, with me that's how it seems to work. So, eventually, I found what it took to start getting better. In that process, I started to really see how I was, and what had happened, when I was young. When I was about three years old, I went through some times of confusion and trauma, some of which I remember. I'm still not sure about all of it. I've had to sort of reverse-engineer this, and be my own investigator. What I realize now, is that part of me just seemed to "stop" at that point, or perhaps separate from something else. It was as if, from that point on, there was a bridge from that part of me to wherever I was later on. My cognitive abilities were pretty badly impacted, and my ability to emotionally grow and mature were crushed. The older I got, the worse it got, until the "bridge" collapsed altogether. But, being as I was, I had no ability to understand this, or do anything about it. I was unable to see myself as an adult, and have a normal life. I only developed the ability to think and understand many things after a lot of time had passed. I am now in a place I have never been in before- I am largely recovered, in some ways, and understand possibly how I got here. I have read one account of a person who sort of went away after reading a book at about age 14, and came back. Later, he became depersonalized for a long time, and from what he wrote, he considered himself a normal child, with a fairly regular life. I always wondered if there might have been issues he just did not understand yet? I don't know. From reading various posts here and other places, it's hard to know if there is that much similarity to everyone's experiences with DP/DR. Some people might just need a nudge, some people might get help from medication. I'm my case, I am kind of held together with spiderwebs or something. Any kind of medication that is some sort of depressant, I cannot take. Everyday stimulants don't seem to effect me much. If I'm careful, and don't need pain meds for anything, I do ok. I connect with the world around me much, much better than I used to. So- my question. Does this story make any kind of sense to anyone else? The main reason I am putting this out there is to emphasize how much emotional healing can be crucial for some of us in this situation. Not, by all means, in every case- I don't think depersonalization is the same for everyone, not at all. It could be something completely different, and we all have to give thought to what that might be. I wish everyone the best with their experiences with this situation, and with recovering from it.
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