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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi everybody, I'm new here. I know many of the things I'm going to write about were already tackled in many threads, so If you wish you may jump directly to my symptoms and put a tick on the symptoms you recognize as yours as well (no prizes are up for grubs unfortunately).

Basically my love story with DP/DR started in october. After a prolonged period of insomnia due to external preoccupations, I found myself detached from my life, an alien just landed on Earth.
It was ok. I thought it was a natural defensive mechanism against stress, and I decided to sit back and take some time for me. I was even ok with the fact every time I travelled I thought to be in a dream or movie, which is remarkable.
It was just afterwards that newer and worse symptoms cropped up.
As far as I understood, some people on this forum have an unbearable fear of schizophrenia and psychosis (being sure of being psychotic is paradoxically a psychosis in itself). Basically I think I'm slowly digging my hole into psychosis, watching my self doing it while maintaining an unbearably high level of self insight. Before giving any opinion, I'd like to admit that many of the pure "thought" symptoms I have started after I read what the symptoms of schizophrenia were.
I'll post you my symptoms here, in order to know whether somebody can relate to it. I will omit more common symptoms of DP such as visual disturbances, tinnitus, lack of emotions etc.

  • I started misunderstanding words, both written and oral ("Bat" for "hat", but even more complex such as, for instance, "concussion" for "passion"). I have to reread sentences many times before getting the whole sense. This happens as well when I'm listening to a conversation.
  • I started seeing faces everywhere. Like a door and two windows are enough for me to depict a face on it. It happens with every possible object. Sometimes even three simple dots are enough.
  • I sometimes might misinterpret a sound for a voice cry (I underline cry and not verbal speech) and viceversa.
  • Thoughts get verbalized in my mind. I can almost feel my tongue moving while I think.
  • Entire sentences, no matter if said by me or by others, get automatically repeated in my mind.
  • Incredibly high levels of paranoia. The first thought, no matter what another persons does, is that it might be something related to me. Like, if I see somebody walking in my direction the first thought is "he will ask you something". Of course I immidiately recognize it's stupid, but still this happens to me every bloody minute.
  • Patterns of the objects and lights get stuck on my cornea for ages. If I close my eyes I can still see the form of the objects present in the room for several seconds. Yesterday night I had a fast glare on a lamp. 5 minutes later, when I walked in a dark room, the after image of the light was still in my eyes.
  • My bottom down reflexes are completely gone. I was on an airplane the other day watching a movie. The flight attendant started to speak and my reflex was to press pause on the pc thinking that by doing so it will be the flight attendant to shut up. It was a reflex and not a thought-through thought but still, how ridiculous is that? This sort of loose cause-effect understanding happens to me from time to time.
  • It seems that there is an overlap between my imagination and reality. To make an example, I was entering a shop and in the corner of my eye there was a guy which I thought was dressed in medieval clothes. At a second glance he had normal clothes. This sort of things is starting to happen with increased frequency. If I don't look at something directly, it will be my mind to imaginatively figure out what is happening.
  • speaking is becoming a nightmare. I started doing some misspelling mistakes. The thing is words seem so foreign to me. It's like speaking a foreign language. Not even mentioning the fact I hear myself with some sort of gap in terms of time between my process of thinking what to say and the actual talking. It's like talking to my grandma on the phone on the other side of the atlantic and hearing your voice back.
  • sometimes I get this really weird and unbearable sensation that everything has been made by some external force. It's really hard to explain. I'm sure that if somebody among you has this there's no need in further explanation.
  • Basically it's all. Yeah, and also there is an alien always following me and shouting against me. Naah, kidding.

(it's very interesting to notice that much of the symptoms listed above match with autism as well).

I don't seek reassurance here.
I would just like to know whether there's somebody who experienced this sort of things and if he/she managed to overcome it in some way (possibly without meds). I don't care about milder symptoms of DP, I might even find them an advantage in certain situations. But gosh, I want at least some of my normal thought process back.
Please don't say "if you were crazy you'd be the last to know it" because I don't possibly think it's true. Needless to be said, I don't think I'm psychotic now, I'm just pointing out that many of the symptoms I described match with the prodromal stages of schizophrenia, and if the latter is detected early, than the worse might be fended off. I went to some shrinks and they agreed it was anxiety. How stupid.
The thing is, I'm attending a very difficult master right now and if I'm not going to manage this nightmare in a month time I think I'd not possibly be able to continue to study (I'm doing simultaneous interpreting so you might grasp how difficult it is to listen and talk at the same time if you think you're psychotic). Beside this, no one of my friends had noticed anything at all odd about me. One even said he finds me more chilled out (???).

Thanks very much in advance.

(If there are any misspelling mistakes please bear in mind I'm not of English mother tongue).
 

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Bookmarking this. This ALL resonates with me. I turned off autocorrect on my phone so i could go back and check messages to confirm. No aliens for me, instead i seem to experience splitting. Otherwise, all of the above!

Keep sharing your thoughts with friends. It took almost a year before my partner (who I live with) started picking up on any cues. You’re probably pretty good at masking symptoms even when you aren’t trying to.
 

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I made an account just to reply to this. I have most of the symptoms you are talking about, and it’s very life crippling for me. I haven’t had a chance to truly speak about it in depth with anyone, but i’m glad you can put into words what I couldn’t.
The few things that have been helping me has been different meditation techniques that are guided so i don’t have to be alone with my thoughts. Another is journaling.

like you said in your post, i have a fear of going into psychosis. That is the exact fear that makes me “feel” like i am but i’m truly far from it. DPDR symptoms make it feel like a reality because we are so disconnected from ourselves. You have to remind yourself that it’s just a fear, and that’s what has been helping me.
 

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Jesus Christ. It’s very interesting how much I relate to all this. The God (external force) ideas, high levels of paranoia, feeling like every thought has to be verbalized physically, which is the result of desperately trying to hold onto sanity. Do yourself a favor and look up The dive pt 1&2 by Eyedea. It feels like we can’t think unless unless our brain switch is turned to on and you have to hold onto the switch for it to stay on, so we have to let go. See, we are tense. Every muscle in our body is tense as we experience whatever the hell this is. It feels like something pulling the strings of my negative thoughts. And I actually do feel like I’m being held up by strings. Think about it, It feels like my tongue is being held up even... It actually feels like every nerve in my body is tense... what the hell does all this mean?

The loose cause-effect understanding doesn’t just affect reflexes.. it’s also related to comprehending anything including words or speech. Basically, everything you described is interconnected, and it’s true.

p.s, it took me an hour to figure out how to verbalize these thoughts. I’m the slowest person alive with this condition. And also ever since mine started, I’ve had an obsession with God ideas. I struggle with the concept of God
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Jesus Christ. It’s very interesting how much I relate to all this. The God (external force) ideas, high levels of paranoia, feeling like every thought has to be verbalized physically, which is the result of desperately trying to hold onto sanity. Do yourself a favor and look up The dive pt 1&2 by Eyedea. It feels like we can’t think unless unless our brain switch is turned to on and you have to hold onto the switch for it to stay on, so we have to let go. See, we are tense. Every muscle in our body is tense as we experience whatever the hell this is. It feels like something pulling the strings of my negative thoughts. And I actually do feel like I’m being held up by strings. Think about it, It feels like my tongue is being held up even... It actually feels like every nerve in my body is tense... what the hell does all this mean?

The loose cause-effect understanding doesn’t just affect reflexes.. it’s also related to comprehending anything including words or speech. Basically, everything you described is interconnected, and it’s true.

p.s, it took me an hour to figure out how to verbalize these thoughts. I’m the slowest person alive with this condition. And also ever since mine started, I’ve had an obsession with God ideas. I struggle with the concept of God
U have psychosis?
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I made an account just to reply to this. I have most of the symptoms you are talking about, and it’s very life crippling for me. I haven’t had a chance to truly speak about it in depth with anyone, but i’m glad you can put into words what I couldn’t.
The few things that have been helping me has been different meditation techniques that are guided so i don’t have to be alone with my thoughts. Another is journaling.

like you said in your post, i have a fear of going into psychosis. That is the exact fear that makes me “feel” like i am but i’m truly far from it. DPDR symptoms make it feel like a reality because we are so disconnected from ourselves. You have to remind yourself that it’s just a fear, and that’s what has been helping me.
Need to talk about it?

Add me on snap hakalaj_2020
 
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