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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm going to be having an interview on Monday for a potential job opportunity. It's been years since I've worked or even thought about working and some aspects of my mind are getting worse and worse.

I don't even feel despair I just feel utterly gone. There is still the obsession with permanence and whether my emotions, thoughts, feelings even matter at all. I stare in the mirror and there isn't anything anymore. I look outside and it's a dream.

I'm a caged rat in a hell beyond hell. I truly don't know why I haven't killed myself yet. Perhaps just my intense internal drive for survival, but god damn saying "it sucks" is an understatement.

Please pray for me. God has left me to rot in a shadowed hole with only the faintest light of redemption.
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