[jake]

I have posted an average of one every other day or every 3rd day since July 12th. But just like my life my membership on this board is touch and go. I guess it is kinda reflective of real life; I don't get too close and nobody gets too close to me. Maybe I expect too much from myself and other people. I really am feeling sorry for myself though, like I always do when I post and no one replies, and very few even read. What is it that I do or say that makes me so invisible and so easy to forget or ignore..here and in real life? I know my intimacy quotient is not great, but do I just really give off a "don't talk to me" vibe? Am I obnoxious or not enough? Do I seem self absorbed or too interested? Do people think I am weird cause I am sober? Am I some old fart of 50 who doesn't fit in the age range well enough for people to feel comfortable? This is all just thinking outloud but I felt compelled to say it all. I guess they are really questions I already had about myself and just like when you have a therapist who just sits there and doesn't talk you get enough rope to hang yourself with? You fill up the space against the silent backdrop, and ask or say things that are really on your mind. Enough self obsession for the time being. The Bengals won today and I look forward to being home from the hospital Saturday nite watching Game One of the World Series..White Sox --vs---don't know yet. I wish it already was Saturday.

 

[fingertingle]

I wonder how exactly I give off the "don't talk to me" vibe too. I know it's happening, I just don't know how.

 

[jake]

Yeah it's weird to want people in your life, and een have some suprficial type things, even some deeper level friends at times. Yet the struggle b/tween myself wanting to not be bothered or to not have people have expectations and the human need for connection. I'm not very consistent I have ben told that. Other times I actually ask to be seen and heard but it seems I'm doing something that keeps people far away. If you figure it out let me know, haa. So you joined this board on my AA anniversary 22 yrs clean & sober. Also it says Michigan. My Mom was born there, are you from there? She was born in St. Ignace way up there.

 

[terri*]

Well hell Jake, why didn't you say so before...it [/b]is because you are 50.

I think most of us feel that way some of the time on this board. I tend to go around thinking...I'm a thread killer. I'm a thread killer.

Sometimes 20 people will look at a post and not reply. If I see that and feel I can say something halfway decent, I'll post because I want the person to know they are not being ignored. It's kind of a pay it forward thing for me.

Anyway, that being said...it's because you're 50. :wink:

Do know there are a few of us around, so you are not alone.

 

[kchendrix]

Hey I think we all go there, but don't be so hard on yourself man, sometimes around here people are scanning the posts and looking for that one thing that is going to put them on the road to recovery. So when someone doesn't respond , it could be because they are in a desperate mode. Looking to find "THE ANSWER" you know.

Sometimes I post just to get something off my chest and if no one replys they may not have anything in common with what I posted, but it feels good to write this crap down sometimes. I don't think there is anything you are saying in any of your posts that would offend or lead anyone to believe that you aren't anything more then a good peson who has a terriable disorder, and that you are just one of the family here Jake. I am 47 so you got a couple years on me... but you seem to be a very nice person who is capable of expressing themselves very well..

Take Care Buddy and Hang in there

 

[kchendrix]

Hey I think we all go there, but don't be so hard on yourself man, sometimes around here people are scanning the posts and looking for that one thing that is going to put them on the road to recovery. So when someone doesn't respond , it could be because they are in a desperate mode. Looking to find "THE ANSWER" you know.

Sometimes I post just to get something off my chest and if no one replys they may not have anything in common with what I posted, but it feels good to write this crap down sometimes. I don't think there is anything you are saying in any of your posts that would offend or lead anyone to believe that you aren't anything more then a good peson who has a terriable disorder, and that you are just one of the family here Jake. I am 47 so you got a couple years on me... but you seem to be a very nice person who is capable of expressing themselves very well..

Take Care Buddy and Hang in there

 

[agentcooper]

hey jake just posting to let you know that i know how you feel sometimes but i don't think people are ignoring you...i agree with terri* that a lot of people are looking for answers and if your post doesn't contain the answers they don't reply.

 

[jake]

Thanks everybody! Just to know we all have the same fear at times is relief from some of that--we say "terminal uniqueness" where I come from. Terri thanks a s usual for your style of support, haaa. KC thanks for saying its like a family and I do belong. And Coop, thanks for replying ad reminding me too of what KC said--it aint always about me. People are searching FOR help or in a mood to GIVE help if they can. We all go back and forth from time to time. I reckon the surgery scare for Thursday has me a bit over-reacting. But you guys here all really do mean alot especially right now, Be cool,
---Jake