My God yes,
It's true what dutchmark and Janine says. I really recognize myself in this obsession of wanting to be reassured and complaining.
I just returned to my family doctor, who is aware of all my symptoms, and she keeps repeating me that healing anxiety is VERY hard. It takes time and therapy and meds. She doesn't want me to go see another psy (except the anxiety clinic for behavioral tricks), because she feels that the diagnosis will be the same. And therapy too. And I took a little more anti-anxiety to calm me down, and I was calmer. And better.
And as silly as it sounds, I feel relieved to hear that. And I KNOW tomorow I will feel anxious again, and depressed again. And I will need reassurance, changing meds, etc.
I WANT to break that cycle. I want to stick with one antidep, that is ALL. And go to that anxious clinic to change my patterns. And maybe open up about all my fears to my psychiatrist. I wrote to him a letter about ALL my fears, but I know it's not the same to talk about it.
Anyway, I want really to change. You know when I was 16 I was anorexic (a bit), and this is a kind of obsession. Then I was obsessed with my skin (acne, that I didn't have but was really convinced I was ugly, and was obsessing about it). My sister had a OCD, and my mother is obsessive about cleaning, without admitting it. She is a freak about washing and cleaning and classing. I KNOW it's hereditary. I just wonder how to break to cycle. Now when I was pregnant I was obsessed about meds for my baby (I was a freak about all I was taking), and other fears that I didn't talk about here. I became obsessed also by the fear of delivery.
Sometimes I hate my family because I look at their problems and I know so much where mine comes from. But how can I heal myself when they even hardly admit that they have a problem and I have one?