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Hello,

I am new here but have been (or at least I think I am) suffering from this HELLISH disorder for around 9 months now and I am breaking point. Everything single morning I wake up and instantly feel terrible/question EVERYTHING AND I MEAN EVERYTHING. For example: who am I? What is going on around me? What are words? What is language? What is the point in anything? I question thoughts and the mere presence of thoughts! I view everything from a universal perspective. And then the despair hits. The toe-curling, spine-tingling, wretched realisation that I am ALIVE and I have no idea why or what I am. Am I schizophrenic? Who even bloody knows anymore. Sometimes I am too scared to even open my eyes because everything is just too overwhelming. It is too uncomfortable and tormenting to endure this much longer (note: I have severe health anxiety so suicide is definitely not an option - although my intrusive thoughts tell me otherwise). Alongside all of this, I suffer from panic disorder and believe that I am about to drop dead at any given second for around 80% of the day. I can't live like this anymore!!!! I have had traumatic events happen in my life and there a few occasions that I can accept that this is 'just a symptom of my anxiety' but even they are wearing thin. I have had 12 sessions of CBT but they really have not helped! I am at a loss. I have been on a wealth of medication but none of them has worked and no health (or mental health, for that matter) professional seems to be able to help. Is this PTSD, OCD, DPD, Panic Disorder or all of them? I know everybody's experience is subjective, but please can somebody tell me that they have been through the same kinds of symptoms that I have described because I feel1 utterly mad. The CONSTANT questioning of questioning itself is driving me up the wall. This existential bulls** is just the worse just want to be 'normal' - whatever the hell that means
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Thank you to anybody who reads/comments on this


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imserious
Apr 26 2017 11:53 AM

i was breaking point yesterday.today i wake up and dpdr is gone.just hang in there man.learn to live with it and dont pay attentiion to it.and i know its hard but control your thinking.it will be gone soon.



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GEP91
Apr 26 2017 03:15 PM

i was breaking point yesterday.today i wake up and dpdr is gone.just hang in there man.learn to live with it and dont pay attentiion to it.and i know its hard but control your thinking.it will be gone soon.
Thank you for your kind words
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I'm glad to hear that it had gone for you today! It's such a soul-destroying state but you are right, this will pass (i bloody hope so anyway, ha)! Hope you're still doing well. Best wishes!


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heersting
Apr 30 2017 02:47 PM

Are you having trouble understanding language too. Like the words seem foreign to you?


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GEP91
May 02 2017 09:58 AM

Honestly everything, language included. I find it uncomfortable having a conversation with my closest friends because I just cannot comprehend that it is really happening if that makes sense? It's a near impossible feeling to ignore! Do you suffer similar symptoms?


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dope
May 10 2017 03:14 PM

Hi!

Hang on. Life is worth it. If a professional doesn't help you, just switch, and keep switching until you have the right one for you.
Fight for yourself, for your life - I know this is madness, but life is worth the effort.


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Romin
Jun 08 2017 10:45 PM

Hey there!!! I was so happy to find somebody who went through the same experience that I went through in the beginning!! It was so so so so very difficult at first and the panic of not knowing why or if anybody else in the world ever went through anything like this. Let me tell you that I believe 120% you will feel much better with time, you are a very very courageous person. I know exactly the questioning of question or the thought "what is a thought?" The stuff about existential things is very funny because I use the same exact word! I actually have altered senses.

A little about me: I came upon this depersonalization after smoking marijuana. I have had it chronically for 3 and a half years now. (This is not to scare you, it gets MUCH easier to deal with down the road. the first year was the most difficult BY FAR). I have altered senses. I can see through the border of everything including people and anything in front of me. Everything that isn't in the background looks like a hologram! (It's cool ok-laughs it off-) My sense of smell is 75% gone. Being inside or outside feels absolutely no different. Weird to try and understand I bet. I remember being able to smell the different rooms I entered in my house. I really miss that hahaha. My hearing is about 30% less than before and feels off in general. Thankfully my sense of touch that was altered very much has come back to normal 100%!!! YES, all of my senses were WAY worse in the beginning and have healed every couple of months to a noticeable point since.

My advice to you. Do not panic and keep in your awareness that you are comfortable with being uncomfortable. This mantra personally changed my life. I believe the biggest fear that arises from our emotional body is that when we are not okay, we believe we have to change something immediately or we are going to die. Instead of just feeling sick, you have this worry and fear that if you don't do something about it, you're not going to make it which adds soooo much to it. Just tell yourself this once and if it helps, remember it always. "I am comfortable with being uncomfortable."

I want to let you know that you are on a great journey of the soul to know who and what you really are. This is the reason behind the questioning of questions. You must question everything to know the truth of everything. Another piece of advice, just laugh about it. It sounds so crazy and maybe too stupid to comprehend but this is what helped me the most. Just laugh. I've been laughing about everything since I've reached this point of peace, contentment, and happiness. I have become so so strong at will, I am unaltered by my atmosphere now that I can see through everything, and yes literally too. I am always happy and understanding now that I have reached the highest awareness of my existence. Each day I reach a higher understanding, a higher awareness of what it means to exist. Why anything exists. You will realize the perfection soon. Hang in there. DON'T GIVE UP! YOU are strong, so so so strong. I know. When the sun finally shows and the storm is over, you will realize you have transformed into a super being. A being of SUPREME awareness. You will move things with your mind. Master the mind, master your life. I may have gone on way too long now, forgive me for the essay hahaha. Also feel free to email me at [email protected]! You have been chosen. You will be greatfull the day you realize your truth.



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ThatGuyCj
Jun 10 2017 10:57 PM

Does anyone of u guys experience a tiredness or fatigue when the dp/dr gets worse? I feel tired all day every day on top of this frustrating mental state.


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GEP91
Sep 13 2017 07:16 AM

Hey there!!! I was so happy to find somebody who went through the same experience that I went through in the beginning!! It was so so so so very difficult at first and the panic of not knowing why or if anybody else in the world ever went through anything like this. Let me tell you that I believe 120% you will feel much better with time, you are a very very courageous person. I know exactly the questioning of question or the thought "what is a thought?" The stuff about existential things is very funny because I use the same exact word! I actually have altered senses.

A little about me: I came upon this depersonalization after smoking marijuana. I have had it chronically for 3 and a half years now. (This is not to scare you, it gets MUCH easier to deal with down the road. the first year was the most difficult BY FAR). I have altered senses. I can see through the border of everything including people and anything in front of me. Everything that isn't in the background looks like a hologram! (It's cool ok-laughs it off-) My sense of smell is 75% gone. Being inside or outside feels absolutely no different. Weird to try and understand I bet. I remember being able to smell the different rooms I entered in my house. I really miss that hahaha. My hearing is about 30% less than before and feels off in general. Thankfully my sense of touch that was altered very much has come back to normal 100%!!! YES, all of my senses were WAY worse in the beginning and have healed every couple of months to a noticeable point since.

My advice to you. Do not panic and keep in your awareness that you are comfortable with being uncomfortable. This mantra personally changed my life. I believe the biggest fear that arises from our emotional body is that when we are not okay, we believe we have to change something immediately or we are going to die. Instead of just feeling sick, you have this worry and fear that if you don't do something about it, you're not going to make it which adds soooo much to it. Just tell yourself this once and if it helps, remember it always. "I am comfortable with being uncomfortable."

I want to let you know that you are on a great journey of the soul to know who and what you really are. This is the reason behind the questioning of questions. You must question everything to know the truth of everything. Another piece of advice, just laugh about it. It sounds so crazy and maybe too stupid to comprehend but this is what helped me the most. Just laugh. I've been laughing about everything since I've reached this point of peace, contentment, and happiness. I have become so so strong at will, I am unaltered by my atmosphere now that I can see through everything, and yes literally too. I am always happy and understanding now that I have reached the highest awareness of my existence. Each day I reach a higher understanding, a higher awareness of what it means to exist. Why anything exists. You will realize the perfection soon. Hang in there. DON'T GIVE UP! YOU are strong, so so so strong. I know. When the sun finally shows and the storm is over, you will realize you have transformed into a super being. A being of SUPREME awareness. You will move things with your mind. Master the mind, master your life. I may have gone on way too long now, forgive me for the essay hahaha. Also feel free to email me at [email protected]! You have been chosen. You will be greatfull the day you realize your truth.
this honestly just made me cry, thank you so much for such kind words. Sorry for the delayed response, I have only just seen this. How're you getting on? I hope very well.


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Sharon22
Jan 11 2018 07:09 PM

Be here myself babe. I promise you it gets easier xxx


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Sharon22
Jan 11 2018 07:11 PM

Have you read DARE by Barry Mcdonague, that book changed my life. xxx
 
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