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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Hi everyone, I’m Bayanda, a 22 year old male.

What I’m currently experiencing is something that has been going on for about seven years now.

Every now and then for weeks on end, I become hyper/overly aware of my existence and that I am alive. I become aware of the fact that I’m experiencing my sense of self inside my physical body (and that through my eyes, I view the world around me from this vantage point). it's like my existence doesn't make sense and i can't quite believe i am here, living in this world. It's like every now and then for long periods of time, a switch in my brain turns on & I become aware that I am a living being, existing in this body of mine.

It’s like I suddenly realized that I'm human and alive.

I also become hyper aware of the fact that i’m looking out of my own eyes. Like, I become aware of eyesight and how i see. I become hyper aware of the fact that we as humans see like this (in first person): When times get bad #ice #iceicebaby #harleydavidson #teslabike #harley... | TikTok , and that we can’t see or look at our bodies from that same perspective or another one[like you can with a video game character or an OBE]. The fact that I see through my own eyes among other things has just been weirding me out.

This hyper awareness always puts me in a state of panic/fear/anxiety and I often get frustrated or sad at the fact that I cannot stop myself from being THIS AWARE. It’s like I’m conscious/aware of my own consciousness!!

I don’t like being this aware!!

A really good but not 100% accurate example of what I’m talking about with regards to the hyper awareness of my existence is this TikTok [I don’t feel relaxed like the person in the video, I usually start panicking immediately after the hyper awareness]: You ever just randomly become violently aware of your existence | TikTok

This is another good example: Hyper-aware of my existence (intense panic... - Anxiety Support
 

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Sounds like classic dp to me. You have to realize that its all basically caused by anxiety. The times when you experience this, try and remember if you were stressed or anxious before it happens. Chances are that you get intrusive thoughts about the condition and you get scared of it, making the condition happen. Is that correctly assumed?

Either way, my suggestion is to try and live life like normal. Realize that this state is not dangerous and will not hurt your brain or body. Its a natural defense mechanism that everyone has but it gets easily triggered for us because we have high anxiety and possibly trauma in our past. Stopping the fear of dp is the first step to recovery.
 

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Hey Bayanda. Based on what you’ve said it is definitely depersonalisation as opposed to derealisation. I personally did not suffer from this, it was more my surroundings that freaked me out and how the world looked not being hyper aware of my being. So mine was derealisation. None the less, recovery is the same. I’m recovered by the way… It’s all anxiety based and unfortunately it takes control. The issue we have is that we fail to see when in these moments that it’s a trick. Anxiety tricks us into these false mindsets and we become obsessed. Neural pathways get created and very strong habits form. But habits can be reversed .. our brains are very malleable at a neurological level at least, which is good news for us. It means DP/DR can be reversed where we go into a state where we don’t become freaked out by our surroundings anymore or the hyper awareness of our bodies. Feel free to read my recovery story if it helps. Carl.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 · (Edited)
Hey Bayanda. Based on what you’ve said it is definitely depersonalisation as opposed to derealisation. I personally did not suffer from this, it was more my surroundings that freaked me out and how the world looked not being hyper aware of my being. So mine was derealisation. None the less, recovery is the same. I’m recovered by the way… It’s all anxiety based and unfortunately it takes control. The issue we have is that we fail to see when in these moments that it’s a trick. Anxiety tricks us into these false mindsets and we become obsessed. Neural pathways get created and very strong habits form. But habits can be reversed .. our brains are very malleable at a neurological level at least, which is good news for us. It means DP/DR can be reversed where we go into a state where we don’t become freaked out by our surroundings anymore or the hyper awareness of our bodies. Feel free to read my recovery story if it helps. Carl.
I’ve edited the original post, please read through it again


I feel like it’s depersonalisation coupled with something else. Here are some good examples of what I’m experiencing (pay attention to the sections that talk about the hyper awareness):

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Your brain chemistry changes all the time. From what you eat, to the stress or anxiety in your life, depression, vitamin D you are getting from the sun. The list is endless. You have an advantage of coming in and out of DP. Write down how you feel before and after bouts of DP. You might just learn something about yourself that you never even know you had going on.
 
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