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Please, is it depersonalization or what?

1241 Views 2 Replies 3 Participants Last post by  SMN123
If you don't want info or context just skip to the second and third paragraphe! Also sorry in advence, english is not my first language.

Hello! This is my first time on here, and I don't normaly just share on spaces like these because i'm anxious but I really need answers. So I've hade GAD since as far as I can remember. I've always been very anxious and scared and in my head, though it has gotten worst as I grew up. Right now i'm 22 and I don't know what my brain does anymore. The thing is that along with my GAD, I have ADHD and maladaptive daydreaming, and i've had that last one for about 8 years now. The problem with all of these together is that I have no control over my brain and I always get pulled away from reality. To put it simply, I think it's my avoidance response to anxiety mixed with the lack of focus of the ADHA. Because i'm always so absent, I don't really notice things that I do or happend with me. Like I never though I had panic attacks until I felt like I was having I heart attack and googled it, and after reading on panic attacks I realised I've been having them way before that to some degree. I'm just really use to the feeling of high anxiety, it can happends for nothing and iv'e had it for so long that I never looked more into it.

And right know i'm going through something similar where I'm realising just how easely I disconnect from my life. I just can't stay present, wheter it's because of anxiety or ADHD, and sometimes, when i'm anxious, things don't feel real.
It's either a numb, neutrual feeling where I sort of like, overthink myself to numbness? It's not necesseraly scary, it just suddenly feels like reality is malleable, like i'm in a different place, and i'm different. It feels very isolated, but in a confterbale way, it mostly happends when i'm alone, or starts that way, but I feel like I exist in a bubble of a different reality. I guess it's sort of feels like a dream but i've never really thought about it that way when it happends. It can also be negative if my thoughts that lead me there where negative, but like in a depressed numb way. It also depends, it's really hard to like find a pattern in this. It can also happend in public, but it's a little different, it' like a sudden realisation of my surounings, like I become super aware of my suroundings in a new way, I don't knwo how to explain that one tbh, but it's pretty random, I guess it happends a lot after seeing a movie or like, taking a walk at night? Idk. So ya, anybody as that?

The other thing it when my anxiety gets too high too fast, like instead of being a semi constant feeling it's this sudden rise, i'm sur you can relate. Well when that happends, I start feeling drunk, kind of like what I saw descibed somewhere on here so i wanted to see if someone could relate to the reste, because I don't really have a visual experience, not in an obvious way I don't think. But everywhere I look up symptoms of DP or DR, it talks a lot about a distorted perseption of the suroundingd, but I can't remember if i ever had that, so i guess not. For me it's more of like a feeling? It feels like i'm drunk or dreaming or high. It also gets more intense if I focus on on thing for too long. Like you know when you're drunk and you look around and things happends slower? Like your eyes are slower to percive than you head is to turn? It also feels like i'm floating, like i'm light headed. But ya I have a hard time describing it because it's the first time I really think about it, even though it's a very familiar feeling and been happening for a while. The problem is right know i'm becoming aware of it and it dosen't really go away, and i don't know if it's always been persistent of it's worst right now?

Anyways, if anyone can tell me if they can relate, if it's DP or DR or not even that at all, that would be great, cause I feel like i'm going crazy atm.
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