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hi, im new to this. Ive never used any kind of forum or anything so im kind of nervous. I recently got diagnosed with derealization, I think it is a way i subconciously cope with social anxiety disorder. I always feel extremely disconnected. I don't have friends cause I feel so disconnected from everything and feel like I can't interact with people. I can't remember a time where I didn't feel like this. I also feel extremely emotionally numb all the time. I feel really hopeless and scared and alone all the time and if anyone has any suggestions or even if you just want to say hi please do, it would mean so much to me. thank you so much for taking time to read this
 

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Hi,

I was 17 when I had a traumatic experience while trying to become intoxicated on cannabis for the 1st time. My life changed.. My perception of self and reality were significantly altered. I wouldn't understand what happened that night until 40 years later.

I never stopped researching, reading, and trying to understand what happened to me. Finally, I found some information contained in British Neurological Texts that led me to conclude my traumatic experience was an epigastric aura followed by a sequence

of intense temporal lobe seizures. I had been epileptic for most of my adult life without realizing it. I had been suffering focal temporal lobe seizures which I mistook for panic attacks. I also experienced absence seizures. The neurological texts explained

that I was a worse case scenario, in that my post ictal psychosis following the initial seizures segued into an affective disorder of major depression. I would experience an episode of major depression approximately every decade for 40 years. The episodes were

6 months of going to hell, and 1.5 years of recovery. They featured horrible anxiety and extreme insomnia. They were epic struggles for survival. Now for the good news. I persevered. In 2013, I had ECT and it was a major success for me. I have been

depression free for almost 4 years. I am fully alive for the first time since I was a teenager at the age of 62. LOL Was it worth it? Hard to say. I didn't have many options. I do recommend you challenge yourself and stay in the game to the extent you are

comfortable. Good luck and welcome.
 

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40 years of mental illness covers a lot of territory. Initially, I experienced a total loss of positive emotions and spirituality. I was agoraphobic. I experienced "exploding head syndrome". Yeah, look it up. LOL

I experienced racing thoughts....the kind that go faster and faster, from one topic to another until they race off into nowhere and you don't remember a single thing.

I once went without real sleep for 52 days. If you can think of a psychiatric symptom, I probably had it at one time or another. Somehow, I got better. I never thought I could or would.

I just couldn't quit, and finally something good happened for me. It's amazing that none of my symptoms caused permanent damage. (other than depriving me of 40 years of life, that is).

So, keep the faith and see if you can get out of it sooner than I did.
 

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thats terrible 40years!? i dont know do i even believe...
if im here so long i will more kill myself.. whats the reason suffer your whole life
but my situation is pretty bad and i dont know if i ever gonna do it. and i have had this 3 years and im giving up everyday more. Im also very disconnected.. actually i dont have no connection left in me. i cant rreally do anythig.
 
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