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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey Guys,

I need some advice, or some reassurance, or some thoughts on what I should do. The last few days have been horrible, I haven't slept, and have hardly eaten anything. I can't think. The delusions I'm having about external reality have grown even stronger, and I am positive that nothing exists beyond my own imagination. It is terrifying, and without an end. The harder I try to ignore these thoughts, the stronger they become. It seems like my whole existence has just been a dream, or an illusion in itself. Nothing is real, and nothing has ever been real. More of myself is drifting away, and I don't feel anything. I feel dead. I can't go on like this. No one understands, but it doesn't matter b/c nothing seems real. I don't know what is happening to me, it's almost unbearable and unimaginable that this could happen to anyone. I'm very close to going to the hospital and admitting myself into the psychiatric ward, which seems like my last hope. Maybe they can give me something to quench this horrible beast. Please, please if anyone has been in a similar situation, or thinks that the hospital might help, I would be so grateful.

Thanks,

Jon
 
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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Tell me what you are doing in these days.

You CANNOT sit home by yourself and try to STOP these thoughts. If that worked, I would have gotten well real fast instead of after many years, grin.

Tell me what you do, what activities, etc. I know it feels False. I know that.

And...LISTEN to me, please: you will NEVER succeed in THINKING your way out of this. It only gets deeper and deeper and deeper.

Actions.
Fake it.
Pretend.
Spend as much time as you can ACTING normal.
When you panic, fight it.
When you feel lured into the delusions, fight it.
Do not fight it by DIRECTLY fighting it. Fight it by working with every ounce of yourself to REDIRECT your attention.

It feels false.
Do it anyway.

You will want to look at yourself every minute to see "how you're doing" with this. Fight that urge.

You will say you CANNOT fight.

Fight anyway.

Distract yourself every minute of every day.

it is the hardest thing you will ever do.

And it works.

Love,
J
 
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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Hey Gstile!

I've had this obsession, too!I was thinking that maybe all this world existed only in my mind...and of course, I associated this thought to the fact that I was going to be schizophrenic and these thoughts were the prodromal phase of sz!
Many people have your same fears...2 weeks ago, my little sister (13 years old) asked to my mother "Mom, are you real?"....see, I think everyone has these kind of thoughts, but we OCDers or DPers are more prone to obsess about them because of our condition!
Here in Italy there is a science magazine called Focus...some months ago, there was an article about the perception of reality, and there were various examples of people truly believing that they invented the world or that we live in the Matrix...and no, they were not crazy, most of them were common people, and even some scientists and doctors.
This kind of philosophy that you've set up is called solipsism, so you're not original :wink:
Read this page that explains very well this philosophical concept!

http://www.iep.utm.edu/s/solipsis.htm#H7

(By the way, it's one of the first times I put in good use all of my experience on "internet searching :D ).

Please, Gstile, don't worry...yours is only an obsession, and like all the obsessions, the more you think about them, the more they become frightening.
And...mine is possibly worst than yours: it's frightening to think that everyone around you is just an actor and maybe every event of your life is already predetermined :roll: OCD I hate you!

Don't give up Gstile, ours is a battle against our worst fears...we cannot lose against ourselves.

Tau
 

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Janine is simply brillant!

Please listen to her, as I am trying very hard to as well!

And she is right sitting at home will not solve anything. It will only make it worse! I often wonder if I should stop work for a while. But I am succeeding greatly and it is funny because the worse I think my DP gets, the more compliments and kudos I get from my boss! Though it doesn't seem like it, cause the DP and Depression are masking it....you are making progress. Slowly, but surely. Baby steps. Do ALL YOU CAN to force yourself to get out and do stuff. As uncomfortable as it is. Do it. You have no other choice! :lol:

Take care.

Kelson
 
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks so much for all the replies. I don't have much time, but I will write a longer post later.

Thanks again,

Jon
 
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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I guess the hard part is that with a delusion about everything being a figment of your imagination, it is so hard to turn away from it b/c everything reminds you of it. DP/DR sucked enough, but getting pulled into a delusion, sinking deeper every minute really, really sucks. Do you know what it's like to talk with your family and friends and freak b/c you really, honestly think they are only a figment of your imagination? It sucks horribly, and is terrifying. Terrifying. To have loved someone dearly, then only to think that that person came from your mind is an awful, awful thought. If there was a pill (or two, or three, or ten) I could take to stop these thoughts, I would. But, just when I begin to think that the delusion is silly, I ask myself "how do you know for sure that everything isn't a figment of your imagination?" Well, you cannot prove that everything isn't (no one can,) and this keeps the delusion going. It's like I fear something I can't prove. Anyways, sorry for ranting, but thanks again for all your support. It really means a lot. My parents wanted me to go to the hospital, but I think I might wait on that one.

Thanks a ton,

Jon
 

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Hey Jon

I'm no expert on this but I can relate to what you're saying. Just ask Janine how many times I PMd her at 2 AM crying about losing my mind and trying to convince her that I was.

All I can say is I know what you're saying, and if you want to hear what has helped me, then PM me. If there is any advice to give, it would be to keep talking to Janine. She has been more help than words can express.

Hang in there, this will eventually subside. After each horrible episode, a couple of good days follow. Keep looking to those good days and take charge of your mind. It's yours to control.

Take care,

Ken
 

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Gstile...follow all of the above.

Kelson, you made a great post. You sound much better. I hope things have lifted a bit for you. From what you posted, you do know how to do it. Good to read you sounding better.

terri*
 

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take it from the master of distraction..

walk up the shops buy a newspaper
read a good book
kick a football around in the garden
go for a run
go for a walk
get on your bike
watch a good film

its tough, im still going through this crap but thats the only way out
 
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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
You care way too much about the existence of life and what reality and life really means and look where it has gotten you, your simply stuck in a state of mind thats not healthy and your actions are supporting this. You have to find something that supports positivity and helps rather than makin things worst, if one thing makes u feel bad try something different, express yourself, i know its hard due to the depression and lack of motivation but what else is there for you. You have to do everything for yourself, be strong and overcome, never lose hope, it is what drives us to do more and better for us. The more hope the better.
 

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Terri*,

Not really doing much better, but I try. I just can't get it to stop. What is weird is that most of the time it seems uncontrollable. Like just a little bit ago I was talking to my boss in my office and I felt half-way there. Well, then another guy came into my office and whoooosh all the sudden the DP hit extra hard. HORRIBLE. And I just can't think. It's like my mind just freezes and I just can't think about anything except how horribly detached I feel. It's the worst.

And today, I was packing some things for this weekend and I was in the bathroom and I was just staring into space. Like staring at the sink, like what am I doing. Like my brain has just been freezing up. Like it uses all its concentration on thinking about DP and can't concentrate on anything else. Sucks.

Kelson
 
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