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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey all,

Well, as you may or may not know, I've relapsed. I'm not sure if it was the plane ride to dallas (from LA) and back, the displacement, drinking, or an unwise hit of cannabais (when drunk)...but, i'm LOST.

Desperately.

My symptoms offa the top are numbness of feeling, feeling like i don't have a "Sense of the room" (in other words, my home apartment suddenly feels FOREIGN to me....which is making me teary), dizziness, cloudy mind, pain in my head, stuffy/hurting ears, and trouble focusing my eyes. If i close my eyes and try to balance, I fall over (and wouldn't pass a sobriety test if my life depended on it! haha.)

I've promised myself to spend more time here, helping people make good decisions about what TO do about getting better, and especially what NOT to do...

But please remind me that this is going to go away. I was at 90% recovery, and I could get there again right? I'm soooo scared, and I don't have anyone. I've lost everything AGAIN.

Even my sanctuary doesn't feel real. Anybody feeling this?

Please, respond, please, I need help....=/

Sincerely,

Doug/Sixtiessoul/Dj/That70sboy
 

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Hi Doug,

I am in the midst of helping my Mom with some long term hospitalization but saw you had not received a reply. So sorry if this is brief but I did want to reply.

It really doesn't do us any good to go against the grain of what we know will increase our dp/dr. It will turn around and bite you in the a$$ everytime. Good news: you have been here, you can turn it around, start working the work from where you began last time. You will gain strength from being familiar with the how to's of balancing your mind.

You will find a peaceful place again.
terri
 

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its only been a couple of days since you drank/smoked. i'm sure the anxiety/dp will start lifting soon. i dont think a minute of madness will bring you right back to the beginning again. give it a few more days and try your best not to panic. if need be you can always restart the meds that worked for you before
 
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Hi sixtiessoul

I think I can relate to how you feel especially the part about not having anyone you feel you can turn to in real life. I live alone and even though I have friends (really acquaintences) and family I could call no one would understand how I am feeling when DP/DR. I have no therapist I could call nor anyone who would understand. Many of us are alone in that regard.

What helps me sometimes is to simply go through the motions of doing those activities I would be doing if i didn't feel DPed. A sort of "as if" position. I try to act as if I wasn't experiencing the DP and sometimes I have found it will help pull me out of it. I try to think more about the activity than how i am feeling while I am doing it. I think about what it is I hope to accomplish. Little things like cleaning or washing the car etc. I find that forcing myself to do some sort of physical excercise will often help to break out of the DP/DR rut.

I wish you well.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Terri*

Thank you for your kind words. It's good to hear someone say "Yeah, you were there, you can come back, cos I've felt like i blew my whole life. I'm sorry to hear about yer mum, I hope that goes okay, and doesn't contribute to your DP/DR any extra. I've gone sorta overboard in my worry/panic and made two doctor's appointments today, including a new Rx for Celexa. So it looks like it'll be back to the Celexa / Klonopin / No drinkin / Never again Drugs / Good health food / Vitamins / lotsa water thing fer me. That's really how I got to my 90% recovery. I hope knowing that can give others help to. I was SO alive again. That was my peaceful place, & I hope we all get there. Thanks so much for responding!

Cheers & good health!

PDR
Yer right mate, it has only been a couple days...I've drank before, and was sure i'd F'd my recovery...but this has felt different, y'know? I'm hoping yer right, and it'll start going away again, really quick. I've noticed the pain in my head...(odd that), but the fear of different places is residing. Otherwise, my hands feel foreign, and I'm not "tracking" events that happened to me...not taking em in, know wot i mean? But yer right, I'm trying not to panic, I've seen 1 outta 2 dr's today, and one put me back on Celexa 20mg. I'm going to a healthy lifestyle (no alcohol, never drugs...) I never wanna be back at that beginning again. Yer right too, I'll give it a week, and hopefully it'll lift...otherwise my GP doc said "Come back and see me." =)

Cheers and thanks for replying!

Good health to yer.

John_59
Yeah, the not having anyone is very hard. See, last time around i was 19, and living with parents, and it was alright to drop outta school for a year, and lie on the couch in limbo. This time round i'm 23, and i realize the trouble all the "adults" must go through, going to the office, being alone, etc...I know what you mean mate, it's hard, cos even my family now, (the 2nd time around) doesn't understand. I don't think they've ever looked at dpselfhelp.com(!) So, i definitely know how you feel. Might I ask why you don't have a therapist at all?

I'm taking yer advice, and going through the motions. That's what I used to do anyway, until the fog cleared. It's funny, cos I never really knew when it cleared...just that it did. I'm following you. Doing schoolwork, playing guitar, talking to friends, trying not to talk about this (outside this board)...I'd forgotten that that works well. (It's been 2 years since I recovered). Your advice about thinking about the activity is BRILLIANT. That's helping me heaps. Thanks. If I focus on my work / guitar playing / tv watching, I'm fine. If I focus on how I can't focus my eyes, or think, or concentrate, or the room feels "odd", I'm not fine. So I'll set some accomplishments too...the exercise will come later...but I'm a bit afraid to do meditation in Karate class, as I can't keep my balance very well. =)

Hopefully whatever my 2nd doc decides will help too!!

Thanks for all yer advice, and reminders, & replying.

Good health to you and yours!

Cheers.

Doug/Sixtiessoul/Dj/That70sboy
 
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Hi again sixtiessoul

I am very happy if anything I said to you was helpful.

My DP/DR was at its worst when I was between the ages of 19-21. I was hospitalised during this period. At that point it was very frightening. It began to improve a lot when I was just a couple of years older.

You wondered:

"Might I ask why you don't have a therapist at all? "

One of the main reasons is because i can't afford it. Very few therapists in my area base ones fee upon a sliding scale, and even if they do it is still cost prohibitive for me since i live on the money I recieve for psychiatric disability. Needless to say it provides little beyond the bare necessities. The state and local governments have cut way back on their funding for mental health concerns and most of the funding locally goes for treating psychotics and people who are desperately suicidal. And this treatment consists of primarily of meds. Also I have been diagnosed on more than one occassion as having an underlying Personality Disorder which are generally regarded as quite difficult to treat for a variety of reasons I won't go into at this time. Also I have little faith in the competency of many therapists particularly when it comes to DP/DR. Though i have had a couple of pretty good therapists, one in particular who was an unlicensed Jungian. I feel I learned a great deal from our relationship. Because he was unlicensed we were able to work out a work exchange deal where I would do landscaping work and gardening etc in exchange for our therapy sessions. He was very knowledgeable and had undergone Jungian analysis ( if thats the right term for a number of years) anyway he knew his stuff and sometimes while i was working around the property I would see therapists from the community coming to him for their own therapy. One of the things about our sessions I really appreciated was thathe would tape record our session and keep a copy for himself and give me one also to keep for myself. Some of those recorded sessions I have listened to at home dozens of times, particularly while laying down for sleep. I have always found it difficult to hold on to much of the things said during a therapy session for very long. So having the session taped for replay helped to get the most out of it. At least that is the way it worked for me.

Most of the therapists who work for the local county government that i have spoken with in years gone by were 'goal oriented", they would let you know up front how many sessions you would be involved in and had the hoped for end already pretty much mapped out. If i wanted that kind fo therapy I might just as well see a "social worker". I of course wanted to delve into those things which make a person feel "real" I wanted to explore my feelings, my memories, like the picnic in a green meadow I had with my mother when I was very young, the sensuality of her dark hair, the sunshine, the freshly mowed grass. These memories of these impressions of the senses. I want to dive deep and make a connection with my feeling self and with the sense impression memories for it is the lack of connection with these which i believe causes me to feel unreal rather than a disorder of my thinking processes. Of course we are all different in the ways in which we find our capacity for a personal sense of realness. i know that for me at least it lies through my feelings, if i could only somehow feel them more fully.

Well so i guess a reason I don't have a therapist is because I can't afford one, and secondly I don't know if i would ever be able to find the kind of therapist who i feel could help me. I would like to talk to someone though about practical concerns so maybe a social worker is a more reasonable choice.

Sorry for the long rambling reply. Guess I am on some kind of posting binge. LOL!

john
 

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hiya, i wasnt gonna reply but i thought i might be of help.
i had pretty bad dp about 10 years ago, and dope really aggrevated it for many years.. after my first attack of dp i vowed nevr to touch drugs again, but like anything, i grew older and the pain of the dp left me and i occasionally had a smoke to just see if id gotten over it all, 9 times out of 10 i hated being stoned, and i allways found that for a few days after smoking id get the dp back again, but the most important thing, it did leave me pretty quickly.. within a week id be back fine and dandy and promising myself never to smoke again.
sadly for me the dp came back in full force a year ago and hasnt left me yet.. but thats whole diff story and i dont think it's really drug related.
anyways.. take it easy man, im sure the worst of it will pass.. if not already passed. go see ya doc's and talk it over with them, maybe an anti-d might help ya get through things for a while.
be patiant.. you said you were 90% recovered, thats more than enough proof that you will recover again.
take care
Luke.
 

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youll come back down to earth in the end....ive woken up on countless occasions and not recognized my room 100% its a feeling of waking up in a strange hotel room,but because you are watching your every move and emotion its magnified,it will pass
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
John
I'm really glad yer getting SOME thearapy, cos I couldn't imaginge being without medication or some sort of something to sort me out right, y'know? Diving deep, yeah, that's a good term. I wish I could say I was 100% again, and totally feel that, but I'm weak in my abilities...and drink alcohol with friends, and try to have good times and fit in, and not make iti all seem like i'm crazy, y'know? Glad you have SOME therapy though.

Cheers, & good health

luke1979
hiya, i wasnt gonna reply but i thought i might be of help.
Well I'm really glad that you DID reply. I'm not sure why (biochemical or the like), or dare I say by the grace of God that I'm back up to about 80%, and whatever the hell happened to me wore off. I'm so happy to get your message of hope, and it really brought me up, cos I think that sharing REALLY closely related stories to each other is helpful as hell, because you just identify. I sincerely hope you and I never smoke Cannibais again, but I had a close call, because it was 'SPIKED' in a food at a party I went to last night. It's an evil drug, and there are foolish people out there. But we've been foolish with this once or twcie eh? heh. Man, I really hope you can acheive the place you were at a year ago. I'll put yer in mah thoughts man. But yeah, if it gives you any hope, i you were right about it 'wearing off' an ollah that stuff. I feel pretty amazed and pretty lucky today.

Good health to you, and lotsa good hope.

Cheersmate!

Sixtiessoul (Doug/Dj/That70sboy)

JC
HAHA, You've become like my best mate on this site man. Seriously you have like the most easy-going, inspiring, and cool attitudes on here. (not to slight the rest). But yes you were RIGHT. I came back down to earth on Monday!!! I'm so happy that all that bullshit is behind me! It's all sensory-testing after burning yer brain a bit, eh? But it's a good day, filled with alotta Oasis, Weller, Verve, songwriting, and NOT feeling or focusing on DP/DR. Thanks alot fer yer post mate, it really gives me hope, y'know?

Cheers and good health to yer!

Sixtiessoul (Doug/Dj/That70sboy)

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