This will be long but i’ll try to make it as short as i can, please read.
I’m currently 18 years old and have lived majority of my teenage years with severe anxiety and depression. During the past year i relied on weed smoking to deal with it all. 4 months ago i had a massive panic attack whilst smoking and ever since then i have dealt with DP/DR so i know it was weed induced. These past 4 months have been the hardest of my life, during the past months i kind of just accepted it and it slowly dissipated, but recently it has had a massive flare up in the past few weeks, and it has increasingly made my anxiety worse and my overthinking has reached a point where i think it will never ever subside, i constantly feel detached from myself and reality and just feel so uneasy and off like i’m not myself or the way i used to be, it’s very scary because i feel like i’ll be like this forever, even when my dpdr isn’t at full effect, im constantly obsessing over it and i know that isn’t healthy but i just can’t get it out of my head no matter how hard i try.
I am constantly anxious and overthinking every aspect of my life, my working, my university, even my friends and especially my relationship. I have an amazing girlfriend who is everything i could ask for, but due to how i am, this again feeds into my anxiety and overthinking thus making my dpdr worse, i refuse to break up because of it, or lose the most important person to me because of it because i know it’ll just make me feel worse off, i just feel like i’m letting her down. It gets so bad i feel like i’m so helpless and i’ll be stuck here forever.
My mind is constantly filled with anxious and overthinking thoughts, not even necessarily about my dpdr, but because they are flowing in my mind it always makes it worse, it always comes down to my dpdr, i feel like i’m stuck in a spiral that will never end.
I just wanna be normal again, to be able to get drunk, go out and have fun, and even live my life as a normal person without this always in my mind. I feel like i’m going insane and there is no light at the end of the tunnel.
I can’t concentrate or even go about my daily life without constant anxiousness or overthinking in my head, without radiating dpdr and disconnect from myself and the world. I do my best to ignore it, but my anxiety and thoughts fill up my head in every way about my dpdr, and even everything in general which fuels it even more.
I know this is most about my depression, anxiety and overthinking but it all comes back to my dpdr and how it just adds to it in every way. I feel like i can’t get out of this hole, my mind is so scrambled, i just wanna be normal again, i feel like i’m losing my sanity. please any advice would be appreciated.