Hi guys so I've written on this page before in the past few months. I need serious advice.
Before I got DP 6 months ago I was a totally different person ... fearless , never had theses stupid existential thoughts , motivated and goal oriented , went to the gym , was the definition of a social butterfly. Loved and cared overly too much about my friends and family. Had a new job and boyfriend. Things were going amazing.
Then this DP/DR hits me out of nowhere while I'm sleeping .... so bizarre. I've had this 24/7.
Come present day: I don't go out of the house only if I have to , I'm freaked out by existence like why're we all here (believed in God beforehand), don't go to the gym I attempted to ancouple months ago and felt worse and disconnected & totally weak , everytime I speak to someone I can speak fine but I just think how words are just made up , I think nothing matters (very depressed and I've never been depressed) , what's the point of anything if we die. Like this is the TOTAL opposite of me.
I know I can control my actions i'm still in charge at the end of the day , but now when I look up at the sky I just think how we're on a huge ball in the middle of a sky so what's the point in anything and that also kind of freaks me out.
So me and my boyfriend moved into an apartment two months ago and I don't have a job and he's been paying for rent and understands my situation but eventually he's gonna have to stop and he wants me to get back out there and work. I don't feel in my body , I feel so in my head I just wanna be alive again. He met me as this complete other person (my true self) and now I'm simply not and he knows that.
What do I do like even my mom asks what's wrong and I literally do nothing but sit in bed all day ... don't clean don't do anything. I went to Rhode Island like three weeks ago (I live in New York) like I can travel and talk no problem but I just keep thinking like what's the point. I just want it to go away , I don't wanna lose my boyfriend.
What do I do guys I feel so hopeless :/