Depersonalization Support Forum banner
1 - 12 of 12 Posts

Discussion Starter · #1 ·
hi everyone
i am new here and i am not sure if i am supposed to be here. i am feeling very distressed right now and kinda need a place to talk about my feelings. i suffer from BPD though, and it's my spouse that suffers from dp/dr. if i'm not in the right place please direct me to a site for "significant others" of those suffering dp/dr. i would really appreciate some feedback on if i should stay or where i should go. please help i am very distressed right now.
thankyou in advance.

Discussion Starter · #2 ·
anyone??? i saw a post to someone else saying they are welcome, but i am still unsure if i will be upsetting others and if there is a more appropriate forum for me to be on. please, moderators,... someone tell me what's the deal here.

· Registered
298 Posts

Of course you're welcome - however it might help us to understand the situation you're experiencing right now. Why are you so distressed, is the result of your condition or that of your spouse, or both?

Most (perhaps all?) of us suffer from DP/DR and, possibly, other conditions that are either the result of, or cause, DP/DR. We can certainly listen and try to help however we can.

Talk away....

Discussion Starter · #5 ·
WOW! thanks so much! i am soooo relieved!
my husband is a great man and i love him more than anything! i am distressed though because he thinks that i won't respect him as much etc. if he fully admits to the dp/dr. which in reality is not true at all. what's upsetting me so much is that he told me how he feels and even saw this site, where it describes dp/dr, and he said it was EXACTLY what he was feeling. he is afraid of it though, and i don't know,... maybe this new "realization" is making it worse.

some questions to anyone willing to answer:

was it like this for you when you first found out there was a name for it?

how long does it take to get used to the idea, if ever?

will his sort of "denial" make it impossible for him to get better, till he does admit it fully? or is more "open" about it?

more on our relationship later.....

· Registered
136 Posts
Hi Creative, and a BIG welcome to DpSelfHelp! :D

What does BPD stand for? Sorry, but I'm a thicko! :wink:

My partner finds life with me very difficult sometimes. For example, when I'm feeling completely emotionally dead, he feels rejected, despite how much I apologise and try to reassure him that I know I must still love him. After all (I rationalize), my love wouldn't simply disappear 'at the blink of an eye' forever... especially as it's a deep love. I also try to explain that to kiss him, etc., can sometimes be a horrible experience for me, because it feels like I'm kissing my brother, or something 'wrong' like that.

Anyway, the point I'm trying to get to, is that perhaps it would be a good idea to set up a board on this forum for partners of Dp/Dr? :idea: I know my partner would love to come chatting to other partners on here, and I most certainly could do with somebody else explaining things to him, as it's often extremely difficult for me to do. Obviously, Creative, you could still read and post in all the other boards here too, if you so wished...

Revelation/Moderators/Members/Captain K (I read that they want to get rid of you...! :wink: ) - what do you all think?

It's my opinion that if your husband fully admits to suffering from Dp/Dr, then that would show he's a strong man, and not the other way round. (Perhaps you should show him this paragraph?) I can fully understand a man's pride. I'm just one of those people who would love to see all stigmas stamped out! Your husband/us have done absolutely nothing wrong by having Dp/Dr. It's not our fault we suffer from it. It doesn't mean we're weak individuals, it's quite the contrary!

Sorry for that rant! I hope I haven't offended you, Creative, or anyone else here, for that matter. I would never dream of hurting anyone. I know I'm not thinking 'normally' at the moment, because I've been awake for two days and nights again (This happens a lot lately. I seem to naturally speed. I think I need to go on a mood stabiliser.).

In answer to your questions;-

It wasn't like that for me when I found out there was a name for it, because I already knew all the symptoms pretty well. I'd already suffered from it for years, and was over the worst stage at that point. I wasn't afraid at all - I was actually relieved to know the name, as this meant I was able to look up advice on how to get better.

I'm not sure if I understood the second question properly. It's not very specific. It's probably me, mind, because I'm so tired now. Anyway, to me (at this moment), it sounds like you're asking, "How long on average, does it take for somebody to accept they have Dp/Dr?"

Well, if that is your question, then everybody's different. For me, it took less than a week after diagnoisis. Not everybody on this forum has been diagnoised, mind. I should imagine it would take him much longer to accept it if he's not 100% sure.

I personally believe your husband's part-denial will slow his recovery. Most sufferers have a slow enough recovery as it is! However, others may advise you that a 'sort of denial' might help him (depending on what sort exactly), in the sense that trying to ignore or be nonchalant about the symptoms is the best way to beat it.

Best wishes,

Lesley Ann

Discussion Starter · #7 ·
thanks sunshine spirit! :)
i appreciate your feedback! :)
BPD-stands for borderline personality disorder. in europe i think they call it emotional dysfunctional something or other, as that defines it much better. i don't know if you've heard of it or not but if you want more info i'll try and do my best.
i think it would be nice to have a board for partners/significant others, but on the same site? wouldn't that be weird? what if people said things that weren't so nice? or things might be taken in the wrong way... if they could be read by everyone. i know there are sites for NonBP(non borderlines) which are for partners etc., that i would want to be far far away from, if you know what i mean......
it's interesting that you don't have an only dp/dr acceptability rule on this forum...maybe you should... is that what you're asking me too?

you wrote: Revelation/Moderators/Members/Captain K (i read that they want to get rid of you...! :wink: )-what do you all think?

do you mean they want to get rid of me??? if so, i am cool wih it, i mean it's a little sad for me, but i understand if it bothers some.

sorry if i offended anyone, that was not at all my intention.

i don't know how to qoute so please bear with me here.

you wrote that if he admitted to it it would show he is a strong man...., i totally agree with you!! that's what's making this so hard for me, cause i feel like i'm walking on eggshells with him lately!
as far as "whose fault it is", i realize it's noones fault, he said that he's had some degree since he was born, but it got worse later on. (past 3 years.)

thanks for answering my questions, and yes that is what i meant as for the second question, again sorry.

having bpd makes it very difficult for me, especially if as you put it , he goes emotionally dead, since i have abandonment issues, and it triggers suicidal thoughts in me, every time, i'm working on it, but it is still extremely hard...
best wishes to you too,

· Registered
136 Posts
Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry, Creative! My comment; "I read that they want to get rid of you...! :wink: " was directed at Captain K. Let me elaborate: There's a board on the Depersonalization Community Forum Index titled Euphoria! With Captain K. If you click on that, you will see a post which one of the members (Pure Narcotic) started, titled, This section sucks.

You see, I'm still pretty new here, despite posting quite a lot (I always waffle away and kerfuffle people!), and I was attempting to pull Revelation's leg. He's the Site Administrator and also 'Captain K' (Or so I had assumed? I hope nobody's going to now tell me that Captain K is actually someone else! LOL)

However, I've never once uttered a word to Revelation before, and I was just taking the opportunity to jokingly make him sweat that we might all gang up and request to sink Euphoria (The nerve of me!)! :wink:

Basically, Euphoria! With Captain K is a board where I enjoy to go and read posts when I'm feeling in an extremely silly mood. Euphoria is the name of Captain K's ship. Try to read a few posts there, so you'll know what I'm on about. I absolutely love it aboard Euphoria, as I've got a vivid imagination and I enjoy a good giggle!

Pure Narcotic was half-joking that this particular section sucked, and Enigma agreed with him, which is why I used the words, 'they' want to get rid of you! As you will read, Captain K is having none of it! :lol:

My heart went out to you just now, whilst I read your post - especially as I can see you had posted it at 1.11pm. All these hours, and nobody's replied to your message - yet again! I expect you must have been feeling quite puzzled, to say the least...

Also, I take forever to type, as I can only use two fingers!

I'm sure you haven't said or done anything to offend anybody here. You see, a large percentage of members in this forum don't post. They just read things, hoping to find a way to recover. I've read a few posts from members who send their first post after spending many months only reading here. So even though you may see lots of people viewing your posts, remember that there are a lot who are too shy, etc., to reply.

I expect I sound like a right know-it-all, don't I? I honestly don't mean to. I don't know half of what most other members know about Dp/Dr. Being highly opinionated is one of my worst faults, and I always seem to be much worse when I'm 'speeding', as I describe it. The amount of times I've unintentionally offended people is unbelievable!

Incidently, I still haven't slept! I haven't even attempted to get into bed, as i know it's a completely pointless task when I'm like this. I intend to write my next post to Janine Baker, who is a Moderator on here. Janine has fully recovered from her hellish years of Dp/Dr
and gives the most wonderful advice to all on here. She's a very wise, caring person and is also a genius! I'm hoping she might suggest what I can do to prevent my regular speeding episodes...

I wrote that if your hubby admitted to it, it would show he is a strong man, simply for the sake of him possibly reading my words, because a stranger's words may make him begin to realise that you were right about it, after all. It would most probably help even more, if some male sufferers also expressed their opinions on whether Dp/Dr is something they feel ashamed of or not (Any takers, gents?).

I had already assumed that you shared the same opinions as mine, on stamping out the stigma, and the same points of views, that it is noones fault, etc.. Yes, I had assumed all this, Creation, based only on what you had already written. I could actually visualise you pulling your hair out, while trying to get him to believe you would not respect him less, etc.. LOL

I frequently don't explain myself very well to people. It's as if I assume they must know what I'm talking about, despite the fact that I often leave essential words or sentences out. Yet the truth is that I don't realise I've missed out significant words or sentences. My mind's far too busy thinking about half a dozen other completely different things at the same time as I write. Yes, now I realise I sound absolutely bonkers! :lol:

Ah, yes! I have heard of Borderline Personality Disorder. I have a friend of a friend who thought he could be suffering from this. I don't know much about it, but you have my deep sympathies - especially as you get suicidal thoughts, triggered from feeling rejected by your hubby. I'm sorry to hear you have abandonment issues. However (getting back to your hubby), I'm sure he doesn't make you feel rejected intentionally (If it is Dp) - it's just really is sooooo difficult to put into words.

I would be interested to learn more about BPD, but not just yet. Thanks for the offer. I'm currently extremely busy, trying to work; trying to settle into four other different types of forums (as well as this one); trying for a baby; and we're also trying to finish off decorating our home. If it's okay with you, Creation, I'll PM you when I've got some spare time to learn?

My partner thankfully suffers from no mental disorder, yet it's awful to see how distant and rejected he looks, whenever I'm emotionally numb. I do go through phases of neglecting him, but then I always try to make it up to him as soon as I'm feeling well enough to.

Even though I rarely get Dp/Dr these days, my main problem is Depression and Anxiety, so I can relate to suicidal thoughts. Actually, many years ago, before I took medication, I had two attempts. Depression runs in my family. Thankfully, my partner reciprocates my love and I trust he'll never disrespect me because of any mental disorders I suffer from.

I didn't mean to seem as if I was asking you about a Dp/Dr only acceptability rule on this forum. Creation, you should let most of what I say go over your head when I'm in this state of mind! Perhaps I shouldn't even be posting anything when I'm speeding? I dunno...

You have a very good point about my suggestion for a board on here for partners of Dp/Dr sufferers. I personally would like to read what the partners say and feel, as it's often difficult to get my partner to open up and talk about his feelings. Mind you, it's like that with most men, due to what's drummed into their heads as they're growing up. Oh, dear! That's yet another stigma! Groan... :wink:

Take care,


Discussion Starter · #9 ·
thanks sunshine! i really enjoyed your post! thanks for clarifying everything! :D
i was in the middle of a very long post when it suddenly all dissappeared so that kinda sucks, and i don't have the strength right now to start all over. i'll be back soon, now i just got to go to bed!

Discussion Starter · #10 ·
thanks cloverstone for the welcome! and thanks for answering my question. i think your right, but he is very far from that right now.
we decided we won't speak about it unless he brings it up, which is fair, i guess he is not ready for it to be spread on the table, just yet. healing is a process and i understand that totally, especially since it has taken me personally many years to reach the place i'm at, and i still have a long way to go. so i think i have to give him time, it won't help at all to press him.
maybe I just need to accept that he is not ready yet to accept......

· Registered
136 Posts
Cloverstone, so Captain K's a moderator? That's okay then, phew! What I really meant to say, was that I hope Captain K is the username of someone jesting, and not someone who really IS the Captain of a ship called Euphoria! LOL See? I told you all how my nutty mind goes... :lol:

Creative, I've been almost at the end of writing a very long post, when it suddenly all disappeared. Aaaaargh! "Kinda sucks"??? I wanted to smash my PC into pieces! :lol:

Discussion Starter · #12 ·
thanks sunshine! :lol: life can be sooo frustrating sometimes, huh?
by now i totally forget what i was writing about. oh wait, i just remembered something, are you like phychic or something? :lol: i mean your visualization was more than correct (about me pulling out my hair, trying to explain to my h) i also suffer from mild trichotillomania- it's when you pull out your hair when your either are very anxios or very bored. as you can imagine i was very stressed when i spoke to him, so i was doing it! LOL!
1 - 12 of 12 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.