[tori]

hi all,

I have absolutley no money at the moment and I need to find a job. I've been off sick for 7 months as I couldn't bare the dp. The problem is that I am terrifed of working in this state. If i went for a job interview the way i am feeling right now i feel like i would die. The thought of someone asking me questions about myself for 20 mins makes me so scared. I dont even have answers to my own questions about myself never mind someone elses. If i start working again i fear that i would be unable to do the job as i constantly find myself staring for long periods of time or forgetting things or not being able to talk to people like i used to because i am so detatched from myself. I feel like my existence is within my head as sometimes i am unaware of my body, it feels like i am just floating around in this heavy head. I know that many dp sufferers continue working and studying etc. I would be interested to know how it feels for you. My boyfriend is also putting a bit of pressure on me to do something but i am so scared coz i dont know what to do. I dont want to live like this anymore.. PLease respond

 

[Guest]

I don't have any wonderful answers for this, unfortunately, but I can tell you I've been there. I would get many jobs over the years, try for awhile, and then quit when I couldn't handle it anymore.

I never "mastered" it - I, like you, would nearly die during an interview, and then have many days at an office where I felt like I was going stark-raving insane.

My best advice is just try. Do your best. You're in London, right? I lived in New York all those years, and like London, there are a thousand different offices....get a job, try and run like hell when you can't take it anymore, lol..there's always another job somewhere else.

There is no way to "figure it all out" - no way to "prepare" that will actually work. just do it. Try it. and realize you'lll probably fail at some point, but pick yourself up and keep trying.

NO shame in failing. But staying home is only going to make matters worse. The things we fear will follow us into the house, into the bedroom, then right into our brains. There's no where to "hide" - the best you can do is keep moving in the real world, and try to keep a sense of humor when you freak out and fail. There's always another job.

I quit a job once at lunch, lol...went out for lunch and got so dp'd that I was terrified to go back into the building. Just went home, called and quit. Like I said, keep a sense of humor. We do what we need to do to survive this horror.

Peace,
Janine
now gainfully employed, lol

 

[Guest]

I have this problem too, you are not alone.

What scares me most is the fear of being criticized and not being able to keep the job, then I would feel much worse than before.

Since I suffer from a kind of existential fear, realizing that I am not able to do a job that I have chosen throws me into pure hell and terror, no doubt.

On the other hand, if I found out that I am able to hold down a job, my condition would improve significantly since the job would be a cover or remedy against the existential fear because it would be proof of me being able to exist. Existing and living is just all I want.

NO shame in failing.

If I could handle my fears, this would cheer me up!

 

[peacedove]

I had the same problem. Interviews terrified me and even filling out applications was hard cuz there's so many gaps in my work history...and then you'd have to explain what you were doing all that time. So I'd have to lie.... couldn't very well say yeah I was livin' with my ex gettin' drunk and high everyday...

But anyway... my therapist works at this community mental health center. And there they had a vocational program for people with mental disabilities that were making it impossible for them to get a job. It was free. The people at the mental health center worked with this Rehabilitation center and after the program....which was like a month or two... I got a job like a month later. So now I'm working at a very low-stress job, and I have a job coach that comes in weekly to see how I'm doing.

So my advice to you.... can you find any places like this in your area? Have you looked? I'm sure there's gotta be some in London. Are you seeing a therapist? Maybe if you asked him he could help you out. Maybe do a search online looking for community mental health centers or department of rehabilitation centers in your area.

 

[gem]

tori, I do not know if this can help you but it helped me a bit. I used to think the way you do and then one night I was sitting alone crying and I asked myself this question, if I was to do nothing I would have the dp/dr, and if I was to be doing something I would have the dp/dr, but the difference would be that when I am doing something I am using my brain even if it does not feel good at the time, in time the more you keep your brain working instead of going over the same thing time and time again the dp/dr will not be as noticable. Yes it could still be there but you will not be focusing on it more and more. It takes alot of hard work and it is not easy but if you go forward and do things there will be more happier times for you. If you stay still and not move forward you may get stuck in the rut. Hope this helps a little.

gem.

 

[Guest]

What scares me most is the fear of being criticized and not being able to keep the job, then I would feel much worse than before.

Since I suffer from a kind of existential fear, realizing that I am not able to do a job that I have chosen throws me into pure hell and terror, no doubt.

That is a quote from "I" above. It's very honest, but here is the reality.

People WILL criticize you (whether you have mental symptoms or not). And often we fail to keep jobs (whether we're ill or not). VERY often we're not able to do what we WANT to do for a living. (ill or not)

Life sucks.

And life can be great.

But waiting till we're Strong enough to prevent things that are very likely to happen at some point anyway is a good way to miss life entirely.

I have had jobs where they adored me.

I had many jobs where they thought I was too screwed up to believe.

I had one job where I was SO awful at it (due to dp) that when they finally let me go after three weeks, the woman just sat and stared at me in a kind of stupor, as she TRIED to explain how completely ineffective I had been. I just nodded submissively and asked when I could pick up my check.

It matters to me a Great Deal that people like me and admire me. But I don't always get that. Keep living.

LIVE!
Screw up.
POst how awful you screwed up, and laugh along with me. Then keep going forward.

Peace,
Janine

 

[Guest]

Hi Tori,it might be easier said than done but perhaps think in terms of "it's just a job".

Another option is to create your own job.There a many ways to earn a living which do not include working for anyone.

Good luck,Shelly

 

[tori]

i thank you so much to all who replied. Tommorrow I am going to find a job!!!!!! I have to do it! And you are so right... if it doesnt work out, who cares... i'll try again...Also , I will ask my therapist to help...Thank you thank you all.

 

[pfpc]

Tori,

All I can tell you is that after 18 months, I decided enough was enough and I had to get a job. It was hell at the beginning, especially the days leading up to my first day, but when I got into the swing of things, I actually found that I felt better. I felt better than doing nothing all day. I didn't think about dp/dr, just the tasks at hand. And when work was over I continued to feel better. Now I just have to figure out what to do with my week-ends!

 

[jc]

you could try using an inner pyramid method by drawing on a piece of paper your worse fears about going to a job interview and brake it down in sections.....you could maybe practise this a couple of days before the interview and each step youve mastered you could award yourself with a treat...for example your list could look something like this

worse fear- day one of the job
2nd worse fear- the interview
3rd worse fear- approaching front door of the office
4th worse fear- driving to the building
5th worse fear- applying for the job

so you start off by applying for the job by phone email etc...once youve done this treat yourself.....if you get an interview put a little practise in,drive to the office etc.....if you fail at a section try it again at a later date and so on....

and always say to youself 'if i fail whats the worst that could happen,and say to yourself 'does it really matter if i fail,at least i tried'

im putting this into practice at the moment and have applied for jobs so im just waiting to be invited for an interview,but at the moment im dealing with the inner voice...you know the voice that tells itself that even if i master all of these problems i will still feel unreal,but im challenging the inner voice and who knows

 

[gem]

tori, I am proud of you for trying and I know it will be hard. Some days will be easier than others, but the point is you are going to do your best and that is all anyone of us can do. Do not worry and do not put yourself down, if you fall down you can try again, and you know what I fell down many many times and I keep getting back up, one of these days I will get it right. I also must say that on some of the times I fell down it was truly encouraging to know that I was becoming a fighter who would not give up.

gem.

 

[enngirl5]

At school we go on these "practice interviews" where the person acts like the interviewer and asks us questions that an interviewer might so we can get prepared for these things. Do you have anyone in your life you can practice interview with? If not, you could write down the kinds of questions an interviewer might ask and prepare for your answers some. Interviews suck for anyone so I know they're 100 times worse for the dped person. But like everyone else said and my family tells me the same thing. Who cares if you quit or get fired or don't get a particular job, you can always apply for another one. If you don't even try to get a job, you know you won't get one but if you try at least you have a chance. Keep us all posted and I really hope it works out for you. Plus, interviewers know people get nervous so they're used to it. Good luck :wink: