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24 Posts
Psst...anybody got any crack?



I'm no fan of medication to treat DP. At least not for me. And for good cause. I haven't been on anything that works and even if I did (believe that is) I don't think I need it. Experience has taught me that at best, it does very little to impact the symptoms of depersonalization or de-realization. If there is a Rosetta stone for DP, it isn't in pill form. During the course of my learning, I had no choice but to resign that there's isn't any medicinal cocktail that's going to fix my psychological development.

But I am fan of medication if it's necessary to treat depression, panic, anxiety and mood stabilization. There is a bevy of pharmacology on the market today that is both relatively safe and effective and if you're feeling out of control or unable to function, get with a mental health professional and get on it.

If I read one more post from one of you despairing, morose, heart wrenching mutha f**ckers stuck in your never ending loop of inconsolable psychic torture, I'll just lose my depersonalized shit! Like, seriously. Consider this me and the chick in the mirror's blog bitch slap. Some of you post some really disturbing -holy-crap-this less like DP and more like bi-polar possibly depressive psychosis- fucked. up. shit. And no matter the diagnosis, it's clear you're in pain. Wanna know what? You may not have to be. Even if you have no insurance or disposable income there is no reason to live in a constant state of "dis-ease" if you don't have to. There are plenty of free clinics out there. For the love of god, find one. You don't have to feel this way and you can help yourself. If you can't find one on your own, PM me. I will use the full power of Google, Twitter, Facebook, MySpace & the phone book to find you someone to help you.

That tone is exclusive to anyone who is over the age of 21. If you're under 20 and in you're teens and alone, I cannot tell you how sorry I am and I know this is scary. But if this is DP -then I can tell you without a doubt, it's going to be okay. But the same rule applies peanuts. Find a way to help yourself.

It occurs to me though that there is something obsessive about being addicted to being tortured or unhappy isn't there? Helplessness can become an addiction. And while painful, it does give you a sense that you are not responsible for your ills. That what has happened to you isn't within your power to manage or fix. It's a god damn lie of course but if you "like" being miserable nothing anyone will say to help you. Truth is, part of DP is sense of worthlessness about you as a person. The best way to change that is to take care of yourself the way you wish someone would.

This isn't just good advice. In the end, it's the only thing you're going to have to do to feel better. Just do it sooner than later.

But we do search for the pill don't we? We live in an age that most ills are often treated with meds because it's easier. But DP isn't one of those maladies where that's going to work. There isn't a pill that's going to wake you up and tell you who you are, make you feel or fix a script about yourself that has forced you to deny who you are on a fundamental level. But I do believe there are some medications that can help us reconnect with a sense of safety. And keep in mind, this is not an endorsement, this is merely observational AND again, I don't believe it will cure you of those problems but I do think it can help.

That pill is Lamotrigine. Anticonvulsants make sense to me to treat trauma related mental health issues. Trauma is like a scratch on a broken record that doesn't allow the song to keep moving. Lamotrigine seems to fill in that gap or acts like a psychological muscle relaxant that allows the song to move forward. You might be thinking that alone makes it worth its weight in gold but of course, there's a couple of issues with that:

A. We don't know about why it works.
B. It doesn't seem to help all of us. Less than 50%.
C. We don't know the long term consequence of taking this drug. And it only seems to work in high dosages.
D. It still doesn't fix the problem.

Right now you don't think D. is important but I'm going to remind you that it is. The events that lead you to disconnect aren't going to go away by taking a pill. They have to be managed. And what if the pill simply re-routes the trauma into something else that might be far more destructive? Taking this is no different than being offered the choice between the blue & the red pill in the Matrix. The blue pills keeps you blissfully ignorant and the red pill (while painful) will wake you up in a way that will allow you to exist in the healthiest way possible. It ain't Utopia but its honest. I'm in no judgment of that choice for other people. But for me, I can't do it. I simply know too much about what DP is to live in that lie any longer. I may be terrified to live on the other side of the wall but I can't go back to ignorance either.

And there is something in that statement's truth that brings me closer to myself than any pill can boast to do.

Some of you treat your pain like an addiction. STOP. You're Junkie Munkies. You cannot afford to do this. It's a way to treat yourself with the same disregard that the people who made you lose yourself have done. You simply can't allow that. We have to reject being unhappy with every fiber of our being. We were not meant to live to be so unhappy. And we can't invest our souls, our happiness our emotional growth in the form of any pill. Get a move on - we're burning day light. Your life, your feelings, your joys and your hurts are yours to have. Personally, I hope you don't waste it in the search of a pill. If there's something out there that you can take to help you do the work that's necessary to help you help yourself, get busy.

Hair Arm Eye Jaw Gesture

Apr 21 2016 05:48 PM

I think most of us would be perfect case studies in learned helplessness... Pretty much what you were describing, that we get used to fear and actually begin to find it comforting.

The other night I read a post on this forum by someone saying that their DP/DR "makes them feel safe". At first I thought this was crazy, like how the could something so terrifying make you feel safe?

I like to think that my DP/DR is gradually getting better but as it does, I am starting to understand that person's post. When I get flashes of the "real world", it reminds me of everything that used to scare me before depersonalization. It's like I'm getting used to it, and without it I feel defenseless. I think this is the cycle that we need to break, relying on our DP/DR like a safety blanket.

Hair Arm Eye Jaw Gesture

Sep 04 2016 08:39 AM

I agree. I don't want dp to make me feel safe. I think there's something about feeling like an individual's that I find hard. I don't want to be seen or heard. It's difficult for me to stand on my own. I don't like it. I saw it in my mother who used me as a crutch sometimes. And a lot of times she was unavailable to me. There was no one there.
I want to be different. I do. But easier said than done.
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